Of course he knew I was at his house. We spent sometime together this weekend. I asked him if I could use his computer to check my email.

I guess it depends on when he asked the girl for her number. You did break up with him and just recently started to work things out. So if he was talking / flirting with another prior to you and he starting to work things back out, then there is no need for any kind of resentment towards him from anyone. We certainly would like someone to pine for a little bit before jumping right in to anothers arms, but reality / experience has taught me that not everyone takes as much time as I may or shoot, takes any time at all, before they get with another. While we would like to put a value on there feelings for us based on how quickly they did or didn't move on, its just our own value we set based on what we would do knowing how we feel.

Now, if he started up with this chick after you and he were talking about getting back together, then thats another story.

Either way, in reading your many posts and not having enough time to respond to those before I find a need to respond to a new one from you, I have read that he has told you he sees a future but he is not ready to start that up ... my response to that was 1 of three reasons why, but in reading this post, it appears he may want to continue to pursue or see what this new shiny girl may have before he committs to going back to what he knows he will have and may lose again. Once someone breaks up with another, even just one time, it breaks a trust in that bond that was created between the two. So his hesitation probably also stems from not wanting to be dumped again. I know for me, that would be the case. Unfortunately, hesitation causes other problems cus when one is ready and the other is hesitant for whatever reason, it stops the relationship from moving forward and lead to the one who is ready to have pause as well; unfortunately, and most times the relationship ends for good, sadly.

So if I was you, I would chill out. Yes, now you know he may be interested in someone else, but yeh, you broke up with him. While there should be some sort of grace period for him to process you wanting him back, you don't need to allow the total control to be his and you certainly dont need to put your life on hold forever. In knowing most of your story, I believe he deserves the time to process it.

Listen, you can come here and ask all the questions you want and people can give you their opinion of what they think based on their experiences or mindset, but not all if at times, any of those apply. The only way you will know anything is to continue to have healthy communication with him. You both have to have understanding and patience with each other. You both have to not just listen but hear what the other is really saying and try not apply what you think is really going on to what the other is saying then judge and act based on that. The mess created by your breaking up with him has to be worked on to be unraveled. That will not happen overnight as much as you or anyone else may want it to. Not everyone moves at the same pace or has the same mindset when dealing with similar situations. In knowing that, I hope you can take care of you, but allow him to take care of him.

I've been following your posts, and I just want to say, you should strongly consider counseling. I sympathize with what it feels like to wrestle with irrational feelings, and it's all about a lack of control. I am terrified of flying, riding as a passenger in a car, and I'm also terrified of my current relationship not working out. So much so, I have caught myself forcing things and realizing I'm being really paranoid. My friends have given me good advice: if you don't chill out, rest assured there's a 100% chance of failure. That is what you should remember. It sucks to hang out with someone that you still love, when they've said they don't want to be with you right now. So, why do it? Give him time to think on his own. He obviously wants to keep things casual and is requesting phone numbers from other girls. It's not about him, because he's doing nothing wrong. It's about your mental health. I mean absolutely no offense, but you seem EXTREMELY obsessive. No one wants that in a partner. Give it up to god, or the universe, or whoever. You don't have control over someone else's feelings. I'm learning that day by day, as well. Counseling will help you.

*like*

all of keely's post

I'm with Keely. No one likes the scent of desperation.

forgive me for asking, but I haven't been here that long, why did you break up with him?

Ok. I think after reading what you said, that he has the right to date and that your counselor said is not a bad idea for him to date and then I also read your original post - you are saying or asking how do you stop obsessing about him flirting w/other people - and you also said that it hurts because you and him are seeing ea other. So most of us told you to stop seeing him because he obviously hasn't taken you back and is seeing/flirting w/other people - so the answer to that question is - stop seeing him, or are you planing to compete w/the other people he's seeing?

Then you asked - how to stop obsessing about his actions - You want to discuss that w/your counselor - most of us on here can tell you what would work - but I don't think that is going to help out because you are not at a point where you even want to accept that you have no right to obsess about the issue any longer - on one end you see it - on the other end you don't. You are conflicted. I believe you are already attending counseling - keep that up, that should help you more than we can.

Good luck

You've all posted some very insightful comments. Thank you. I know I'm obsessive. It's not something I'm proud of. It's an awful feeling. I can't fall asleep at night because I obsess about him so I watch tv so I can listen to that and fall asleep with something else on my mind. Then I wake up every morning at 430 am or 530 am and can't fall back asleep due to crazy bad anxiety. It's awful. I am seeing a counselor. I'm on medication even. It helps temporarily. But I still am having a very tough time. I'm sorry but this site helps me to vent. I figured it's better to be obsessive with you guys then him.

My mindset here?

Yep you looked. You got a kick in the teeth.

You now know where you fit. Nowhere. Why waste energy on someone that doesn't make you as important as you make him?

Just a thought, but have YOU considered going out and dating? If he is doing that, maybe you should try it. Not looking for a relationship, but just getting out with different men, dancing, having fun, getting the feel of what it is like to be out with other men. You may find you no longer obsess over him any more and don't care about him anymore.

Not interested in dating anyone else right now. Thanks for the suggestion though.