His response to my email.
here you go.I had to respond after giving lots of thought to what you said.Yes it`s good in the beginning it always is but as it goes on. I should have a special feeling for you that never goes away.An that feeling was is that you are special ,sweet, pretty and so good to me how could I say no to you.But I did. You asked me to marry you one day. An I said no( I have to ask you). Right then an their I knew that wasn`t the reason. An I should have been honest with you an said I didn`t feel it.You once said to me why won`t you marry me and I should of told you. But I never had the heart to tell you because you was so good to me.I think I was trying be optimistic an hope that the felling would come one day but the truth of the matter is you feel it in the very beginning.Do you remember the day I saw the prettiest ring an I sent u the picture of it .The reason why I never bought it was not that I didn`t love enough or I wanted u to loose weight it was because I just didn`t have the feeling enough to take that leap.I think you are a better looking girl than Nicole .But some how I have a feeling about her. Not to say I will marry her but it is possible.I think your better looking but their is a different feeling.An the Lord is my witness it`s not the devil`s work. That comes from the heart.An thats why it`s not all about looks.
Do you remember when I said to you.You have until 12/12/12 to fit in that dress well guess what I stuck to it .An yes you got pregnant so I gave you an extension till February.But I would have found another excuse if u lost the weight.You always said to me [you don`t want to marry me] an you was right I just never had the heart to tell you because you was so good me an I believed the Lord did send you to me. I always wanted it to work but I couldn`t get that doubt out of my head.It is hard to live without you but deep down inside I knew this day would come and you an I would hurt for from my decision. I tried for a long time to tell myself you was the one but somethiing deep in side would stop me an the biggest excuse I could come up with was( I`ve been hurt before) that was always my way out. An I should have never looked for a way out.But I always looked for a way out.An that was the problem I should never had looked for a way out.But because you was so good to me I couldn`t help but try to ge good back.I think that was the hardest part you was so good to me I couldn`t help it I had to be good back but I was just returning your kindness.I couldn`t help it. You did for me so much I could never repay you.An that`s why I will always love you.It`s just not that love to make the biggest leap of all.The Lord is watching over us and he knows I tried.An the devil did do his part but in the end it was all my fault.Because I should of never let it go so far.I was scared to break up with you. I didn`t want to loose a good thing.An that was selfish on my part I see that now.I will never forgive myself for being so selfish an putting us both threw this.