Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
After over 25 years of living in a flat, and unfulfilling marriage which was the case more often then not, I think I am finally able to put a name to the ongoing problem with my marriage: Emotional Neglect. For years I pleaded with my husband. Could not understand why I felt he was so distant, cold, not willing to connect on an intimate married couples level with me. He seems to want to live with me as though we were a great couple on surface, but no intimacy, no real conversation. He can talk to me about nonesence forever. What the pets did, the layers of the earth... But he can not talk about us, our past, present or future. We've never had a "what we should aim to accomplish this year..." talk. And now, he's dropped the hatchet, no sex, cause he really has no desire... We are in our 50's.
So, I am trying to find a way to just move forth. I don't expect anything from him. I'm a little sad because I had the -I don't want to live like this conversation with him so many times in the past. I'm frustrated that I tried so hard only to reach nowhere. I did it for our children they are out the house now. I also did it because he always claimed he wanted to be in the marriage and as he put it he actually thought he was being a good husband since he is a good provider and says he's never cheated (I have no reason to think he had/home all the time if not at work...) But, he never holds my hand, compliment me on anything, cuddle, kiss...
Im looking to stay strong and not fall apart as I reclaim my life and live again. At this point, I don't see any reconciliation. We just celebrated Father's Day and he was very excited with his gifts and how he was made to feel special. I've always gone out of my way for him. Mother's Day he did bring flowers. Like every Mother's Day. Still, that make me feel special thing is not for him. No kind words, actually very few words. Our anniversary dinner he wants to talk about insurance, never wanted to go away... As long as I'm quiet and not asking for more, it's all good. He's ready to go another 30 years. Only I can't do that.
I want someone who can look me in the eye, hold hands, genuinely laugh with me. Feeling like my life is a long list of chores to keep things looking normal while I'm really dying from the inside out because of this emotional neglect is just too much for me.
So that's my story, looking
-
Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
-
It's been some time since my last post...sorry. I've been going through a challenging time with the sale of my home, purchase of a condo and my adult asperger son that lives with me. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed, days where I stayed in my pj's and days where all I managed to do was eat, drink fluids and take care of my Sweet Mia kitty. Sweet Mia came to me from a shelter about...
You need to understand something very clearly.
Many of us here struggle with finding ourselves after being raised codependent.
We don't really know our true, authentic feelings because we have been brainwashed by people like YOU into doing, feeling and behaving in a manner that is untrue to ourselves.
Stop brow beating this woman and let her figure out who SHE is after years of a sucky existence.
Let her find her own way.
God knows where she is.
OP God gave you everything you need to decide your best course of action.
Listen to your own intuition is my suggestion.
Best wishes
Everything you see was made through him including you. So maybe you should be thankful. "Christ is all and in all."
There were some that were not. They were not turned
Away or should they have been. Marriages end for
Usually multiple reasons. Any good literature talks
About stop blaming your spouse, it gets you no where
good or Helps you move on. Look inward to heal yourself
And your heart. Marriages break down and change.
We were all at DC because we were struggling With
our divorce and all the issues and problems. Grieving
During that time is pretty intense and we all need as
much help, love and support as we can find.
Not Everybody was even legally married. Its not a
program Of judgement. We did discuss the religious
aspects of The Divorce which was good for the religious
people that were Attending. I am not sure how they
Feel about gay couples i should find that out. I was
told No one would be turned away.
Most people i know take their vows seriously It is
Usually the checked out spouses that stop or change
their tune Toward their marriage and their spouse and
there is not Much you can do about it when they are
emotionally Disconnected from you and want out.
We were all taught at DC to let the other person go
without behaving vindictive and to practice forgiveness.
We are All human and children of God, Vengence is
Not mine. I felt that way on the day of my divorce which
By the way was a blessing in disguise and i was in a good
place mentally, emotionally, morally and spiritually. He
Can now legally do what he wants, he is no longer my
Husband. That was still hard though after 30 years it still
is To be honest while there is a bond. I am Very glad for
no contact and moving out of town. My heart is healing
Slowly. HUGS
Dandelion, A very special thank you to you! I'm too I am too overwhelmed to go back n forth. God is love!
Second, two possible roads to travel, one road leads to divorce. The other road is acceptance of what you can not change(husband), and creating a life "of your own" within the marriage(what you can change).
It's Your Choice. Question...My Best Life will include???? only you have those answers.
I have done everything for him,and I do mean everything when his mom died,I took care to make sure his time of grieving was ok by listening and supporting if anything was amiss I made it right......4 yrs ago when my mom died I got money for the funeral from him and he came to wake and funeral,that was it ,didn't take the 3 days from work he gets for bereavement pay,said he was busy and that he gave me the money what more did I want from him......to have to explain to him what I needed and what should have came to him automatically was just to much for me. Thinking back now,I believe that was the beginning of the end for me. We both work full time jobs,we have no kids just a dog who is my saving grace most days. So yes this is what I mean by our husbands being brothers from a different mother......I wish you all the best. I am always here to listen.
He hid the cheating well as we moved across four states. Hours and pay matched and you could set your watch by the time he got home. He made friends in payroll who "fixed" his pay checks. I was able to trust again because he hid his cheating so well. In 97 he went to work overseas. I became his manager. His go to girl while he worked temp jobs for ten years. I managed three retirement accts., picked him up at the airport and put him on his next flight. I traded our trucks, bought and sold our houses as he cheated across Southeast Asia. A son left in the Philippines. It's hard to work on your marriage when the husband is only home once a year. Sex ended shortly after he went overseas.
I was realizing there was no fixing this. Then I found he was a diagnosed Narcissist and I chose to divorce. A divorce he didn't want but he had "married" a lovely very young Chinese woman and took her to Trinidad as his wife.
I'm happy and will never marry again. That's ok for me. I was advised by several lawyers to stay for the money. I'm a honest person and just couldn't live his lies. You have to do what makes you happy. Our time on this earth could be gone at any time. I intend to live the life I want and my life is very good. I was so lonely in the marriage but not now. I've filled my life with the things I wanted and love. I have no one to answer to and my life is so much happier.
Find a Divorce Care group at one of your local churches. They helped me so much. You do what you feel is best for you