Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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Help me understand this. She tells me at 6.30 pm that I can call her at the usual time, at 9 pm, but that she does not promise she will be able to get the call then because she will be busy preparing for work tomorrow, washing her hair, drying it, etc. I believe that part. Then she says if she cannot answer at 9 she will call me later when she is done. I tell her that we don't have to talk, I just want to have a chance to say goodnight. At 10.30 she texts me she is drying her hair. I text back saying OK I'll wait for you. Then nothing. I finally text her to ask her if she has gone to bed. She texts yes she has, she is exhausted. I believe that too. BUT WHY THE FUCK DID SHE NOT CALL ME OR TEXT ME SHE WAS GOING TO BED, GOODNIGHT. It would only have taken a second. Maybe she did not understand. But I thought I was clear. I don't know. She I feel she is blowing me off too often. On Thursday she answered my call at lunch and said she was busy and would call back in a sec. She called at 6 pm because she said she got caught up in lunch with her peers. Again, why not text me she changed plans. On Saturday she has a problem with her son. Why not text me and tell me that? WHAT IS HER PROBLEM? Is she just tired of me? Or she does not have good manners? She has done the lunch thing a few times, and only occasionally she texts me to tell me she is having lunch with her peers. Am I overreacting? Please explain to me tonight's behavior. It seems in all of these occasions she did not want to talk to me but she does not have the balls to tell me so she comes up with some way to fill up her time BUT DOES NOT TELL ME SHE WILL NOT CALL ME OR ANSWER THE PHONE. I have a hunch that this is a behavior she learned from being in two abusive relationships. Maybe these guys got aggressive when she wanted to do something different that what they expected so she learned to never say no. SHe just would not do it but would not say she would not do it. To avoid yelling and abuse. Or maybe she does not like me anymore. I am confused. Please help.
if you just want to be friends with a woman who lives two hours away, why is this upsetting you so much and why are you expecting so much on communication with her and second guessing everything?
it all looks to me so overly dramatic especially considering that she is an overloaded woman who lives so darn far away. i've never been anywhere near this upset over any friendship with a woman.
I mean this in the kindest way, but you really need to address your codependency issues. Goodness, you are literally monitoring when you call, how often, did she or did she not respond, etc. Yikes! What do you do with the rest of your day? It sounds like all you are doing is calling or texting this woman.
I'm really not surprised she backed off. You need to talk to someone to get a handle on appropriate levels of communication, especially in the early stages of a relationship.
Again, I don't mean to offend, I'm just concerned that if you come on this strong in relationships, you're probably going to have some difficulty.
but in addressing the need to do so to begin with
and you do that for you
for your benefit
and growth
and development
therapy
coda
whicheverway you address it will help you move forward emotionaly
best wishes of luck
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/14561035-she-finally-reappeared-should