I thought you were still married. Am I wrong?

Legally separated....just waiting for divorce papers

You're young. When I was young (a long time ago) I would not have dated a married man. Separtated or not. Maybe I'm old fashioned. I'd smack one of my kids if they were dating a married man or woman.

Take this time to heal. Be able to date and say I'm divorced. Separated means just that.

Hey Heave,

Maybe you need to get divorced. They may not want to make the emotional investment while you are still attached to someone else.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you; it's just you're still carrying baggage. Maybe it's time to cut her loose.

Just my two cents. Hope I didn't upset you.

Just a bit of advice Heave, women do like a bit of a challenge when it comes to dating. They don't want someone that is overbearing. I'm not saying that is what you are doing, are you talking about things too much in the future on these dates? Just be yourself, take things slow. Don't call alot or send alot of texts messages. Otherwise women will put up a guard.
Hang in there Heave, the right women at the right time will come your way and then you will cherish each other. Good luck!

It's early yet heave.
And it sounds like you might be coming on a little strong.
It's going to be okay.
I'm proud of you for getting out there.
For months after I left I was afraid to even talk to men.
I seriously left two different stores when men approached me.
I just couldn't deal.

Okay, I have to agree with Julie. I have dated and been the dumper and the dumpee.
Too smothering:
One was smothering me, called me too frequently-more than once a day, sent me flowers constantly and called my workplace. I was overwhelmed with it.
Too out of touch with me:
When their friends came around, I disappeared. One had the audacity to take a cell phone call from his buddy on our first date. I thought forget this.
Made too many references to their ex. In example, "my ex was a bikini model". Please! My ex was a science genius, I don't shove that down their throats.
Expected too much, too soon, in example "I am looking for someone to travel with me to Prague." That sounds great, but not on the first date.
Not serious about me at all, ie total player or came from a family that was out my league financially-easy to find in Philadelphia. It made me feel uncomfortable.
Hope this helps.

It may be a VA thing LOL I am having the same problems

Why not take your time and just let things happen the way they are supposed to happen? Is there a rule somewhere that says you have "need" to date or you "have" to date all the time? (not being sarcastic..I am REALLY curious)

I have to add my two cents on this.. while legally separated may not be legally divorced, I have to ask: When you are given your marching orders by your STBX and you are clearly told that there will be no chance of getting back together, just what is a person supposed to do if it takes awhile to get the paperwork settled? Some actions take a year or more depending on the particular situation, while some take a few months for those who are able to get them done quickly. Personally, I'm not convinced that being all alone after the breakup of a marriage or long term relationship is what I would call "healing". I don't think it is anyone's place here to tell someone that they need to be alone and "heal" instead of seeking or receiveing the companionship or affection of someone while they are waiting a state defined end to a relationship when they have been informed that it has long since been over.

I'm not telling him what to do. At least I hope not. I said I'm older and old fashioned. I have 4 children 18 to 25. I want them to value marriage. Their father didn't and I'm trying to show them that I will honor my vows. They have told me to date since stbx is with the ow but I stood before God with this man. I can't date while I'm married. To each his own but if he's having trouble could that possibly be the reason?

If I offended anyone, I'm sorry.

I think it totally depends on the situation. I only went out with one guy that was separated, the rest were divorced. I knew due to the situation there wasn't a chance in you know where, me and my ex were ever going to reconcile. He had just done too much.
I don't have kids either. There really wasn't anyone to set an example for, just me alone, which was very lonely.

I don't think anyone is telling Heave he can't date; I think many of us are trying to tell him what his dates might be thinking.

And I agree with sld1--I wouldn't date a man who is separated. I would be too concerned that I would become emotionally attached to him and then he would return to his wife. That may be the fear that these ladies have.

I don't judge people who choose to date during their separations. Everyone has a different situation and way of healing.

Dating after being married DOES suck!!! I have been engaged twice since my divorce(the last time,nearly 3 years)but I ended it when I saw that there were too many obstacles. Dating is a"screening"of sorts...everyone is different.The only sure fire way to find a compatible match is to endure the process(although I think that cyber world speeds the process a bit,for some.) No one likes to be smothered,deal with a braggart,hear about your past relationships or deal with someone burdened with emotional baggage.It may not be you,or you may come across as still needing time to get over your marriage.Be patient...Rome wasn't built in a day,and if you are looking for a deeper connection it may take time. Just be completely honest about your current marital situation,because it may spare you some uncomfortable situations while dating.

Hey Bro,
I started dating while we were separated and waiting for papers. My ex chose to use the fact that I was committing some biblical sin to add to the trauma I was already putting my kids through just so I could get my rocks off. Her opinion of course was wrong and I was really doing what most of us do - start dateing again to move on with our lives. But if you do have kids involved why not get some professional advice on how to pull it off so you dont make the same mistakes I did. Apparently there is some kind of protocol when it comes to dateing after a divorce that I was not aware of... Some time has passed now (2 months) since everything was final and I realize now that my choices are what drives my ability to "get over things". Dude she was a hottie, you liked her style, you gave it a shot... If you did the best you can do to try to make that relationship work, then knock off the pity party and give yourself some credit and move on...

I think the success of a long term relationship for me can happen when I: 1)keep going to therapy to deal with my own shit so as to not add it to the mix when maintaining a relationship in general no matter who it's with. 2)learn to own my mistakes and faults - I cant be everything to everybody "even though I've always tried to be". If she said its not going to work then stop wasteing your time, listen to what she's saying (because she's being as polite as she can till you try so hard to win her back you lable youself "Mr. Stalker" 3)Think about and be honest with everything related to sustaining a relationship - damn it's alot of work and I hate feeling like it's a permanent job interview that wont go away until I ask the woman to marry me. 4)I need to Get it through my head that I am NOT 21 anymore - point noted,,, moving on... 5)Find someone that can love me no matter how screwed up I am and realize that that person will mostlikely NOT have a hot body and lots of money. 6)come to grips with what really makes a relationship work - SACRIFICE that word covers a huge amount of topics from financial, emotional, physical, spiritual - hell just about everything and once I know how to manage my feelings, speech, attitude, potential and responses to reflect why I need to sacrifice a little or alot of me in order to meet in the middle of what is most of the time some stupid little thing that means alot to her... I think I'll succeed at this eventually, BUT... Knowing me I'll probably not follow my own advice and end up falling head over heels for some hot nurse with nothing but time and opportunity for me and only me and spoils me just enough for me to make an ass out of my self and ask her to marry me... just my thoughts... Thanks for the space.