Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
If you're read my prior posts, you know I'm early in the divorce process. My wife (19 yrs!) emotionally checked out and has been passive-aggressively treating me pretty poorly for a while now (I now see).
Over the last week I have noticed a disturbing pattern. When I leave the house in the evening (which I am trying to do for my own sanity), she gets together with a male neighbor (also married, wife travels a lot), our daughter in tow. They go for walks, hang out, etc. It's always when I'm gone. I only know about this because my daughter can't keep secrets. Last night I was out and he came over to watch a movie with them. My wife has my daughter lying to me about this!
So I'm pretty sure there is cheating or at least the beginnings of cheating going on. I told an old friend about this and his wife called me an hour later and confessed that my wife told her OVER A YEAR AGO that she was cheating on me with someone at work. And she seemed proud of it.
And the last 1-2 years all come crashing into perspective. And all the times that she treated me poorly while she was out cheating on me, just wow. And how vehement and angry she was in marriage counseling when I suggested she might be cheating! That moral high ground!
What a shitty, disgusting person she is. I am reeling.
I texted her to tell her what a POS I think she is, that I'm sad that my child has her for a mother, and that she will never again have an ounce of my respect. It's not just the cheating. It's all the ways she glibly lied about it, did little things to hurt me along the way (the passive-aggressive stuff). The torture of marriage counseling when she was checked out already. All of it. So not only is she a liar and a cheat, she is mean-spirited and vindictive too.
And somehow we are supposed to go through a mediated divorce now? And somehow in two days we are telling my daughter about the divorce and I have to pretend my wife isn't a POS in front of her? And somehow I have to live here for almost two more months until my new place is vacant?
This is just too hard.
Over the last week I have noticed a disturbing pattern. When I leave the house in the evening (which I am trying to do for my own sanity), she gets together with a male neighbor (also married, wife travels a lot), our daughter in tow. They go for walks, hang out, etc. It's always when I'm gone. I only know about this because my daughter can't keep secrets. Last night I was out and he came over to watch a movie with them. My wife has my daughter lying to me about this!
So I'm pretty sure there is cheating or at least the beginnings of cheating going on. I told an old friend about this and his wife called me an hour later and confessed that my wife told her OVER A YEAR AGO that she was cheating on me with someone at work. And she seemed proud of it.
And the last 1-2 years all come crashing into perspective. And all the times that she treated me poorly while she was out cheating on me, just wow. And how vehement and angry she was in marriage counseling when I suggested she might be cheating! That moral high ground!
What a shitty, disgusting person she is. I am reeling.
I texted her to tell her what a POS I think she is, that I'm sad that my child has her for a mother, and that she will never again have an ounce of my respect. It's not just the cheating. It's all the ways she glibly lied about it, did little things to hurt me along the way (the passive-aggressive stuff). The torture of marriage counseling when she was checked out already. All of it. So not only is she a liar and a cheat, she is mean-spirited and vindictive too.
And somehow we are supposed to go through a mediated divorce now? And somehow in two days we are telling my daughter about the divorce and I have to pretend my wife isn't a POS in front of her? And somehow I have to live here for almost two more months until my new place is vacant?
This is just too hard.
Best of luck to you
It sounds like you need to remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. Have you considered other housing options like Extended Stay America or the Residence Inn until your apartment is ready? Do you live near any universities? Lots of students try to sublet when the school year ends. There's also a temporary/short-term housing section on Craigslist.
Cheaters...they're just not that original they all have the same lame playbook. After 14 months I can honestly say good riddance!!
Is there ANY way you could get out of there for those two months? That seems like an intolerable situation. Do you have friends or family where you could bunk? Now that the weather is getting warmer, maybe someone has a trailer or RV they'd let you live in?
Just so sorry you're going through this.
Some problems - I am the one who picks her up from school, brings her home, starts dinner, homework, etc. At least until we decide to start our joint custody arrangement. But I'm not sure I want to do that if I'm living in someone's spare room or a hotel. I could bring her home to our house and get that stuff going, then some nights hand her off to the unmentionable (and leave) and other nights ask her not to come home until I put my daughter to bed? Then I leave when she comes home? I'm not quite sure how to arrange that.
If I come up with an arrangement that causes me to see my daughter less, it could possibly be used against me in court?
I could ask the unmentionable to move out but I don't think she will. She wants to stay in the house until it sells.
I don't know what to tell you about the living arrangements because my kids were adults when I split from the ex. We went to a mediator because I didn't want to fight about anything. After that three years of torture, I couldn't wait to get the hell out. I fled the house like it was on fire. Hardly took anything with me-no pictures, no furniture, nothing!
I didn't ask for alimony either. I wanted him out of my life that bad.
It's not easy, especially in the beginning but I promise you it gets exponentially better after you leave a cheater and gain a life! (chump lady)
Good luck
lemaym1.wordpress.com/
If the truth is that mommy had an affair
Don't cover it up!
That would be a lie.
And you would be part of the lie