i think it is because we errantly buy into mythologies, especially the Cinderella/Prince Charming one.

Very true

Yes. I think another component is that we want to be the one to tame the bad girl/bad boy.

Or because we think we can help to heal them. lesson learned!

Or that if we pick someone that has a lot of major faults, it keeps us from focusing on the ones we have..

Because when we are in love sometimes we think we can change the world with the power of our feelings - specially the one person who is the object of all that affection... But we forget it is not about us, it is about them and if you think twice, it's kinda egocentric to even imagine that someone will change for you...

this thread, of course, begs the question of how to pick a person with no major faults?

in your opinion, what major faults are automatic disqualifiers?

IMO because we think we can "save" them. They need to save themselves. It's a noble idea but it never works. Not in my experience. And I've been on both sides of that equation.

I'm going to go with the "they make us feel better about ourselves" theory. If they're more F-ed up than we are, we feel better about ourselves. It's a self-esteem thing. But there are other reasons. Maybe some people don't think they deserve better.

But where does one draw the line between accepting someone and loving them in spite of thier faults, and unhealthy behaviors? I guess it's the true motivation within ourselves... ie, is it true love, or is there crazy psychology involved?
I think some people are fully capable of loving others with major major faults out of pure love and compassion, while others reject people over petty issues. Sometimes it's subjective.

sometimes people pretend to be someone they're not until you get married and you had no clue about giant faults... bait and switch..

I thought that we subconsciously chose partners with faults similar to those we encountered in childhood in an effort to stage a "do-over" and get the dynamic right this time.

Define "fault".

I agree with Kimmeee & WindClimber.. it's something inside of us that we haven't resolved childhood issues or past hurts. The person we choose makes us feel better about ourselves so we overlook or turn a blind eye to the faults. Even the ones we think we don't see before marriage, they are visible, we just choose not to see them until it's too late.

My "fault" that I will no longer overlook & am very aware of now is someone being emotionally available. I have picked two now that definitely weren't. Lesson learned...

I gave as good/bad as I got. Our faults were not the same and I am sure his list, in different ways, would balance mine (again, good and bad). I hope not to make the same mistakes again (both in choices as well as in/actions). I am certain to make many new ones ...just hope they are less devastating.

Good point Red.. yes.. I had/have faults as well & as part of the process, I have examined lots of them. I know I was no picnic for him too.. (wow, that's hard to admit outloud..lol). But, I have been working on them because I want to be an emotionally healthier person the next time around. I'm not sure if they ever get resolved but being aware of them & working on them continuously is the best I can do.