Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Help please

Able76
Able76

I'm a 45 male. Last week my wife of 11 years decided she will be leaving me taking our only 8 y/o daughter with her across the country ti live with her family for now. She is selling the house( under her name but we bought it together and I've been paying for). I'm partly at fault to be honest. All this years I've been suffering from some sexual disfunction and for shame, embarrassment I never took care of my problems. I love her so much but I cannot express my feelings the way she is expected. I love my daughter more than anything in this world and the idea of losing her is driving me crazy. I've been literally begging her to start over, to give me a chance to try again, to start from zero so I can keep my family as I know it. She's decided to leave and said she gave me 11 years and enough is enough. We rarely fought or have majors disagreements let alone been verbally or physically abusing. I'm a total mess right now. I cannot process the idea of losing my family. I'm not sure if I want to be alive the minute I can see my daughter anymore. 

GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Call a lawyer immediately.

I don't think she can legally move your daughter to another state in the U.S. without your legal consent. At least, that is how it used to be. Your state laws may vary.

You need to get an attorney. And for your house, too.

Hang in there, things will be okay, one way or another. Don't blame yourself for any of this. Sounds like she may have met someone else, Was she acting suspicious recently??

Get that lawyer!! You have rights.
Candygurl
Candygurl
If you think there is still a chance to salvage the relationship, take concrete steps to solve the ED problem. Promises will not cut it. Make an appointment with the doctor, a therapist, whatever you need to do, and tell her. Follow through as rapidly as you can. Show that you are serious about solving the issue.
Able76
Able76
I will call a lawyer tomorrow to see my options. Lately she’s been taking too much with a girl that used to be a domestic partner of one of our best friends.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
I know it's difficult right now, but yes, call a lawyer to at least find out your legal rights. I just don't think she can legally take your daughter to another state without your legal consent. This will at least solve one of your problems.

Did she say anything specific about why she is moving away?
Able76
Able76
She used to live for over 20 years in Florida. I moved there when we started the relationship and lived there for a about 3 years..When our daughter was born and due a financial hardships we moved away to where we are now. I was able to get a good job to provide and I decided she could stay at home for the first year and a half to take care of the baby. I never pressured her to come back to work and she did it on her own. Since we moved she’s been wanting to come back to Florida but I been trying to convince her otherwise ñ, showing her the benefits of having a way, way better financial stability and lower cost of living and less stress. We visited her sister in Florida as much as 3 times a year. Matter of fact we spent this last Christmas holidays there. She’s been pushing to comeback and the last day there her sister told her she and my daughter can move with her and help her with some money as a rent.
Able76
Able76
I have a weird mi of feelings right now. I feel sadness, emptiness , hopelessness, guilty but at the same time I feel lied, cheated, conned, used and discarded . A part of me want to fix things and even give up on things I don’t want to do.. I want to keep things civil for my daughter’s sake and at the same time I wish to stop being nice and polite.
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
Typically courts don't just let one parent leave with kid the key is file papers immediately. A child unless there is abuse should see both parents. And if she currently lives where you are she can't just do this. Like in our custody agreement we can only move so far with the kids.

I can relate to being married around that amount of time and just being fed up and ending it. While I don't realte to specifics of yours. No harm to express it to her. But sometimes when a female had enough it's done.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
It's normal to have all kinds of different feelings right now.

Even if you gave up on the things you don't want to do, she might have already made up her mind to leave, and not much will change her mind.

Take care of you, now. You need to stay strong and healthy for you, and for your daughter.

You'll probably feel a bit better after speaking with a lawyer. Let us know how that goes.
Able76
Able76
Well I found out the house is already under a selling contract so moving is imminent. I’m lost.
urbangardener
urbangardener
Dude, get to an attorney and get a stay on her taking your kid! My state is a community property state and your financial payment of the mortgage makes the house not hers alone. She also can’t legally kick you out like this. You seem to be depressed and you also probably need mental health help right away. We can’t make good decisions when depressed and feeling like you do. Your not doing anything to help yourself, in the past or present, and this brings more emotional stress. If you are feeling suicidal, get to a behavioral health emergency room. You do have value and worth in this world. Fight for your healing!
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Yes, I agree with @urbangardener.

Call that attorney.

I think you will start to feel better once you find out that you have a lot of legal rights.

Taking actions helps us to feel less helpless.

This is a difficult time for you, but take it one step at a time. It seems right now the important thing is to stop her from taking your daughter to another state, and to stop the house from being sold (or at least get half of the house selling price). An attorney can help you with all of this.

You can do it. You will feel better after making the call.
urbangardener
urbangardener
Able, I worry about you suicidal ideations that you've posted on here and in other forums. I don't want you to go this route. Please seek help immediately for this issue. You'll only feel better when you get the depression and wanting to die helped. There is no shame in needing mental health help. I've written on other forums that you can call a suicide helpline or go to a behavioral health hospital emergency room. There is hope for you, and for all of us. Please take care of yourself and don't give up.
Able76
Able76
Urbangardener, thanks for worry about me. That means a LOT to me right now. You’ll never know how much. I’m still trying to process all this minute by minute. I’m still having mixed feelings. One second I kinda accepted and next second I find myself holding my tears. I have no support group. Believe it or not, this virtual bunch of unknown people is the best I have. I’ll try to get help for my depression but I know the worse is still to come. The thought of missing a second with my daughter is torturing me.
somethingnew2022
somethingnew2022
Able76, I'm so sorry to hear about all this trouble that seems to be coming to a head right now for you. I can understand how the thought of your daughter moving away can feel crippling. Even though in this moment, you may feel helpless and hopeless, there is power in you. You can make decisions---even little ones in a moment that will over time make a significant difference. I too went through an awful divorce, felt like my world was imploding, I was depressed, wanted to die, cried every day, and felt utterly alone. It IS going to be okay. You are stronger than you realize. And you are not alone.
Able76
Able76
Somethingnew2022: thank you for your kind words. I’m trying to do my best to keep my sanity . It’s really hard to keep the idea of my daughter living away from me. I guess I’ll eventually get used to my new reality. For now my main focus is her mental stability. I’ll try to make this transition the less impactful as possible for her. Even though the worse days are still to come I’m trying to make amendments to myself. I started working out (I used to be an avid cyclist) and reconnecting with my old own hobbies such as reading and listening to the music that marked my childhood (classic and jazz). Thanks again for your warmth words and of course, count on me if you ever need an strong ear and a friendly shoulder to lean on.
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