Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Ok well the date went good and it went bad.
The date itself was great. The woman I met was very complimentary to me and kept telling me how cute and smart I was; which I must admit my ego needed.
We talked for 4 hours and had a lot of laughs. The conversations were very smooth and not at all staged. We really have so many things in common.
At the end of the night I gave her a little pick on the lips, no tongue or anything, but it was nice. She kind of cornered me by putting herself between me and my car door, so i guess in some ways I felt obligated.
So anyways it was fun. Well the next day I get an email from her basically saying I am the greatest guy she has ever met, and she didnt sleep all night because she was smiling thinking of me.
Well that just wierded me out. I had been honest with her about where im at and I thought she understood I wasnt ready to get mixed up with too many feelings right now.
I just dont think im going to be able to casually date right now. I am just not capable of hurting other people to make myself feel better. Im too good a person to do that, and thats basically what I would be doing right now.
Oh and by the way, I didnt bring any flowers, but I did buy dinner.
The date itself was great. The woman I met was very complimentary to me and kept telling me how cute and smart I was; which I must admit my ego needed.
We talked for 4 hours and had a lot of laughs. The conversations were very smooth and not at all staged. We really have so many things in common.
At the end of the night I gave her a little pick on the lips, no tongue or anything, but it was nice. She kind of cornered me by putting herself between me and my car door, so i guess in some ways I felt obligated.
So anyways it was fun. Well the next day I get an email from her basically saying I am the greatest guy she has ever met, and she didnt sleep all night because she was smiling thinking of me.
Well that just wierded me out. I had been honest with her about where im at and I thought she understood I wasnt ready to get mixed up with too many feelings right now.
I just dont think im going to be able to casually date right now. I am just not capable of hurting other people to make myself feel better. Im too good a person to do that, and thats basically what I would be doing right now.
Oh and by the way, I didnt bring any flowers, but I did buy dinner.
Hugs to you!
You will meet the right person when you are ready. Let her down gently and savor, for a moment, how it felt to be desired by someone else.
I suppose there are lots of people who use other people right now to prop themselves up; im just not into hurting other people. Especially knowing how much it hurt to be me when my stbx did what she did.
Also as every day goes by, I find myself feeling stronger and stronger, and feeling ok about being alone right now.
Besides I have my boys, so im never truly alone!
Let her know that you are happy that she enjoyed the date and that you had a great time as well. Next, reassure her that you want to keep seeing her (DO NOT SAY "BUT").
Let her know that it has been a while since you dated last and that you don't want to stuff things up by moving too fast or too slow.
But before you start telling her these things be honest with yourself "what do you truly want to happen between yourself and this woman". I f you want her discuss it with her. Don't let yourself be too cautious. You don't have to be wreckless but the objective is very important and you will have to talk about it with her. Communication at this time is pinnacle.
But i wouldnt totally give up on this woman if you did like her and get along
I would tell her flat out, that you did enjoy her company and it was fun, but you did feel rushed by her and you just cant go that speed. Maybe some more coffee dates or whatever, small small steps. She may be inclined to do it. And if she does and still goes to fast, then let her off.
I say this because maybe she was just doing what she thinks you wanted, maybe she was scared of you getting away who knows what she was thinking. I would give her a 2nd chance and after talking with her about what you experianced.
This is of course all subject to if you still even want to date, it does take time to heal and maybe you want more time. your court and ball, you call the rules.
Good luck at any rate.
http://dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/2561756-my-experience-new-quot-male
Try to look at this as a Positive Thing.
First, you got a good look at what you are not ready for. You can step back and wait a bit longer.
Second, she didn't play a game on you-she might have done a few dates and Then gotten possessive. Then you Would have felt guilty, maybe.
Figure out what YOUR Comfort zone is and stick to it. This is one time in your life that you need to be as selfish as you need to be. Otherwise you are not going to grow and heal.
At least that is what I keep getting told :-)
Best Wishes.
I am sure you will be sensitive in your reply. Best of luck and thanks for the update.
Dont give up on it completely! Just let her know what you are really feeling. If she really likes you she'll agree to take it slow