Having to listen to the ex talk about his newest cashier....how smart, how she "gets it"; how better she is than every Asst Mgr (when I was one)....know that he had already cheated on me with one of his 20+ cashiers! Taking a picture of my favorite rose from my rose garden and assigning it to her phone number. Refusing to have sex or touch me for over a year. Spending time everyday talking to his manager "friends" that oh, ya were single and young. Just a small taste of the last couple of years with the ex!

Oh, and now he says he never did anything wrong and doesn't get why I am acting psycho.

My ex made emotional abuse an art. He did every single one of those 11 statements including killing one of my cats under the guise of putting her out of her misery. If I tried to fight back he would turn everything around and upside down and then pronounce me the "crazy one." He could be so absolutely charming and loving one minute and then a cold bastard the next. I never knew who I was going to wake up with every day.

Yep..I got..I am not doing anything or blowing smoke up your ass...the lies. To me those are the emotional abuse I am talking about. The fact that he made me try to think I was crazy..the fact I now have to bite my tongue for my children. The fact he told me he pays the bills and I could get out, etc. etc. Now I am enduring for my boys more just because he or I won't leave the house.

calling people on their shit = ruthless compassion (emphasis on the compassion)

emotional abuse = when someone uses your shit against you , and if you express an expectation to be treated with respect or compassion, your expectations are ignored or ridiculed

that's the difference

Gottcha Joy! Thanks for clarifying!!!

http://www.youarenotcrazy.com

I found this a couple years ago. Covers all aspects, so some will/will not apply, but, brought me to tears anyway...

I still get chills at the intro... *sigh8

I was most definately being emotionally (and other abuses) abused for years.....it really sucks and the residual effects are difficult to get over......"after all it wasn't that bad" *said sarcastically*

I hope I get out in time, before it leaves me numb for the next best years of my life.

I could have taken criticism and have no problem being called on my shit, but emotional abuse goes deeper. You begin to think you are the problem and try to change and then you become just what HE wants you to be. A whore-maid, always making sure HE is happy and everything runs perfectly for HIM. .

We don't think it's "that bad". Because we are not being physically abused. "I should be so grateful to him, for not wanting for anything" but yet, he won't give the easiest thing...emotional support!

I think I am lost in the land of cyber!

I've been there, it can totally destroy you and make you feel like nothing. But on the outside, noone sees it. Noone recognizes your pain. There are no bruises, so you delude yourself into thinking it's not that bad. The

if I had a quarter for every single time the JERK called me "worthless" "pathetic" "fat" "ugly", you get the drift here - I could go to the beach for at least a MONTH or maybe 3 months.

Now, after I completed a "healthy relationship" class at the Battered women's group - I can pick out the abuser very quickly in a crowd. They use "Stoppers" - statements or words to stop a woman from feeling good about herself and happy and beautiful - so now when I hear a "stopper" - I STOP and think "wait just a damn second here, that was a STOPPER" --- and what is interesting is, that some women use them as well.

another day I will post the list of STOPPERS for you guys.

I have to leave for my counseling now.

good topic. thanks

I think there are to many labels for everything. If one person is yelling or putting down the other why can't the other person yell back? Then everything is out in the open. But that's me - I like to get things out in the open.
I'm not a big believer in abuse unless the abuser is completely overpowering the other person, otherwise you've got to stand up for yourself...no one else will. Well, unless you have a fearless (stupid) friend like me, I've stood up to many a monster man for my friends and pulled them out of horrible conditions.
It's just not in me to take crap from people.

Emotional abuse can be so subtle. It can take so many forms.

As mentioned here, the belittleing can play with your emotions ... but I see that more as verbal abuse. Being constantly told you are worthless causes damage but it is based on a verbal pattern of abuse ...

However, emotional abuse can take different forms. For myself, it was the complete lack of support. The expectation that I would just take care of everything ... the house, the kids, bringing home the paycheck, the yard, etc. ... and she could just go about her business spending money we didn't have, spending time with her friends rather than with the family, and rejecting my attempts to draw closer in some way. This emotional AND physical disregard and abandonment created the emotional abuse for me.

She would tease the kids and get them all riled up just before their bedtime then go off to bed and blame me that the kids were not settling down or going to bed and being quiet. According to her, it was my responsibility to get them into bed and to stop making so much noise. If I didn't do it, she would complain and tell me to do something. She would overspend constantly and it was MY fault that I didn't have a job that paid enough ... how was I to know about all the credit cards she obtained online and set up online bill paying?

Yeah, I know what emotional abuse is ... and you don't have to be told you're fat, lazy, ugly, or stupid at all in order for it to inflict emotional damage. It is subtle, the damage is cummulative. At least you can see a punch to the face coming. These other things just slowly erode your confidence and your sanity ... make you twist yourself and become something you don't like in order to please them ... and they still don't give a crap.

I didn't realize what I've been going through the last 9 years since getting married was emotional abuse. :-( My husband has always had control of all that I do and treated me badly is a very angry man towards me when I do something to upset him. He has always abused me this way and I didn't even know it until recently or didn't want to acknowledge it I guess.

Emotional abuse is insidious. Sometimes you don't even know you're being abused until you are out of the situation. It makes strong women meek and changes a person in ways you wouldn't believe. A lot of my friends told me after my split that I wasn't the woman that they remembered me as being -- strong, feisty, independent. I'm getting that person back and I won't give her up again. I will be more vigilent the next time and won't fall prey to another abuser again.