Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I know in my mind that the relationship I had with my ex was very dysfunctional and that continuing in the relationship would have only resulted in more pain, frustration, and sadness. I also know in my mind that my ex and I are just too different for a relationship between us to work out. I know in my mind that I need to let go, stop dwelling on the negative thoughts, and move forward with my life. My mind tells me that we are both at fault for the failure of our marriage. My mind tells me that my ex-wife deserves to find someone that she can be happy with. My mind tells me that I deserve to be happy and that I can not be happy with my ex. All of these things I KNOW in my mind.
My heart tells me that it is hurting. My heart tells me that I am still in love with my ex wife. My heart tells me that it is too painful to let go. My heart tells me it needs time to mourn and that it can't keep up with the pace my mind is setting ... which causes me more pain. My heart tells me that it gave its all to the relationship and is in pain because it got so little in return. My heart does not want to let go even though it is causing me so much pain to hold on.
I want to let go and move on but feel like I am being torn in two. Can anyone relate?
My heart tells me that it is hurting. My heart tells me that I am still in love with my ex wife. My heart tells me that it is too painful to let go. My heart tells me it needs time to mourn and that it can't keep up with the pace my mind is setting ... which causes me more pain. My heart tells me that it gave its all to the relationship and is in pain because it got so little in return. My heart does not want to let go even though it is causing me so much pain to hold on.
I want to let go and move on but feel like I am being torn in two. Can anyone relate?
I'm an engineer by profession and logic and reason are my minds primary tools.
I'm a giver by nature and love, compassion, and empathy are my hearts primary tools.
My gut is not bound by any of these tools and simply tells me the truth. Sometimes it takes time to understand what my gut is trying to tell me, but it is typically right on target. I need to learn to trust it more. :)
Are your heart and mind really completely at odds? Your mind is telling you that past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. Your mind is telling you that this relationship has brought you unneeded pain and frustration. Your heart is registering pain every time you think of her. You're not just mourning letting go of her, you're mourning what you've already lost. Maybe you've spent years letting your mind tell you that it wasn't so bad?
Doesn't it feel better to trust yourself? I think you're going to be ok.
What movie was that line from ("as hard as you imagined, you only wish it was that easy")? I'd like to see that one.
Apparently us caregivers need to learn that our heart will betray us if we let it run without a leash. Thanks to all who posted. It REALLY helps to know this is "normal" and necessary.
Yes, I can relate. You are grieving very deeply and that's okay. Everything I've read about grieving states that we shouldn't try to shove our feelings aside. That we should just feel them.
Right now I'm reading "How to Mend a Broken Heart, letting go and moving on" by Aleta Koman. The book is helping me a lot and I highly recommend you get this book bigguy. I think it will help you understand a lot of things you are going through.
I feel your pain and I am so sorry what your having to go through this. I promise you that things will get better. Your feelings are 100% normal. I've had them too and there were days I just wanted to die. The pain was just too much for me to bare. I loved my husband very much and not for one nano second did I think he would ever hurt me, but he has and now I need to move on and also forgive him.
Also, it takes two people to make a marriage good or bad and I'm now taking responsibility for the damage I did in the marriage.
Hang in there bigguy. You are going to be okay.
Alexandria