when things were unsettled and he was being unfair..i felt angry, and that was easy. now that things are settled, the anger has lifted, so now i am dealing with the sad feelings of the break up. when reality sets in it takes time to process all those feelings. i kind of liked it better being angry at him. but that's not healthy. this feeling will pass, i know. better days ahead.

Not for me. But I have faith that it will get better one day. The animosity is very much one sided. I am ready to be civil and amicable, unfortunately, it's a two way street. From friends I have who have gone through divorces or know of people who have, I've come to find out things are usually nasty in the beginning. I hear it's rather common. But, the ex's who are being nasty come around in time. Patience, faith.

Thanks for all of the different perspectives everyone. I guess I'm just in the mourning phase of the whole separation. Maybe it will be different for me and I'll never get angry. I'm actually scared to get angry and feel in a way that I don't have the right to feel that emotion in the first place.

My ex is my best friend. I still talk to him daily, and go to his house to see his parents (my parents they raised me since I was 15) we confide in each other and give each other love advice. We just got to comfortable to make our marriage work, we were like brother and sister more than lovers. Hes a great man and I hope he finds someone really special

If I have to become an Ex, I will accept that I achieved that status all on my own, without anyone's help. At that point, I will resolve to be the most supportive, helpful and selfless Ex that i can possible be. Maybe that can even be a good example to my son.

I do not have a good ex, he is very selfish and irresponsible. I rather keep the distance from him, he don't care for JT.I wanted to be friends with him, but in the long run, its just not happening for many reasons to be. I am happier the way things are now.

To me, my ex is demanding and self-centered, a very 'me' person. I don't hate her however, I wish her well and feel as though I have moved on. She and I seem to be working on things farily well,...(although it isnt' over yet!)

I know I was angry and bitter at one point.

I am not so sure that anger and/or bitterness is not required at some point as a stage of grief. Seems to me IF he was such a great guy in a decent marriage you'd have to feel bitter about losing it at some point wouldn't you?

But just because you are bitter, doesn't necessarily mean it has to get nasty.

My stbx has been good. Keep in mind that it was her decision to leave. So, as someone pointed out earlier, the one leaving usually has something a little bit better to feel about. Being on the receiving end of things might make somebody a bit more bitter, etc.

We never fought during our marriage (maybe we should have, and more things would have surfaced sooner and perhaps been resolved), so we're not likely to fight outside of the marriage. So, that might qualify her as a good ex. We split the proceed from the sale of the house, and that was it. We also split the daycare costs. From some of the descriptions I've read on DS, that might be classified as a split made in heaven, without the drag it out, nastiest of court battles we've come to associate with divorce.

We are civil to each other, which is probably best for the kids. They're young yet (6 and 8).

I do get angry at her, that's only natural. I also get angry at myself for letting it all come to this. I can't help but wonder if we had sought counselling, would it have changed anything. Would I have been a better husband, and not just a great father, provider and workd. I'll never know.

Don't get me wrong, I'm angry and bitter at some things. Her smoking, and the fact that I'm stranded (at least for the moment) here in "her" city.

I can't do anything about her smoking, that's for her to come to terms with. As for where I live (with kids in joint custody, well, only time will tell.

Hi Shari,

My husband who left is also wonderful, paid my bills over the summer ehen I wasn't working, is concerned how I'm doing, gives me hugs etc. This actually makes it a lot harder to let go. Sometimes I wish he was really nasty so I could say "what a jerk, I don't deserve this" too. I I have no anger towards him whatsoever just extreme sadness abou the loss.

Can i meet one of these good ex's----
My stbx I'm very hurt, angry, and unforgiving. maybe it will change with time

I wish I could hate my ex. I want to hate her. She is a great Mom I think but some of the things she has done to me make me really sad. Clearly she has not loved me for some time because you dont do these things to someone you love.

Shari,

I have a good STBX. Initially in all this I was very angery and bitter and full of hatred and so on. However, there were a lot of factors that that led us to this point and I think it could have been resolved had she given it time. Than being said,s he chose to move on, and she is not trying to bend me over financially so we can both move on with our lives. We do talk nearly every day. and it has gotten a lot easier. She is a great mother and a great person. But I guess our relationship changed over the years. We figure if we can end it and still be friendly with eachother it will be better for the kids.

I also have a great relationship with my stbx. I think that it was a little harder for outsiders to understand the reason for our divorce since we were so civil and kind to one another. It sometimes brought up guilty feelings about leaving, but it was truly for the best. His councelor, MY councelor and both of us agree that for the sake of the kids...and MY mental health divorce was right. No, you do not have to hate to move on. You may have periods of anger during your divorce process, but you don't have to have anger or hatred to move on.

Mine was (is) a wonderful person. That is what makes this so difficult. I am not angry with what she has done to me but I am angry with here for what she has done to our children and out grandchildren. When you love someone so much it hurts like hell on earth when they are not around. I have tried to feel anger and hate for her but I just cant.

My ex sucks. He is hateful, miserable and acts like I was the one that cheated and walked out on my family. Yes..makes being divorced from him MUCH easier.