Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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felifel 10/09/2014

For a while I had been debating whether or not to change my last name back to my maiden name after the divorce. I eventually decided to change it back since I liked my last name better and I did not want to carry my ex's last name anymore. I do realize there are cons to doing this, though. Like it's going to be a pain in the butt to change everything and my name will be different than my daughter's. Anyway, I went ahead and changed it with the SS office last month and now the final change with the DMV today makes it official. It's going to take time to get used to my maiden name again after 10 years. I thought I would be indifferent to this change or even happy, but it made me a little sad today. Not sure if anyone can relate. I can't change my mind now, but I'm a little curious on what others have chosen to do.

panther99 10/09/2014

I changed mine back too, for the same reasons you did. I have had minimal to no issues after it was changed except for maybe doctor's offices having me listed under my old name. Plus, when I email my kid's teachers I need to specify that I am their mom...as it's not apparent from the last name.
I am thrilled to not have my married name anymore

MrCellophane 10/09/2014

Ironically... I included a clause in my Separation Agreement that will REQUIRE my stbx wife to change her name back to her maiden name, promptly after divorce. She doesn't deserve to have my name.

Hey, think of it this way: If you remarry, you'll get to go through the whole name change routine again!

ALD13072 10/09/2014

I too went back to my maiden name and a year later I still smile every time someone says my last name. I found it no hassle at all to change things. We didn't have children so it was an easy decision for me. I just found it extremely freeing to have no connection to him.
Hopefully in time you too will think it was the best decision for you!

11Christmases 10/09/2014

I hope the change ends up making you happy. I have a few friends that decided to do the same thing. They seem happy. I plan to keep my married name. I have had it for most of my career, and it sounds better. My maiden name sounded kind of goofy.

On a side note, one thing I did change that was a total pain as far as having to update everything, ended up making me happy - the home phone number. I wanted to keep it, but it was such a pain changing carriers that I just took a new number. It made me unexpectedly happy. I suspect cutting this last tie with your ex will end up making you happy once you get used to it again.

jaclyn1973 10/09/2014

I'm changing mine. No kids, so that is not a problem. Had my last name way longer than I had his. I'm not trying to be mean but I dont want his name anymore and I am trying to get rid of all ties to him. Getting ready to move and start a new job in another city. By then, everything will be changed to my maiden name.

yougospam 10/09/2014

My ex wanted me to change it back to my maiden name, at first that ticked me off, no way was he going to tell me what to change my name too but the more I thought about it I decided it was the best name to change it to. We don't have kids together, we don't have any ties. I thought about changing it back to my first married last name so it would be the same as my sons but didn't want my first ex to get any ideas that I wanted him back so my maiden name it is. I did change the wording in my decree to say I will change my name to my maiden name "at the time of my choosing" . That way I can legally change it when I want to change it, not because I was told to. Ladies, we know what a pain in the butt it is to change our names, huh?

11Christmases 10/09/2014

I once knew someone whose parents were divorced, then her dad went and married another woman with the same first name as wife #1. Wife #1 had to go back to her maiden name then, or risk being confused with Wife #2. So, at least that can never happen to you, if you go back to your maiden name! I think that's the only way I'll change mine, is if my STBX marries another woman with my first name. And then it will feel like I'm being forced. Oh well.

auniecoley 10/09/2014

In Mass you have to ask in your divorce proceedings to have your maiden name back, I'm figuring it's some type of old blue law. Anyways I definitely want my maiden name back, like many of you I have no children with my ex and my career was honestly better before I took his name. Unfortunately my ex left me, hence our divorce, just as I applied for disability through my pension. Of course we are already divorced and house sold, and my disability claim is still pending. So, with the wonders of paperwork I'm way too scared to mess with a name change during this. Fir the mean time I will continue to have this last name :(

felifel 10/10/2014

Thanks for all the responses. It's reassuring to know that others feel the same way I do. Hopefully the transition will be smooth for me. I don't know if I should mention it to my ex or if I should just let him find out on his own eventually. I just get the feeling that he would feel sad to know that I changed it, though I'm sure he would understand why.

neverceases 10/10/2014

You can still change your name back in MA even if you didn't ask for it in the divorce. You just have to petition the court and it isn't free. I was married for 27 years so I had his name longer than I had my maiden name so I opted to keep it.

I just recently decided I don't want to honor him by keeping his name. My children are grown so I don't think it matters if we have different names anymore. I just inquired about how to go about doing this since I live in MA and it will be a little more painful but it can be done. I'm going to try to have it all completed by the time we had our day in court. That would be sweet!

Justme2892 10/10/2014

I kept my married name but that is because of my son and my line of work.

I honestly don't give it any thought, and I don't associate it with my ex. I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing and putting things/people in the "right" box in my head. My ex is in the "He's my son's father" box. Nothing more, nothing less.

I think it's a personal decision, and I'm glad if you make the one that is right for you.

Sending you strength...

refurb 10/10/2014

i'd like my name back, my cheating wife soiled herself yet she keeps my name,
she cheated, choose divorce yet keeps my name.

WTF?

trisha9054 10/10/2014

I kept my married name. I've used this name for longer than my maiden name. I'm somewhat established for my home business with my married name.

There were no warm fuzzy memories connected to my birth name. It would have been a terrible hassle to change my name. I had enough problems getting the ex's name off my truck and horse trailer . I wasn't going thru that again.

Anyway I earned that married name and I chose to keep if for many reasons and we had a daughter together.

jokiwhau 10/12/2014

I too am changing my name after 20 years of marriage, and it isn't easy by any means. It has been your identity, and now that you are divorced you will have a "new" identity.

It is weird, because I also will have a different name than my kids. Let's look at this as opportunity to create a new life along with our new names! :-)

1Timeforhim 10/12/2014

I will when I have the energy quite frankly I am tired of expending the energy I do have to do right now........divorce is a real time consuming process a pain in the you know what....so no I will down the road

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