Girl, Im right there with you. About the same amount of time too, 7 1/2 years. To be disregarded and forgotten and he returned to his life as if i never existed. Then to make it worse, i find out he had been lying to me about so many things all along. It's a horrible feeling! All i can do is cling to God. But its difficult. I have no magic words to make it better. All i can say is you are not alone. - Hugs

Thank you everyone. It's so hard because you feel so alone. And then you feel like people judge you because you're struggling with this. Like letting go of a 7 year relationship should be a piece of cake. And then I see people who were in 10...15...25 year relationships and I think to myself that I'm just a baby or weak because I'm having the hardest time letting go of mine and it was a lot shorter.

Linny it really doesn't matter, I was just as crushed before I met my wife when I was dumped from a one year relationship. I think it just doesn't take as long recovering but the pain was the same. You'll get over it..NC really is the way. Back in the 80's it was much easier with no cell phones and social media etc.. I can see how that makes it harder.

My wife left me for another man almost three months ago. Says she wants to come back but she hasn't put in any effort and is still living with him. I tried to go no-contact for a week, but every time she texts me, I give in and respond. I told her I'm filing for divorce, and it wasn't an ultimatum. Reality hit me and I told her I realized she will never come back. I sent her an email letting her know she needs to find whatever it is that will bring herself to peace in what she did. Hopefully that will be enough for her to not reach out to me and give me peace as well.

Hang in there. In time you having no contact with him will give you clarity.

I honestly hope so.

If you feel lonely, distract yourself with things you enjoy doing. Call your friends, visit family, find a hobby, go on a date, foster an animal, take a personal interest course, read a magazine, eat bonbons, just distract yourself from thinking about him. You say you can't, but you can, you just don't want to, and that's the difference. You, like so many others, prefer to wallow in self-pity and believe irrational thoughts because it's comforting, and it keeps you connected to them. It's time to let go, disengage and put them in your past where they belong. Stop the nonsense of self-torture and purgatory.

The length of time it takes someone to get over a lost relationship is based purely on their mindset. Some can quickly move forward, once they process how bad that person is/was for them. Within a short period of time, they'll rebuild their confidence and feel glad that person is no longer in their life. While others prefer to drag themselves through the mud over it, ruminating on the why's, the how could he's, and the what if's. Those thoughts are fantasy and irrational, and it's done to keep them in our life, even at the cost of our emotional wellbeing. Its' done, he's done, he's no good for you, it's over and it's time to put your big girl pants on and move on.

Wishing you well.

It's not so much me not wanting to move on. I want sooo much to move on. I can't stop the random memories that flood my brain when I watch certain things on tv or if someone says something. A memory is triggered and I can't exactly say to my brain.. "no. you can't think of that." I do call my friends, they of which ask me how I am doing and I tell them fine, meanwhile I am really depressed inside and can't shake the feeling of loneliness at night when I am about to go to sleep. Dating doesn't help because I have trust issues and overthink stuff now. I can only distract myself so much and at the end of the day, I can't help my memories and emotions from coming through.

I understand your advice, but mainly I was just asking for people to tell me if they have felt the same way. I know a lot of it is about your mindset. I am trying to work on myself, but when we did literally EVERYTHING together and I grew up with him, its hard to compartmentalize it all. Like getting into shape. We went to the gym together and worked out together. I have to think about that every time I got to the gym. Everything I have is connected to him in some sort of way. Therefore it is a constant struggle. Have I talked to him since the last time we agreed to no contact? No. It's been 6 days. Every single day is a struggle, but I am trying.

But you can stop those random memories, you just don't want to disconnect from him. If something comes on t.v., change the channel. If someone says something to trigger you, change the conversation but whatever you do don't romanticize them because you're giving them life; expunge them and move on.

What about changing up your lifestyle and maybe do things differently so you don't find yourself at the gym thinking about him, or going to the same place you once went to, and so on. It really isn't difficult, but if you keep doing the same things, nothing will change, and you'll be the sorrowful pitiful one, not him.

There's a reason you're no longer together, and that should be your focus. The day you decide that you no longer want to live like this, is the day it will start to change for you, and the day you will make serious changes. You control your mind and your thoughts, they don't control you.

If you have trust issues, it's yourself you don't trust in making sound decisions or choosing well.

You said you hate thinking about someone who doesn't think about you, and you were referring to your ex. Does this seem rational to you? I think you would benefit immensely from talking to a therapist who can help you understand yourself and give you guidance when it comes to your thoughts and how to control them, instead of letting them control you.
Life is short and you're worth so much more.

Wishing you well.

Thanks for the advice again, even though like I said before I really am just trying to see if I'm not the only one feeling this way. You may be able to control your memories but just an FYI...I did change the channel. But by then the memory was already there. I tried to not think about it but it already happened. Then as a result I ended up dreaming about him. I kept waking up and went back to sleep to the same dream. Not all of us are the same. This was my first real serious and longest relationship. It's also my first really hard break up.

I know why we broke up. It was lack of communication by him that lead to him drifting away from the relationship and then finding solace in another person. When we broke up he stepped up his feelings for other person because he was already detached from me due to the years of him not telling me he was unhappy. I know the communication was a big problem because we found out things we didn't know about each other after the break up. He has admitted it was because of that and that he should have tried harder but didn't and now his feelings are gone.

I'm glad some people have a better time with this. Yes I'm sure I do need therapy. I know I have attachment issues and I am working on them. But to be honest..:this type of advice that just points out what I'm doing wrong and saying that I'm purposely doing this to myself isn't helpful to me. It just makes me feel worse. This is partially why i stopped coming on here because when I think support group...I think of people being there for you. Giving you some advice, but not in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself.

dont feel pathetic uts hard to lose someone like that just try to be strong when he calls or text and tell yourself i could never be happy with him again and pray for the strength to move on

I agree it's a process I know it would be better no contact but it's hard and yes it feels pathetic. Especially when they ignore you.

oh girl i have experienced this recently, giving up your dreams and everything, yet it somehow ends up not being enough to hold on to your relationship. Being cheated on is one the hardest things a person can experience, but sometimes we just have to try and pull the positives out of a negative situation.

Your last sentence makes little sense.

You didn't break up because, "It was a lack of communication by him that lead to him drifting away from the relationship and then finding solace in another person." You broke up because he's a cheater, and instead of facing the facts, you've placed him on a pedestal and romanticize it, which is pathetic. I'm not sure what kind of support you're looking for, but someday when you're mature enough, you'll realize that the truth, no matter how much it hurts, carries far more substance than a 'now-now dear.' The advice offered by everyone here is a gift to you, what you decide to do with it is completely up to you, but to be offensive to those who offer it, says a lot about you.

Wishing you well.

Well I have experienced enough negatively driven advice for one time. I'll just disregard anything that I find offensive at this point. I am working on myself, but we all have bad days. When I posted this original post, I was having a bad day. Are all of my days like that? NO. Definitely not. But if all I did was pretend I was happy and ignore my feelings so I can "move on" faster, then I wouldn't be doing it effectively. Thanks to all of you who expressed kind words to me without judgement. Much love to all of you :)

Please don't privately message me with offensive remarks. If you have something to say, say it here for all to read.