Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
If you're read my prior posts, you know I'm early in the divorce process. My wife (19 yrs!) emotionally checked out and has been passive-aggressively treating me pretty poorly for a while now (I now see).
Over the last week I have noticed a disturbing pattern. When I leave the house in the evening (which I am trying to do for my own sanity), she gets together with a male neighbor (also married, wife travels a lot), our daughter in tow. They go for walks, hang out, etc. It's always when I'm gone. I only know about this because my daughter can't keep secrets. Last night I was out and he came over to watch a movie with them. My wife has my daughter lying to me about this!
So I'm pretty sure there is cheating or at least the beginnings of cheating going on. I told an old friend about this and his wife called me an hour later and confessed that my wife told her OVER A YEAR AGO that she was cheating on me with someone at work. And she seemed proud of it.
And the last 1-2 years all come crashing into perspective. And all the times that she treated me poorly while she was out cheating on me, just wow. And how vehement and angry she was in marriage counseling when I suggested she might be cheating! That moral high ground!
What a shitty, disgusting person she is. I am reeling.
I texted her to tell her what a POS I think she is, that I'm sad that my child has her for a mother, and that she will never again have an ounce of my respect. It's not just the cheating. It's all the ways she glibly lied about it, did little things to hurt me along the way (the passive-aggressive stuff). The torture of marriage counseling when she was checked out already. All of it. So not only is she a liar and a cheat, she is mean-spirited and vindictive too.
And somehow we are supposed to go through a mediated divorce now? And somehow in two days we are telling my daughter about the divorce and I have to pretend my wife isn't a POS in front of her? And somehow I have to live here for almost two more months until my new place is vacant?
This is just too hard.
Over the last week I have noticed a disturbing pattern. When I leave the house in the evening (which I am trying to do for my own sanity), she gets together with a male neighbor (also married, wife travels a lot), our daughter in tow. They go for walks, hang out, etc. It's always when I'm gone. I only know about this because my daughter can't keep secrets. Last night I was out and he came over to watch a movie with them. My wife has my daughter lying to me about this!
So I'm pretty sure there is cheating or at least the beginnings of cheating going on. I told an old friend about this and his wife called me an hour later and confessed that my wife told her OVER A YEAR AGO that she was cheating on me with someone at work. And she seemed proud of it.
And the last 1-2 years all come crashing into perspective. And all the times that she treated me poorly while she was out cheating on me, just wow. And how vehement and angry she was in marriage counseling when I suggested she might be cheating! That moral high ground!
What a shitty, disgusting person she is. I am reeling.
I texted her to tell her what a POS I think she is, that I'm sad that my child has her for a mother, and that she will never again have an ounce of my respect. It's not just the cheating. It's all the ways she glibly lied about it, did little things to hurt me along the way (the passive-aggressive stuff). The torture of marriage counseling when she was checked out already. All of it. So not only is she a liar and a cheat, she is mean-spirited and vindictive too.
And somehow we are supposed to go through a mediated divorce now? And somehow in two days we are telling my daughter about the divorce and I have to pretend my wife isn't a POS in front of her? And somehow I have to live here for almost two more months until my new place is vacant?
This is just too hard.
My parents split up when I was 2. And to this day neither one of them has ever said a bad word about the other. Nothing. If I ask "Why did you get divorced?" they always give some variation of "We were too young/We just weren't getting along." And that's it. I really respect that about my folks. Never did I imagine that I might one day take that same train of thought with my children.
Incidentally, I recommend not sending any more "You are a POS" texts or emails to your wife. They may feel wonderfully cathartic to you, but... A judge or jury (God forbid it goes that route) and/or her friends and family might see it as emotional abuse from you.
it is a trump card to shut down the discussion, it is a shallow play on emotion.
the child has to live with the effects forever, best she be kept completely unaware so that it won't hurt her, do you see the incongruence?
One good thing can come along with the anger and that could be some sort of feeling of vindication. That there would have been nothing you can do to satisfy a person of that character. Im just sorry she put you through what she did and for the time that was wasted being played.
With that said,on the legal side, since she has committed adultery at least once for sure, I would think you would have a pretty good standing in having the child fulltime as well as be able to stay in the house. There may be some part of you that wants to argue that she "has always been a good mother" but a good mother would not be having a revolving door of guys coming through a home, where their child lives, once daddy leaves for work. and to be honest, 8 years of age is old enough to know a thing or two about a thing or two. And while I wouldn't tell your child the reason for the split is cus mommy is a cheating ho, I would not lie and use a blanket statement that you two are just going in two separate directions. That you love them and together you will all get through it.
The sooner you get divorced, the better off you are going to be. Yes, she is a liar. Don't go to marriage counseling if you don't have the intention of saving your marriage.
so you out to come down from your judgemental high horse
there are only 2 ways to protect someone from truth
1) make truth that they don't need protection from
2) give them tools, support, coping skills to deal with reality both pleasant and unpleasant
and thanks for the easter bunny shot , you tool
i don't care for tools like yourself