Well either he has known her longer, or things really aren't what you may be thinking they are. That they are not like this serious relationship more then they may have met, he needed a place to live and she let him move in cus maybe, she is a little crazy herself. I mean, after only knowing someone for two weeks, I couldn't imagine them living together would be because they are in love and on the road to marriage. But then again, I guess anything is possible with people now-a-days.

Anyway, I think the fact that you continue to know that its best thats its over, that you know what is what. That this feeling of thinking of him is just residue from the feelings you had towards him and the relationship for the time yous' were together. Its hard to let go of thinking that way, but in time, you will look back and be glad you kept moving forward and didn't go backwards in time.

I think you can't move on as yet because you are not ready. You are still in the grieving stage. Moving on is further down the track. You need to stop hurting first before healing begins, and when that happens you would know that you are ready to move on.

I am sorry you are going through this. I could not maintain the NC rule because of "issues" that ties us together. But I finally learned to "unlove" him from my heart, and it feel so good not to feel the pain and anxiety anymore. You will get there, for some people it just takes longer. Good luck and ((Hugs)).

I wish the grieving would stop! He dropped some stuff off at the house and we talked, mistake. He basically said the failure of the marriage was all my fault, he did nothing wrong. Even though I know its not true, it still hurt to the core. I feel like I'm going nuts. He needed constant affection, all of my attention and thinks only in black and white. So why am I crying like he cheated on me?? Am I just afraid to be alone? Was the last 12 years a lie? He was so cold when he was talking to me, did I do that to him? I don't know where to turn.

I am just separated from a 26 yr marriage!! I kmow what you are saying , all ive been doing is looking back on all the times I was not the wife I should ve been !! Everytime I leave work I am just like you alone with the hurt and emptiness !! I like what Tessa 93 said and that we have to get past the different stages of our loss !!! It is good to have a connection with others thru this sight !;;

Tessa...How long has it been for you now?

14 months to the day. But I stopped hurting maybe by December last year. I PMd you Murph.

To everyone here who gave me support in my darkest hour, thank you so much. I come back now and again to help others who are hurting. And to give hope that the pain don't last forever. I also made the mistake of fighting for my relationship. But in the end I have to let go so I can live my life again. For everyone who's emotional wound is intense, it will pass. You might ask 'when'? We are all individuals with different coping abilities. It is up to you to value yourself first and foremost.

If he/she can not or will not love you anymore, then you need to love yourself. And screw him/her! ((HUGS)) to everyone who's still hurting.

I know when you are seperated living together. It seems once gone we think it will be easier. But it comes with transition. It's also has to be so hard when they just move on. I know it's hard it takes time. I really hope you feel better and try to occupy yourself. Hugs

19 months separation for me now

Thanks everyone. I know I wasn't the only one who had faults in the marriage, I even pushed him away, just so I could have time to think. I've read about others who say they want to save their marriage, who would do anything and I wonder why he couldn't do that? I guess it's easier for him to blame me, it makes it easier for him to move on. I'll admit I'm a difficult person and he just didn't have it in him to stand up to me. My family tells me I need someone who challenges me, not 'hand me their balls'. I need to keep reminding myself why I did this. We have a few mutual friends so I've blocked him on Facebook, it was to hard reading how his new gf thinks he's the best man around and how happy they are together. I know it's loneliness, and this stinking cold weather doesn't help matters any. lol..

I am 6.5 months out and still struggle with "residual" feelings - now that I have had space from him, i find i recall good times and the good things. I really have to remind myslef of how miserable I was with him, how differently we see things, different values and ways oif dealing with things. It hurts that he moved on so quickly with his ex, the OW. Need to remind myself that he was able to to do that becasue he never really was over her, that we never really had a chance. I have fears oir teh furutre, have no idea what I will do with myself - feeling loss without an anchor- at least when we were together I had an anchor. Now on my own ,raising an autisitc child, little help from him (never did hlep much so no change there). I try not to worry, but its hard. But at the end of the day, I do have hope, always have hope.

Try to not to beat yourself. The two of you are not together because he is not the one for you.

After 25 yrs of marriage I did give my stbx time and space, tried to meet his emotional needs that he said he was missing. I too feel very guilty and am continually hard on myself and ask why?? I felt that marriage and things that I wasn't getting was part of marriage and compromising to make it work, my stbx felt as though it was him doing without. but he also told me many times he was interested in being with others, and if the opportunity was there he would be interested to see if there could be something between he and his great friend.
Even though they all advertise that as long as one is willing to try your marriage can be saved...I know that there eventually has to be 2 to make it work. His friend left her spouse, so I raised the surrender flag and told him to not miss his opportunity and wanted him to be happy. Which doing for his friends was the only thing he found happiness in. Tried for 10 months, still question if I tried hard enough. Will my kids think I tried?
My mind and thoughts are my worst enemy. This is NOT what I wanted, but I'm struggling with trying to move on as well. If you had doubts and needed time, then you probably had a reason to believe he may not be the right one. If it is meant to be it will be.

dear friends,
I've just entered this group, eager to expose my own suffering, and came across so many other stories of grief and loss that I felt like saying, for now, that I too feel your pain and am really wishing you all the best recovery.
I've split 4.5 months ago and very often still feel the same acute pain of the beginning, with some background relief that the passing of time gifts me from time to time.

As other people pointed out, I guess one of the unconscious addictions that can delay our post-breakup progress is dwelling too much on the past and focusing too much on the Other (that is, our exes). I call it addiction because, frequently, at least as I feel it, it seems stronger than us - thinking about what went wrong, how we miss the Other, how we're incomplete now. NO! Though I'm suffering deeply, I always try to tell me what, in fact, I feel it's the ultimate truth about splits and relationships: doesn't matter where they take you, to sorrow or (momentary) joy, they are not responsible for your own happiness. We've got to love ourselves, and that's the most difficult part of all in the process, at least for me. We fear being abandoned, we fear being alone, we fear that we won't be able to ever find someone nice again, we fear we're a failure, we fear we fear we fear. And fear is paralyzing. Most of all, we fear our own pain. As an artist, I feel the only way of coping with suffering and getting to dive deeper into self-knowledge is embracing everything we are, with our flaws and fears. Every single detail makes us unique. When I feel I'm not alone in the dark, as I'm feeling now by sharing my thoughts with you and reading your kind comments and painful stories, I also accept myself better the way I am - imperfect, sad (temporarily, I hope!) and human.
Sorry for writing so much!!! Just wanted to say hi and send you all lots of love, wherever you are. We're all together, always.