lmao!

he he....50

I"m pulling blanks here......

but here to support you!! I hope you find the answers! hopefully somebody smarter than me helped you out. cuz i'm kinda lost today.

as for alcohol, is there counseling? AA?
oh maybe for the marriage you can get counseling, too. not saying that's the answer to everything, but it's maybe something you can just try.

Wow...you work 2 jobs and she wants you to help more at home...does she plan on helping more with the financial needs?

I'm sorry Rman, I wish there was something magical I could say to make it all better.

I think if she has guidelines, you should too. It has to be a compromise on both sides. I don't think she understands that.

Be careful with the drinking. Alcohol, is a depressant, it can actually make you feel worse, emotionally.

Big hugs to you {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Rman}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am waiting for your beans and I am picking my wall crawlers....*flicks boogie at Rman* trying to make you laugh a little if at all. I am trying to figure it out too. I may have to try to see a financial planner, I am in limbo and the courts are so backed up here that this shit for me is never going to be done unless we sit down and I agree to the assets. Don't know if I should hang in there and wait it out or give in....fuck that he has taken it all, he can wait.

Your wife needs to get a job...I think she is snowballing you by you not being there...what can she possibly argue with you about. I don't get it.

yeah your wife should get a job!

"What can she possibly argue with you about. I don't get it."

Most of you seem to agree that there have to be compromises on both sides, but nobody seems to be telling Rman that he should compromise on anything. I haven't been on this board very long, but I thought you wanted your marriage to work, Rman. Now she's told you what it would take to get her to stay. Seems to me she's opened negotiations. So, if you're serious about making it work, you need to be talking to her, not us.

rman - stop drinking, contact your primary care physician about the anxiety, hell, join the anxiety board here... they're good peeps.

If you don't want to do AA, try Celebrate Recovery: http://www.celebraterecovery.com/

Follow others advice on the financial stuff...

What were your wife's guidelines? Did you give her a set of guidelines?

Good luck rbaby...

I keep hearing your Kesha song on the radio now, and I think of you!!!

In Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, the basis is physiological needs (breathing, food). Next is safety which is personal security, financial security, and health and well-being. Third is love and belonging which is made up of friendship, intimacy and family. Fourth is esteem. It's the need to belong, to have self respect. "Psychological imbalances such as depression can also prevent one from obtaining self-esteem on both levels." The last need is self-actualization which is about your potential and fulfilling that potential.

Take care of your family and yourself first. Make sure you have your basic needs met. Your health is important -- so take steps to safeguard it. Then you can work on your marriage and decide if you want to meet in the middle and make it work or let go of it.

Take care of the basics and the rest will follow. It's normal to feel fear in the face of such huge life changing challenges. You're stronger than you think you are -- it's amazing what you can accomplish when have no other choice but deal with everything head on.

You do have support here, D. A lot of people care about you -- there's no mistake about that.

Giving you more hugs, Rman - i know your situation is horrible difficult and I wish I could help.

Lynne

Not really sure i can say anything that hasn't already been said. What's clear is that you need to really take care of your self..NOW! I trust you will know what is best for you and your girls Rbaby. Hugs!

Rman, some of us are still here for you. If you ever need help in private, I'm always available. What you're going through is highly stressful and if you're feeling like anxiety is getting the best of you, please talk to a doctor. I know all too well about anxiety, I have GAD and it got so serious years ago that I came really close to ended it. If you feel like you're "losing it", please get some help.

Tell her you'll help out more with the kids if she puts out. Win, win. :)

Seriously, Bmore, these are tough problems. I'm here to talk if you need someone to listen. If your wife is open to giving the marriage another try, this may be the time to evaluate if that is truly what you want....if you think she can make changes, too? Think about what the real problems are, and if they can be solved, etc.. The financial stuff is hard, too. Does she play a role in that problem? Just seems like a time to consider all the issues and make some important choices...