Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Been living with an alcoholic spouse

prplcarn
prplcarn

I've been with this man for 10 years.  Alcohol became a problem after about 6 years in to the relationship.  Now he's in a rehab program for the 3rd time.  This time he has stayed in it and even made it to IOP.  I've been through Alonon and am now learning about the effects of co-dependency.  I think i'm a strong person, but he can manipulate me in a second with seeing him how he used to be and false promises.  We have separated multiple times to the choices made and situations arising from the drinking.  Now he is out again and went to the rehab, going further along in the steps this time than any other.  I'm growing stronger, as i'm learning more about the effects of being in a co-dependent relationship.  But some days are really hard, to know if this is different or just the manipulation has changed.

mlr0853
mlr0853
Yes, Your Life and His Life are Hard ...now...and Yes keep doing what you are doing to care for yourself with Alanon...I give you a lot of credit for the hard work you are doing to maintain Your Life....He has made choices, and You Get To Make Choices Too....your heart strings may be pulling you...HE has to walk his own path to recovery, No One can do the hard work for him....you'd be hurting him by enabling and that would be sad since this past rehab...one minute at a time, keep strong, and keep going to Alanon...Take good care of YOU! There is a co=dependent site here on ds...Mirandac is the gal who runs it...I think she is also in the divorce group as well....she's a good person with a solid head on her shoulders....she'll be able to help you too...
jonathanhayashi
jonathanhayashi
I’m sorry to hear about the last decade or so the struggle and addiction that you found in your spouse. It’s extremely difficult to find within that relationship how you can continue to commit and be faithful as it’s devastating because it seems like it’s a never ending cycle.

I want to remind you as I do with my counselors, it’s not that person. That person is under the influence of the substance abuse and it’s the addiction that is within that needs to be treated. How can you overcome the feeling of whether it’s manipulation or to trust the person? It will take time for certain and each addict that undergoes any individual rehab or group therapy looks different so it’s hard to nail down when they overcome it.

I hope this makes sense. Praying for you and your spouse.
prplcarn
prplcarn
Well time prevailed. And it turns out it wasn't all the drinking. The cheating and lieing are his personality.
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