Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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Just wondering because we are so basic in our needs and communication. Women give small hints and expect us guys to figure out what they want. Guys are far less complex and when we want something we say what we want or we just do it. We don't read into body language much and we can even communicate through grunts if necessary! LOL. Hell, when I need something I don't shop for it, I find out where it will be cheapest or the most convenient place to get it and I go in, buy it, and leave!
Communication is important in marriage. My ex claimed that she was trying to work on things for a while in the marriage and just gave up. How come I never saw her trying to work on things? How come she never came out and told me what was on her her mind?
I will freely admit that I can be a bit of a caveman. I don't get hints, don't understand subtile suggestions, and I just want to be told what is going on. I use to tell my ex all of the time just tell me what is going on, don't try and give me hints. I appreciate bluntness.
Now that I am divorced and out there looking around I am trying to learn from my mistakes in the past (I know that I have made my share of mistakes in a relationship). If I ever get into another relationship I am going to flat out tell someone to not give hints, be direct and blunt so I know what is going on and can fix or respond to the issue at hand.
Ladies, any suggestions for us cavemen?
Communication is important in marriage. My ex claimed that she was trying to work on things for a while in the marriage and just gave up. How come I never saw her trying to work on things? How come she never came out and told me what was on her her mind?
I will freely admit that I can be a bit of a caveman. I don't get hints, don't understand subtile suggestions, and I just want to be told what is going on. I use to tell my ex all of the time just tell me what is going on, don't try and give me hints. I appreciate bluntness.
Now that I am divorced and out there looking around I am trying to learn from my mistakes in the past (I know that I have made my share of mistakes in a relationship). If I ever get into another relationship I am going to flat out tell someone to not give hints, be direct and blunt so I know what is going on and can fix or respond to the issue at hand.
Ladies, any suggestions for us cavemen?
I think one of the big problems with the whole men/women communication thing is that women often want to be listened to, but the men want to jump into action and fix, rather than just sit there and listen. (And no, we don't always have a girlfriend we can call--we want YOU to understand us.) If the men did a better job of listening to the women, then the women would better be able to provide them with their beer, baseball, steak....etc."
Just spit it out already!!
The same when we remodeled the bathroom. I had him pick everything out. When I saw the pathetic mirror...I balked. Even the workmen thought it was aweful, plus it was a built in and that wasn't what my ex had told them it would be. I went out, and in an hour had found a near perfect one than almost perfectly matched the vanity.
Sure I comparison shop on the big things, and know what a good price for most groceries are, but it's a Chore. Get in, get out, get it over with.
Now I also want to comment on your need to "fix" things. I can understand that desire but sometimes there is no solution but to simply listen to them ramble.
In return, I want the same from a man. Have the courage to speak from your heart. The risk might be worth the outcome, however, even if it isn't what you wanted or expected, it feels good to be honest.
This is one of the many gifts I have received from my divorce recovery. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Then, I expected him to keep his promises, and he didn't, and I had to learn...
So I guess I was the cavewoman in the relationship.However, I get cold easily, so I need more than a loin cloth.
Am I right?
Many of the responses, just tend to emphasize the original point of the post/question!
The guys (almost without fail) say "just tell it to me straight, none of that subtle hinting stuff" and the women, well actually, I think the women here are probably more outspoken than the average, hehe, but even so - many are trying to say "no, you need to REALLY listen". The guys response then, is "and you need to REALLY say what you mean". Therein lies the crux of the matter.
No guessing games, no subtle hints, no confusion, just "clear and open communication" ... why is THAT so hard, or "wrong" to desire?