Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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need advice

needafriendplease
needafriendplease
hi I am new on here and need help please. I found text messages that my husband and daughter were sending to each other. they were of a sexual nature but don t think it was more than texts, although I will never know for sure. I have tried to forgive them both but find it hard to do. They both blame each other and my daughter said they were only messing about. but what if I hadn't found these texts. would it had gone further. he is in his fifties, she is 27. my daughter was on drugs which I helped her through and as far as I know she is not on them anymore. I think she saw my husband as money to help her habit but he knew the problems I was having with her and took advantage of the situation. I love them so much but where do I go from here. they now hate each other and im in the middle. at the moment I have thrown my husband out but I have done this before and then when I see him with his crying and pleading I take him back. I feel like ending my life because I cant seem to let him go even though I know I should.
needafriendplease
needafriendplease
My husband has text me today to tell me how much he loves me and a lot of how he thinks I'm beautiful and he proud of me. Then he goes on to say that he can't live without me and should anything happen to him after this text for me to know he loves me. He knows how to pull at my heart strings. I did message him back and told him that he and my daughter caused all this and not me and that if he did something silly his family would give me grief and if he loved me then he wouldn't want that. He also wanted me to give him my daughters new number so if could ring her and sort this out. My daughter has told me not to give him her number ever or tell him her new address.
Shine14
Shine14
DEFINITELY do not give him your daughters new number.
Him having her number is what started this all to begin with.
Stop responding to him, even if he knows exactly how to pull on those heartstrings. I am not saying forever, but you need time to sort this out in your own head, and you will never come to any clarity with him still getting his sticky fingers in there to jumble everything up.
Give yourself a fair chance to figure it out the right way.
needafriendplease
needafriendplease
My husband messaged me earlier to tell me where to find car keys should anything happen to him. And asked for my daughters number again. Before its to late he said. I think he is trying to scare me. He. He gone quiet now. Should I worry or not? I don't think he would kill himself. Think he trying all he can for sympathy and for me to rush to his flat and take him back. I'm fed up of this now. All his tears and messages. I'm the hurt one in this and he hasn't cared when I've cried. What shall I do ? What would you do?
Shine14
Shine14
Do not play into his game. He is trying to manipulate you - that is not love, its abuse.

People that love us dont use ultimatums and threaten harm to themselves if we dont choose according to their agenda.

Do not respond to him. Whatever he does is because of HIM, his choices, his actions. Not because of you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh boy. He's playing the suicide card, to see if that sticks. I wouldn't buy that crap for a minute.
needafriendplease
needafriendplease
Thank you shine. I feel bad for not checking he ok. But he probably is.don't you think ? I got try move on without him but he doesn't leave me alone. He convinced I'm hurting him. I think he has convinced himself that all this hasn't happened. He believes it himself. It not normal. I find myself questioning myself. He twists everything to make me think it me and he is the injured one
Shine14
Shine14
It doesnt matter if he is okay right now, because YOU are not okay right now.
Work on fixing yourself first, then worry about others. You cant help anyone while you are broken.
He is a grown man. I understand the goodness in your heart for being concerned over another, but right now, you can only be responsible for yourself.
needafriendplease
needafriendplease
I have to go to work tomorrow and I am finding doing all the normal things difficult. Hard to concentrate on anything when your all over the place.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Manipulation I'm sure has worked in the past which is why he's doing it now. If he hurts himself its because of his own guilt and mental issues he has.

Each day you wake up, take a deep breath. Going to bed early is a great thing....Get lots of rest. I go to sleep now around 9:30 instead of staying up all night making stupid decisions and texting my ex, just to get my heart/feelings hurt.

Remember this moment is about you....You need time, strength and distance...If you have an iPod, go for a walk at the times you would normally sit and worry about him or have your daily "moments". Load some great dance music on there and just walk to clear your head....You will probably feel better....I had certain times of the day where I was on my low so I filled those times with me being busy...Don't sit...Those will be your worst times.