How do you stop?
You stop seeing him. You stop calling him. you stop texting him. You dont look him up on Facebook.
You deserve better than someone keeping you in perpetual limbo.
If he doesnt CHOOSE you, he doesnt choose you, if you know what I mean.
He either wants to be with you, or he doesnt. There is NO black and white. And him making you believe differently is making you crazy. Let him go, move on. Otherwise, eventually he will make you hate him.

I think of it this way. When I get in one of the modes where everything is looking negative and all I feel like doing is proving to myself that this person is doing things I don't want to deal with or tolerate then I have to start asking myself...what can I do to make this situation work for me and my own well being. What would you rather be doing to make yourself happy and why are you not obessessing about it instead of letting the situation get the best of you. This is what I have to do for myself.

The more I learn about things... The harsher my relationship advice gets.

1) Now you are worried.
2) You will be inclined to spy on or distrust him.
3) He may not ready to commit to you yet.

Put some distance there... Don't be hopelessly throwing yourself at him, you need to respect yourself.

No trust. No reason to trust.

Move forward and do you best to forget about him.

--Where do you set your boundaries?

--Do you have any boundaries?

--How much are you willing to be disrespected before you say enough and walk away for good?

This is NOT a problem with him--it is a problem with your self esteem and self confidence and being able to care about yourself so much that you say ENOUGH and walk away for good.

All along he has made this separation on his terms without any decision input from you. He has no idea when it would be anything more than a separation and it has all been whatever he decides. THAT IS NOT A MARRIAGE NOR A PARTNERSHIP because you had no say in it.

--Are you settling for him out of fear without him you will always be alone?

--Are you afraid that you can't make it on your own?

--Are you wanting someone to take over and make all the decisions for you?

--You have said you are in counseling and it has helped you. If so, in what way because you are involved in all this and none of it is helpful, healthy nor positive to you from what you write here. So are you telling your therapist all this or hiding it from him/her?

It's time to be truthful and face this head on.

This saying really knocked me upside the head and made me see the light when I was obsessing like you are right now.....

Without Healthy Communication, There Is NO Relationship; Without Respect, There Is NO Love; And, Without Trust, There Is NO Reason To Continue....

Think about it long and hard like I did and get real with yourself. I know it will hurt like hell to get real with yourself. Your trust with him is broken, and once that is broken, it is nearly impossible to ever get that trusting feeling back again (I know this from long and hard experience). You will drive yourself crazy with worry and anxiety from here on out if you don't just go No Contact with this guy. Don't let him take away your sanity and personal power by giving him any more of your precious time that you will never get back. Use the precious time you have now to work on yourself, get yourself healthy and find a guy that is truly deserving of all the love you have to offer. You DESERVE that!!

Another saying for you to think long and hard about... Never make someone a priority (and obsession) in your life when they are only making you an option in theirs.

Peace and (((Hugs))) To You!!

#6 - good post - I will also add - not only you should go NO CONTACT - brace yourself to follow through with it. NO CONTACT is a B#@#! - one of the hardest things I had to do - but OMG did it pay off!!!

Search within and group up all the reasons why the relationship didn't work out - all the things he did and what he's doing now - WRITE THIS DOWN AND PUT IT IN YOUR FACE. It will make you feel like crap and rejected - and while that sounds like self torture is the only way to snap out of the illusion you are in right now. YOU NEED to get mad at the man for treating you wrong - and use that anger to pull yourself up from the hole you are in.

That anger will turn into courage - and you will then be able to win over the BS and go no contact. You'll get strong. START TODAY. Life is too short to waste it on people who do not care about YOU. O, and do yourself a favor and stop seeing him. DO not let anyone demote your from Girlfriend to SIDE piece. That's not okay. You deserve BETTER!

When I would ask my ex of 11 years.......when he would commit, he would tell me he always approaches things with the idea, "plan for the worst, and hope for the best." That was not an answer. i was in limbo. An old friend asked me one day, "are you ever going to get married?" I told him about the saying, he said, "at least you know what to plan for." That woke me up. A guy knows where he is at. If your it! he is CHASING YOU, not the other way around. If he doesn't know for sure.....he really does know for sure, he is just using you. If he wants you, he won't be flirting with others.

This dude is playing you. Honey, love yourself and cut him lose!

I think you all are forgetting that he is my ex and I broke up with him six months ago. He hasn't decided to take me back yet we've just been spending time together. He has a right to date other people.

I sure didn't forget that!

Brooklyn - if you really felt like you are ok with him "having the right to date others"...which is TRUE when he is your ex, then you wouldn't be upset that you two are "seeing each other" and he's talking to this girl. You wouldn't have made the post to begin with.

You need to decide what you will and won't put up with, and what "penance" you are trying to serve through all this.

You're right, you broke up with him...so you can either keep things as they are, or move on from him if you don't like him flirting with others. Either way, I'm sorry to be so blunt, he is NOT yours. He is NOT in a committed relationship with you.

Good post TTMI!

I saw my counselor today. She thinks him dating someone else may not be such a bad idea

Did he know you were at his house? I hope so, cause otherwise, that's a whole other issue...