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Can anyone explain this to me?

linny5227
linny5227

My ex left me for someone in a relationship essentially. He claims she doesn't even love her bf, and yet she still hasn't broken up with him. As someone who has never been unfaithful, or even thought about it, I don't get that. She's not married to him. She doesn't have any kids with him. She doens't even live with him, yet she won't leave him for my ex. He seems to not think that's an issue and has hope it will work out in the end. 


Why would she stay if she didn't love him is the question? My ex ended up having to move back home (which is an hour away) because he couldn't get a place on his own. If she really loved him like she says she does (you can see from a previous post from the text screenshot I posted), then why wouldn't she just dump her bf and go to the man she claims she loves so much? 


I don't want my ex back, but it does anger me that he left me for someone unavailable. He talks her up so much to me and defends her, like he never did me, and yet she still has a bf and lives in another city. 

codewreck
codewreck
i have been through a similar experience. i've been cheated on in the past and the person my boyfriend cheated with was also in a relationship at the time. sometimes people just act impulsively and manage to convince themselves it's worth it somehow. i can't understand it either.
linny5227
linny5227
I know that if I found myself in a situation where I didn't love my bf, I wouldn't stay. And IF I got into a situation where I was with someone in a relationship and they claimed they didn't love their significant other, I would wonder why they wouldn't choose me and leave. It's just mind boggling.
mirandac
mirandac
Go total no contact with him, text or email about
the Business at hand only. No personal chit chat.

At the beginning we all want to know why, who,
What, where and how? Then we Finally figure out
it does not matter anymore.

Its like the need To know what they are up to, that
goes away after You can finally detach from them.

What good does it do you if you keep checking on
Him you are creating your own hurt, Pain and rejection.

Our journey now is all about us getting better And
healthier without them in it. Many times it was Long
overdue to end if it became toxic. Sometimes its a total
surprise And we had no inkling they were so Checked
out and Disconnected from us.

Generally if they are cheating they have been Checked
out for awhile. Most of the time it is not a rash last minute
Thought, It is usually done with intent And purpose, HUGS
kaykay19
kaykay19
Linny, she isn't sure the ur x that she is seeing on the side is worth leaving the current dude. she is playing a game, and sadly he fell into the trap and left u for someone who very well might never be with him as he wants.
Cora_Belle
Cora_Belle
Maybe your X's GF doesn't leave her BF, even though "she doesn't love him" because he provides other benefits - maybe she gets a place to live, maybe he pays for her car, maybe he gives her plenty of $$. It could be anything, but apparently she gets something from her BF that she is not willing to forego to be with your X.
Kcamp
Kcamp
He deserves it. He made the choice to start a relationship with a women that was cheating and lying to her boyfriend. He didn't give any thaught to the boyfriend's feelings or your feelings.
Be thankful you dont understand why people cheat and lie. Don't even try. You have integrity and morals. Find someone that also has integrity and stop wasting your time trying to figure out people who are immoral. You wont ever find answers, only excuses...
linny5227
linny5227
I know I should cut contact. This is all information he told me up until he moved his stuff out Sunday. I try...but then he texted me today asking me something about my car and it just flooded me with everything again.
sjs777
sjs777
@linny we're all human. the irony of distancing is it often leads to the other person pursuing, which can make things trying at the beginning for the person who wants to move on
bees2000
bees2000
Sweety, he likes the challenge. Once a person like him gets what he wants, they usually move on to another quest. You deserve someone whom appreciate s you for you. You are OK. Its not you, it's him. Stand above be kind to him, but say to yourself, I can't change anyone else. Say to yourself, I like me. Pease stop allowing him to rob your life. Ask your self, in 10 years is this where I want to be, hurting, cryi g over someone who is always looking at other women. No, sweety, you deserve much more. Life is so very short. Jump this hurdle and protect your heart.......God bless.
bridgie101
bridgie101
too much thinking lol. If you can't ask her, don't bother thinking about it. Basically she's led him on for her own personal entertainment, he due to some kind of vulnerability (that he is going to grow out of smartly) has got sucked in by it and now she won't leave the boyfriend.

Well, how often do we get that, where the secretary has the 20 yr affair with the boss who's always going to leave his wife, but never does?

People get what they want. If homewrecker chick wants to live somewhere, then that's where she will live. And she is doing what she wants, and what she is getting is what she wants.

It's your boyfriend I feel sorry for. Because he's just thrown everything away for a handful of hot air.
Dandelion
Dandelion
Yes, he really sounds, well, dumb and gullible.

Unless there's stuff going on that you aren't privy to so haven't stated here, he really sounds delusional and foolish.

Whatever. As bridgie said, he's just chasing a whole lot of nothing.

Just goes to show you how far and how low people will take themselves chasing some fantasy in their heads.
linny5227
linny5227
That's what it seems like to me. A fantasy. He wants something he can't have. And yes, I am much better off. I want someone who wants me and only me and doesn't run off to the next thing just because things get rough.

Thank you all!
Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet
A couple of whacked out people with no sense of maturity or compassion. YOU are much better than either him or her. You can't see it, but 'he' is gonna get hurt ... and will end up with neither you nor her. You don't have TIME for this childish game. Take your qualities and yourself toward someone who is a match. You are above this.
linny5227
linny5227
You are completely right. Thank you!
ripped_my_heartout
ripped_my_heartout
I have to agree with mirandac. No contact is the way to go. That means no social media as well. Stay off his Facebook and what ever else. No need to keep in touch, it will just be harder for you to move on. Stay strong and work on healing yourself. You are all that matters now. Might not seem like it now but you'll be better off eventually.
-HUGS-