I dont understand the concept of FWB because it defeats the purpose of friendship. You should call it sex with potential orgasm because there is no guarantee you will be sexually satisfied and it can destroy the friendship.

FWB isn't bad idea if you aren't interested in a serious relationship but I still think there should be some kind of commitment but I'm writing not about FWB but rather to say I feel the same...I can't give up on my husband. He left me because I chose to care for my 5 year old grandson although before he moved out my grandson had already moved to his Dad's house. I think he found someone else, someone more than half his age. I think I would be better if I knew for sure but I don't know. I'm not interested in dating or FWB...I just want my relationship back with my husband. I don't know what to do...I've tried to tell him, I've sent him emails. He is so bitter about me "neglecting" him and now says I always put my children (not his) before him. He wants to find someone that puts him first. I love him so much and it hurts so bad but I can't make him see I'm sorry and I was wrong or else he doesn't want to see because he already has someone.

charliegirl, you are right. I actually don't have any close friends that I would consider risking, so it is more about casual acquaintances or something. I don't really even know what I am asking - just that I miss my wife so much, and I'm so lonely and frustrated right now, and I don't know what to do.

wanting, I don't wish to be too judgmental, but I treated my wife's two children as my own, and I took in her best friend's daughter when her father died and raised her as out own. I bought all three of the girls their first computers, first cars, and helped with college. They have all graduated college now. My son with her, now 11, was no different than her children.

You weren't wrong to care about a child in need, and to accuse someone of "neglecting" him because you want to lend a hand seems awfully selfish on his part. This is just my opinion.

I do understand the tremendous grief and wanting your spouse back. I share that, but I also want her to be happy. If Neil makes her happy, and I couldn't, then I have to let her go. Easy to say, incredibly hard to do.

After her intense passion this summer, post-divorce, then re-dumping me after Christmas, I'm left reeling. That's why I'm wondering if finding someone to meet that need for each other could be helpful in letting go, or if it would just do more harm to me, if I can even bring myself to do it.

I have a long term, FWB thing.........if you could call it that. 10 years so it's not casual sex but nor is it more than friends and sex. There are rules for making it work though - and you might not be in the right head space. For a start, it has to be;

Respectful, consenting and kind.
Both people have to be single - for me anyway.
The sex has to be good - otherwise there is no point.
Removed - I don't think it can be with an existing friend - this partner needs to exist outside your circle and not enter it under any circumstances.
Once the rules are agreed upon - you must not try to make it something it isn't - ie a relationship.
You must be open and honest at all times.


Those are just a few things I've observed. One other thing - you need to be emotionally stable/robust to make it work. And given that you are recovering from a break up - that would be my only concern for you.

Interesting - unknown territory will feel weird at first, but trust me, online dating, casual dating and casual sex is part of the new era/world we live in and as relationships/marriages become more complex, cheating continues to increase, I can see more and more people doing casual relationships out of fear of getting hurt or having to go through the process of a divorce and receiving a financial impact.

Some folks think too hard when it comes to this. First of all, how does anyone know if the casual person may actually become permanent? We really don't know until we are in the mix of the situation.

Additionally, what is it with folks trying to make people permanent instead of just starting out slow as friends? Doesn't that make more sense than trying to do commitment from the JUMP?

So, with relationships being so hard to find these days, are people, really putting off sex till they find "the one"? - if that's the case, I bet there are a lot of frustrated people out there.

What's w/the thinking that sex is dirty or that is wrong to have it outside of a relationship setting? Is risky to have casual sex? - what are condoms for? - Is it not risky to have sex in a marriage setting considering how often people cheat? - How do we know we can't catch something from a spouse or bf/gf?

I am not sure how others think - didn't even read their replies - but life is short, LIVE it NOW - tomorrow is not promised. Go travel, have fun, have sex, etc - as long as you aren't misleading people or playing with their feelings - who cares? IJS

Good luck!

i couldn't do it,

first off my friends are all manly men and with me being a lumberjack it would complicate things

really though i think sex is about being vulnerable, letting one's guard down, i think the fwb would still have a too much "guarding" for me

i couldn't do it because i think that i'd want to care beyound friendship

I have not engaged in a FWB relationship in the past, but have known people who have (both in real life, as well as people who discuss it online)...so take this for what it's worth...

First off, the term, FWB is a pretty ambiguous, there are not rule (just what you and your FWB decide upon). You and your FWB, may or may not be dating other people, you and your partner may or may not be having sex with other people.

From what I've observed, most FWB are in an open relationship (free to date and have sex with whomever else they choose). Some FWB will give the other a heads up if they start dating/ having sex with other people. Many (if not most), do not (even if they've agree to it).

Also, what some consider a FWB relationship, has little to nothing to do with being friends. Some only contact each other, when they want to have sex (in other words, only talk/ text when they want to have sex).

Hence, if you decide to enter a FWB, make sure you understand what you're ok and not ok with. Are you ok with your FWB dating, and/ or having sex with other people? If not, make it very clear you feel that way. And even if your FWB agrees to your terms, realize, they may or may not be truthful about it (or think it's not important to tell you, since you're in a casual relationship).

Also, another observation, I made with FWB (both in real life and online FWB situation), often either party, assumes they (themself) are free to date/ have sex with whomever they want, but does NOT assume their FWB is free to date/ has sex with whomever they want (forget it goes both ways, and are not ok with that, become jealous!!!).

I have just gone thru a breakup. like you I have a high sex drive. I have thought about casual sex, but my past experiences has been that it can leave you with an empty feeling

Oh dear...just because the acronym has "friends" in it, doesn't exactly mean it has anything to do with your circle of friends.

@OP..I think the posters that get the real idea and how it works, have given you the gist of it and the boundaries surrounding it. FWB isn't meant to lead to serious relationship or marriage.

@copingjust...you nailed it with what the prerequisites should be. I have had FWBs ranging from 40-55yrs. Wwe go to movies, dinner, chat, museums and galleries, day trips and I can honestly tell you that these people and myself have baggages / stuff that just won't make a relationship viable, but FWB works.

One has been texting me past couple of days asking when she is going to see me next.

@wantingfor.....Is that what we all want though, that person that will give us the time of the day, and not get wrapped up in other stuff like pets, hoarding etc? I can see how someone in their late 50s or 60s wouldn't want to be raising a young kid again especially when they have done that before, and just want to enjoy life now.

There are many women out there that won't date men with kids, even if they have kids themselves. FWB removes drama and a lot of BS you are likely to put up with if you were in a serious relationship / married.

In FWB arrangements, you have your freedom so to speak i.e. your place to look how you want, go where you want when you want, not bring a person into your kids lives, etc

As a very committed person, I hope my perspective helps. I think FWB definitely helps in letting go, as long as you're emotionally stable and have made it through the initial breakup stages.

FWB is good when you and the other person are mutually attracted to each other, have a similar sense of humor, and are both just looking for some company. Seems similar to a relationship, and I think that's why people are hesitant (thinking they will fall for this friend and get hurt again). But if you can't picture them having holiday dinners with your family, living with you, or marrying you some day, that's the key.

Like Deltone mentioned, it's not just about sex. It can be someone you can go with to movies, day trips, dinner, etc. Make sure it's with someone who's lighthearted and fun. Someone who makes you forget about the serious stuff for a bit.

If you're worried about the dangers (STD's), just make sure you both get tested before pursuing anything and agree on neither of you sleeping with other people while sleeping with each other.

Lmao. I got the jist original poster. Im not seeking anyonea approval here....just stating the fact that its rare that friends with benefits actually works for people. They usually actually become couples and any time you go sexual you are no longer in the friend zone moat of the time no matter what rules are put into place....jealousy. ..ect.....you might as well hire a prostitute where its legal. At least you know what you are getting and they are safe.

Isn't it amazing that someone in some small little town, can't exactly speak for people the world over or in bigger cities?

"Facts that FWB doesn't work for people"..huh. This is news to me and my all my acquaintances that FWBs doesn't work for us. Laughable

Do you know me personally? Because it seems you enjoy attack me personally? What small town am i from and where do i live and why it is so important that you try to make me feel bad about myself every chance you get an opportunity. Im not delusional and maybe i had a rough childhood but that neither makes you and expertee on me nor does it give you the right to bash in a forumn behind a computer. So please just make this a mutual agreement....i dont like you because you display narcissist attitudes. I dont need anymore abuse in my life so please stop trying to play your silly little game with me and just agree to dislike each other and leave it at that deltone. Thank you.

Like I said before @ charlie, you need to get your head out of your '@$$. You started this with your personal attacks, and when you get a taste of your own medicine, you cry wolf.

It's simple, if you don't like what i post, then ignore my posts and don't bring yourself into it. Also don't generalize in your posts...use the words "some" or "most", as opposed to "people in FWB don't seem to end well" and other BS like that.

If am a "narcissist" , then that makes you a vindictive / manipulating/ selfish so and so