Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members
100,360 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

How do you stay strong when he wants you back?

Goofytam1974
Goofytam1974

After a 21 year mostly abusive marriage, how do you stay strong when he wants you back?  It took me a longggggg time to say enough is enough, but we have 2 children so we must co-parent and be adults.  It hasn't been easy and he thinks I'm good but actually I'm an emotional wreck and everytime I get a please come back text message it tugs but I know nothing will ever change.  So, what are some things you did to stay strong in the beginning stages of the break-up of a long term marriage?  I simply sent him a meme today that said she thought he would change, but he didn't, he thought she wouldn't leave, but she did.  I will never forget the incident that made me realize I deserve so much better but he does not seem to remember and that truly breaks my heart.


Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Hugs my friend. Neither did mine. Block him. Why are you even opening his messages.Continue letting him see you happy and carefree. Even though in private you are crying. I did that and it bothered him. hehehe Do not answer them. Are the kids old enough to handle their father by themselves. My kids were 22 and 20 when I threw in the towel. No, you are right, if he has not changed yet, I doubt it if he ever will. Please look after yourself. You owe him nothing. Check out the meaning of narcissist and misogynist. That what comes to mind when I think of my ex. If you see him, just smile, turn around and walk away. Again, you do not owe him anything One thing one woman said on DS. If their lips are moving, they are lying. He is trying to pull you back in to continue the saga of abuse. Do not fall for it.
caligirl83
caligirl83
You’ve already done the hardest part, and that is to leave. Making that decision and actually putting it into action is the hard part. You’ve already done that and should feel extremely proud even if it took longer than it needed to. Everyone has their breaking point, and now you’ve reached yours. Better late than never. Enjoy your life and the peace that comes with not having that negative part of your life anymore. My ex husband begged for me to come back too, but I knew I would never be happy with him again. I stuck to it and never looked back and neither should you. Life’s too short to life unhappy. Make the remaining of your years the best possible years and enjoy it doing what makes you happy, not your ex, not your kids but you! A happy mom will be a great mom, so if not for you do it for your kids. Be an example for them. Best of luck to you. YOU GOT THIS!
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Of course he is texting saying he misses you. You were his victim, and he needs someone to abuse. Sorry, but that is what is going on.

But you are NOT his victim anymore! Great for you for leaving! Don't entertain his messages, delete them, or better yet block him, as @atpeacemary said. You don't care anymore what he has to say. He should have been a good husband to you from Day One. You put up with his crap for over 2 decades. Think about how much of your life you lost over this guy. You should be mad!

You have already wasted too much time with him. Now it's YOUR time. Think about all the things you've been wanting to do with your life. Travel, hobbies, meeting all kinds of new people, etc. Get excited about some new plans you are making.

You are going to be okay. He's a jerk for even saying he misses you after 21 years of abuse. That's just awful of him. Walk away and don't look back!
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • Vince3789

    Trying Not to Forget Who I Am

    Posted by: Vince3789
    Last Reply: GreenEyes727
    6
    Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
  • GreenEyes727

    Car Insurance Renewal

    Posted by: GreenEyes727
    Last Reply: GreenEyes727
    7
    I'm horrified!  I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000.  I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter.  I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change.  Now this!  I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000.  I guess I have to pay...