I’m sorry to hear my deepest sympathy. I would hope that you can find activities and slowly get to a new normal. I hope you find comfort here. Hugs.

So sorry for what you are going through. I am guessing your wife needs some time. Did she say at all what she is unhappy about in the relationship.... do you know of anything that happened with you, or the both of you?

They have online therapists that you could connect to. Check your health insurance's website for Psychologists.

MendingAgain, thanks for the support.

GirlinCalif, she said that she is unhappy with everything. Unfortunately, she is the type who holds everything in for years and then bursts. I am the opposite. If I get upset about something, I express it right away and get over it. Much of what I would be upset about is my concern that her feelings for me were not nearly the same as mine for her. I probably did not handle things well. She blames me for everything. I told her that I am willing to do anything to try to fix the marriage. she is just really cold towards me no. She texts instead of talks, ignoring my calls and texts for hours or days. When she comes back to the house, I think it may be just because she knows how alone I am now and to see how I act.

I believe you can work on, and fix, the things that she is upset with you about. Now, the thing is, how to convince her.

Actions speak louder than words... and especially with us females. If there is something that you can SHOW her how you've changed, that would be something good to do right about now. I can't guess what it is for you, only you would know.... examples - take her car in for that needed checkup that it needed but you didn't get around to.... paint the hallway that you once said you would do... weed the garden like she wants it.... clear out the garage so she can put her crafts in there.... These are just examples. To show her instead of saying that you will do things. That's what women like - actions.

Again, please consider therapy. You can look on your health insurance's website. Most therapists are doing phone and video chat sessions right now. You could start today with a therapist. Or, marriage counseling for both of you?

Hang in there. Let us know how it's going. We have more ideas. Good luck.

GirlinCalf
Thank you for the suggestions, but I have been trying when she has visited. I have pleaded with her to come

home and give me a chance to show her I will change. I feel us slipping further apart each day, plus, i dont know how she can judge changes if she only visits for a few hours a couple of times a week (when I can be on my best behavior). I helped her in the garden transplanting, and have been fixing the house up since I retired in Jan. 19.. she said she needs counseling, and I suggested going also, but that got no response. I will lokely pursue such on my own to help deal with the sense of losing much of what i gained from 1979 forward. Thanks so much for your help.

Yes, I do think counseling will help you. YOU need support and a listening ear now, too. You are greatly affected by all of this.

I don't think it is over. That's just my gut feeling. I don't know what happened with you two, or if there was infidelity or something big... but a lifetime together doesn't just end in one day.

Keep trying with her. Keep working on yourself. Take care of yourself along the way. Because you need to stay strong both physically and mentally.

We're here for you.

Hello GirlinCalif

Thanks for your response. I checked with Medicare website and could not find a list of counselors whos services would be covered. Can you provide more information please?

Update on separation: My wife texted that she does not believe I can change permanently. She is seeking self-esteem counseling and wants to talk with me in the next day or two. I believe she has probably concluded that she has no feelings for me and no interested in my trying to fix the marriage and that she will tell me this.

I believe, not sure though, on the Medicare website, they are called Psychologists. Not listed as therapists or counselors. Try Psychologists.

Another good website is psychologytoday.com. Let me know if you need more help.

You can always look up Psychiatrists. Those are medical doctors. Those are definitely covered, 50% by Medicare. But they are not really "talk" doctors.

Stay in the moment. You do not know for sure what your wife is going to say. You can let her know that you are going to be starting counseling as well, and let her know that you are going to work hard on yourself and on the relationship.

Hi JeffK,
I feel bad for everything that is happening to you and this pandemic environment complicates everything. While I would certainly not discourage you from going after her, you might need to prepare a bit for the worse. I am only saying that because it is taking a toll on your health, you are lost, alone and depressed. You might need to accept that this is not what you want and you did everything but what can you do? It is hard to deal with a bottled up person because in some cases everything is too late for them. You should have done this, you should have done that, but how would you know? Please consider to take care of yourself first because if you are unravelling you will not be able to make good decisions and you might do or say something that she would say made the situation even worse. You can also try to get some counseling at a church in your area. Pastors offer counseling these days either virtual or face to face. Yes, some do even if the church holds its worship virtually. I myself get counseling from pastors and they offer a lot of sound advice and guidance. Give it a try, you have nothing to lose.

Thanks Glad2Help. The problem that is eating at me is that I did not do all I could prior to her leaving me, and I am not getting a chance to do much now.

UPDATE: I have not seen my wife in a week and feel us slipping further and further away. I received a few text messages from her, but they are mostly cold (hoping we each find the truth in our hearts). I spoke with a clinical psychologist yesterday on the phone and was greatly disappointed. She did not seem to want to listen to me - just to tell me that I can take control of my emotions by not thinking about negatives and to work on fixing things I want to fix. She said I should not permit my emotions to run me and that I could make myself stop feeling that way by not thinking of the situation. I did not understand how someone could flip a switch and stop thinking and worrying.

KeffK, you may find videos on YouTube by a channel called MarriageHelper of use. Such as, how can one work on a marriage when the partner is not willing.

I am sorry you are going through this. I feel you.

Thanks Pri

UPDATE: My wife was returning twice a week, I thought to see me, This visits went well, thought she was a little cold towards me. She ignores text messages and phone calls between visits. The visits have tapered off and she has not been back for over a week now. She says that she does not know how she feels and is seeing a psychologist for self esteem and will power. My son tells me he thinks she is doubtful that our marriage can be saved, and that I should give her space. However, I read that absence under these circumstances is not good for saving the marriage. I want to text and call her everyday, but I don't want to pester her. Any suggestions?

What happened in the marriage that she held on to for so long and then finally blew up? You said everything but what does that mean exactly? Someone doesn’t just wake up one day and get tired of everything..