Nice bike

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid replies, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

i hate weddings. the old people always point at you and say "you're next!". so i've started doing the same crap to them at funerals. lol.

ok, ready for another? why was the tiger licking his butt?....he'd just eaten your STBX and wanted to get the taste out of his mouth :D

(((hugg))) you can get through this, you're a strong capable woman with a lot to offer. it will NOT be this lonely forever!!

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a rich neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 60 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $60. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

This song will make you smile...

Rehab - Bartender Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-_Cstkk6Jc

James that is so my song...

James: wink wink...

How come men snore when lying on their backs??



Their balls fall over their azzholes and they vapor lock.

(no offense to the guys.....just some:)

Damn! No wonder I snore...my balls are in the wrong place!

CD! LOL too funny...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! to Z.

*wiping off keyboard and screen*

CD I laughed out loud, thanks!! Good one!!

James, thanks I love that song too. The dude in prison were actually cute. OMG I am such a mess! Boy crazy I think!! I am attracted to prison dudes!! I have such good taste in men!!

At Christmastime, a postman walks up to a house and is greeted by a gorgeous blonde in a negligee. When he hands her the mail, she invites him inside, strips down and makes love to him. Then she hands him a five dollar bill. Wow says the postman, that sure was nice of you m'am. She laughs, eyes downcast, and tells him well I was going to give you a twenty, but my husband said fuck the postman, give him five bucks.

Cute I have heard that one before but still cute.
Going to bed now alone but, no longer crying!! Thanks guys, I can always count on you. DSers are the best people on earth. We are the best bunch of f*cked up people I have ever met!! LOL Love and Hugs to you all!!!

I know its a little late but get this I signed up for "The ABC's of wine tasting" that the people here where I live were putting on. I was running late due to work and still dirty and everyone was dressed to the hilt , u guessed it sept me. I swear I looked like Jethro ! Anyway get you some Cabernet Sauvignon and some dark chocolate and take a bite and a sip and the most wonderful taste happens.

Big hugs to you tonight my BFF. I wrote in your journal, but just want to say that I am proud of you for knowing what you want and not settling for less:-) ((((((((Happy))))))) Kimmee