Hi Mr_G,

Nice to meet you. Break ups suck! Doesn't even matter who's idea it was or which one did the breaking up, or if it was "mutual" (ha, yeah right, lol). It is going to feel crummy for awhile. You get used to this person and at one point you think you have found The One, and then it falls apart and we're left confused, sad and lonely.

But know that this person wasn't right for you. Because if they were, you would still be with them.

And maybe you've had other break ups before. Where you thought you'd never get over them. But you did. We've all been there, we know how you feel. It is not easy! But you are not alone.

Keep yourself busy. Reconnect with friends, family... even if online, see how they're doing. Helping others makes us feel good and happy.

I hope you find comfort here. Best wishes.

I think that's really good that even though you are in pain and miss your girlfriend you accept that your relationship with your girlfriend was not healthy. Over time, I think your pain will lessen and you can be open and available to a healthier relationship. Wishing you the best. Hang in there.

Thank you for the kind words of support.

Yes, I really thought this was the one I could spend the rest of my life with... but I guess I was wrong.

As GirlinCal said, I was left confused, sad and lonely, I feel lost in the middle of the storm without direction... I am looking in every direction, in this cloudy, dark storm, looking for a sign to tell me where my life path needs to continue... but I just do not see it yet.

You will be fine. I know it is hard. You can do it. Take as much time as you need, cry all you want. Do you miss her or the companionship she gave you. Those are two different things. Learn to love and be your own best friend. Hugs.

Hi Atpeacemary,
Your question has left me thinking... Do I miss her or her company? I would say both... her companionship and the experiences we shared together is a big part of who we were and the memories we built together.

This is not the first time I hear this question asked to me but I guess I am still not able to tell with certainty whether I really miss her or her company. How can you tell? What are the signs of missing her? vs. the signs of simply missing her companionship?

I am certain that my loneliness and not having many close friends to distract me is definitely contributing to me missing her more... after all, she was my best friend as well.

I was stuck in a marriage with a woman i was with for 9 years (2 dating 7 married) she eventually cheated on me and in a period of a few months i lost everything (wife, kids, house, cars, job, etc.) and went into a deep depression. It took years for me to realize that i was completely miserable with her but still loved her. even longer to get myself straightened out to where i can date. It's been 13 years and hopefully i will start dating soon so i know where you are coming from in a way.

Mr_G, I read your posting and I would say that's exactly what happened to me other than the fact I was married. I never felt loved by my wife and it was a chore for her to even try to show emotion. In 10 years of marriage not once did she ever initiated a kiss, or came close to me to touch me or sit next to me.

Over the years I tried to accept the lack of affection, kisses and even questioned myself as she made me feel useless, unattractive and basically worthless. She had become my life and I dedicated myself to her. I never cared for anybody as much as I cared for her and I gave her everything I could. (affection, love and a life where she didn't have to even work). I knew from early on in our marriage that we were not right for each other. I shouldn't have to ask for a kiss, or to be touched or.... For me what I think hurts the most is that I truly dont think she ever cared for me and this is not bothering her.. That sucks....

Hang in there.... I feel empty inside right not.. There are days that I dont even want to be here anymore because it hurts so much... But everywhere I am reading it says it will get better.. So I am goign to believe that......

Hey JustHurting,
I hear you... I know it’s very painful.... but I like to think that a higher power up there has something better prepared for me ahead of the road.... that I just need to keep moving forward to get out of this dark storm.
Hang in there!

I'm sorry to hear this. I am going through a divorce now and what I miss most is his snoring at night. Just the little things you grow used to, when they are gone...it feels like several losses, not just the loss of a relationship.

I hope that you can find a way to cope with this and look at your own value and worth.

I struggle with depression and there is a time to focus on my problems with Journaling, or talking to a friend. But focusing on my problems too much makes me worse. Routines and focusing on everyday tasks helps. And sometimes my brain is working out solutions or strategies for coping, when I'm not even thinking about the divorce.

Wishing you well!

Hang in there G.

I have felt a bit stronger over the past few days... I am trying to do what many have told me to do for such as long time... and that is to learn to love myself.
I still miss her tremendously and many, many times I question myself as to why I miss someone that has hurt me so much... someone that decided to walk away from me.
I know things will get better with more time... but it is still very difficult. There are days that feel so lonely, so desperate and get overwhelmed with an urge to call her, to text her...

Hey Mr_G.

Hang in the man. You are right in that things will get better and you will miss her less and less.

I would say for me one of the hardest things as well is the urge to call her or text her.. and I have, only to get insulted even more and then it feels like am in an endless cycle. I hardly do it anymore. I dont look at her pictures anymore because although they do bring back some good memories they make me want to call and text her. I am keeping my mind busy here and doing other things. I just started going for walks/run every afternoon and that seems to have helped. It doesn't make sense when you hear you should do that but get yourself to do that as it helps.

You will get through this... If you need somebody to talk to I am here...

Thank you JustHurtingNow,

Yes, it is humiliating to put ourselves in these situations. I have called her twice since our breakup.... this was in two different occasions when I was having a nervous breakdown.... I am not sure what I was looking for... maybe some type of comfort in my pain. She did not bother to answer and I think that I was almost begging her to pick up the calls...she never bothered to return my any of my calls or text... not even to check if I was ok....she simply walked away and never looked back.

During my second breakdown, when I attempted to contact her a second time, I learned from a common friend that she was on vacations at a beach somewhere... this was probably 2 weeks after our breakup. This made me feel so insignificant and I remember questioning that how is it that someone that claimed to love you so much, can walk away so easily without looking back at all.

I has been about 4 weeks since our breakup... it still hurts. She never bothered to reply to any of my messages. I think I am getting better, little by little and very slowly...

Hey Mr_G;

I know exactly what you are feeling. I couldn't agree with you more. I have called her multiple times and texted her. Every time I have done it has been for the same reasons as you, when I was having a nervous breakdown... As with you, every time I called her I would pray for her to pickup the phone or respond to a text. Nothing... It's as if she is heartless..

Not too long ago I find out that shortly after I moved out of the house she created a match.com account and through some mutual friends I found out she is seeing other guys. I question myself as to what I did wrong with her.. or to her.. Because I have a good job, I am respectful, decent looking guy, I love(d) her.. I was the home provider.... and she still made and makes me feed so Insignificant.. It sucks because there are days that I even cry in the shower because I can't understand how I let somebody treat me like that for so long (almost 11 years) and that they can just walk away from it so easy..

All we can do it hang in there and it will get better everyday. You seem like a good person and slowly we will get through this. My therapist asked me the other day.. "Knowing what you know about her right now, and how she has treated you, why would you want to be with her?". I reflected on that question a lot. And although I do love her and I miss our moments together, I wouldn't want to be with somebody that doesn't appreciate me and cares for me like I would care for them. It just sucks because right now it's my heart that is broken and not letting my brain think straight.

Hang in there..

This evening... I receive a text from her telling me that she misses me...it took me by surprise... I was not sure how to respond.

I took the opportunity to let her know the pain and damaged she caused in me... something that I just needed to let out.

Now that I felt I was making progress in letting her go... she decides to re-appear in my life. This has stirred different emotions in me...