Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I pose this question to the group because I see and read a lot of posting about dating and relationships after a divorce or separation.I could be wrong in my assessment but I get the feeling that a lot of relationships post separation/divorce end badly and if I had to give my opinion on this here what I come up with(Again this is just an opinion...not based on fact)
What our minds and hearts remember about love and relationships often get blurred over time, we start to forget all the bad times we had and only remember the good parts the, "high points" We are predisposition to accept love and that love is good and fulfilling and it can never hurt....well sorry in my humble opinion it really does hurt and it really can be destructive to an individual and all the work you put in to feel better was in Vain.
I am not advocating that we do not enter into an emotional relationship, I simple say you need to do it when you are emotionally fit. I challenge any one reading this, if you have been in a marriage or a long term relationship and you think you are ready to have a relationship I ask this question. Are you doing it to feel a void, to regain what you lost and to have the emotional comfort you once had and are you fooling yourself into believing you are ready?
I believe a health relationship is about give and take, I feel right now using myself as an example I'm taking a lot more than I can give, so many people have said to me, "you need to make yourself better first" I take that as if I'm in my infancy of growth and just like an infant I will need to take in much more than I am capable to give and that in time I will be able meet some at an emotional level as an equal.
The last point I wanted to make is that if I were to enter a relationship now given my emotional condition and the relationship failed I would be devastated and all the work I have done to better myself; and to take a step backwards right now I honestly can say I don't think I could have the strength to rebuild again.
I truly hope everyone on this site someday finds love and happiness on equal terms.
What our minds and hearts remember about love and relationships often get blurred over time, we start to forget all the bad times we had and only remember the good parts the, "high points" We are predisposition to accept love and that love is good and fulfilling and it can never hurt....well sorry in my humble opinion it really does hurt and it really can be destructive to an individual and all the work you put in to feel better was in Vain.
I am not advocating that we do not enter into an emotional relationship, I simple say you need to do it when you are emotionally fit. I challenge any one reading this, if you have been in a marriage or a long term relationship and you think you are ready to have a relationship I ask this question. Are you doing it to feel a void, to regain what you lost and to have the emotional comfort you once had and are you fooling yourself into believing you are ready?
I believe a health relationship is about give and take, I feel right now using myself as an example I'm taking a lot more than I can give, so many people have said to me, "you need to make yourself better first" I take that as if I'm in my infancy of growth and just like an infant I will need to take in much more than I am capable to give and that in time I will be able meet some at an emotional level as an equal.
The last point I wanted to make is that if I were to enter a relationship now given my emotional condition and the relationship failed I would be devastated and all the work I have done to better myself; and to take a step backwards right now I honestly can say I don't think I could have the strength to rebuild again.
I truly hope everyone on this site someday finds love and happiness on equal terms.
It was nice to wake up in the morning and have someone text you " have a good day", to be aware that someone out there loves you, when you know you are faced with yet another day of pain, sadness and despair.
What I learned from this relationship that came suddenly and too soon ( and i think he also learned the same thing) that I am desirable, that I can be loved and that I still have energy for a good relationship (which I now have 2 + years after that day when my marriage came to abrupt end).
Whatever happens is an experience and we learn.
I am not sure about dating period. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life but I don't want to have my heart broken again either. I don't have anyone to date anyway, maybe cross that bridge when I come to it, if I ever do.
why do you feel this way??? lol
Growing up I NEVER had anyone checking up on me and I was doing whatever I wanted since I was 12. I think when you have parents that care you crave independence and when you don't you want someone to care. Grass is always greener LOL
unlike wistom, i would date myself now- because i am quite the fabulous catch- and i can handle being a hot mess when i am with me- as far as reaching out further than that- not sure. thats part of being a hot mess- i am all over the place sometimes.
and i do appreciate aronias point too- it is nice to be thought about, to know that someone cares. : ) your perspective of going to university, etc. is also well taken.
i think hurtandhealin posted it in her journal last nite or the nite before quite well- (and forgive me if i dont get it word for word) but she said that she knows in her heart that she isnt ready to date - that is her mantra- but sometimes the quiet of the house and the lonliness of it all can drown that mantra out.
xoxo xoxo xoxo
I figure it's only fair, and it's only realistic, that I will attract someone who DOES have their **** together, when I have mine together. And every day my side of the street gets cleaner, more healthy, and more beautiful.
One of these days, that last little puzzle piece, a mutually respectful and mutually nurturing relationship with a mature, emotionally stable man with integrity will have the space and opportunity to take place.
Until then, I'm more than happy to be alone, when alone means peaceful and healthy in my lil slice of the universe.
If you're just coming out of a serious breakup and/or divorce, you need some degree of time and space to get yourself and your life together, figure out who you are, what you want, work through some emotions, etc. That seems like a common sense sort of thing.
But how long that takes must vary between people and circumstances. Some people may need more time, others less.
It also depends on what sort of dating and relationship you're getting into. I'd say that there's a big difference between beginning to go out on dates for dinner and movies and doing some talking, emailing, etc, and getting into a serious, time-intensive, emotionally-consuming relationship. The former could be a great step towards healing and health, the latter could be a disaster if it happens too soon.
I am enjoying being alone and all the positives of being alone. If I trip over someone in the future that seems interesting I may change my mind. They'd have to be REALLY interesting though. Just never gonna go down any road that I've already traveled.
The biggest thing that I have learned is that I am okay with me and where I am in life. Would I like a long term relationship..of course, but not from the get go anymore! Last one, he jumped in head first which of course made me to the same...nothing but pain when it ended. I realize now that I want to date....take things nice and slow (unlike the last 2 relationships which were both very fast). I want to get to know someone...I mean really get to know them. Share things with them, do things with them. If eventually it turns long term...so be it...but if we date for 2 years, thats cool too ( no living together from the jump anymore)
Yes, it is a wonderful feeling to get that sweet text message in the middle of the day for no reason at all....
So, my answer would have to be yes, I am ready to date, but I am not ready for a committed relationship at this point.