Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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needafriendplease 09/14/2013

hi I am new on here and need help please. I found text messages that my husband and daughter were sending to each other. they were of a sexual nature but don t think it was more than texts, although I will never know for sure. I have tried to forgive them both but find it hard to do. They both blame each other and my daughter said they were only messing about. but what if I hadn't found these texts. would it had gone further. he is in his fifties, she is 27. my daughter was on drugs which I helped her through and as far as I know she is not on them anymore. I think she saw my husband as money to help her habit but he knew the problems I was having with her and took advantage of the situation. I love them so much but where do I go from here. they now hate each other and im in the middle. at the moment I have thrown my husband out but I have done this before and then when I see him with his crying and pleading I take him back. I feel like ending my life because I cant seem to let him go even though I know I should.

stillbitterjaded 09/17/2013

Is she 27 or 28?

Everyone jump on me.

Not buying this, reads like a bad lifetime movie.

deleted_user 09/17/2013

Why do you think its so hard to let him go? When you know that he took advantage of your daughters situation? When you caught him asking her to meet him? When he is a spineless wuss about manning up to what hes done wrong? Have you read any books on Codependancy? I would recommend that. You are willing to sacrifice your own will to live, just so hes not sad. No way honey. U are way too valuable for that. I don't care if he cries a river, boo hoo, no way baby. You have to have the balls he doesn't, and be able to fight for yourself. Protect yourself, and surround yourself with people who truly love and support you and want the best for you. That is SO important. If you try to do it alone, chances are you will cave and fail, and then feel like crap. DONT DO IT. Trust me, its not worth it. And he doesn't love you. Not the way he should. Sorry doesn't fix it. And hes not really sorry, he doesn't even think he did anything wrong.

needafriendplease 09/18/2013

Thank you blondie I know all you say is so right. I am also on the family issues page. Trying get as much help and advice as I can. I will have a look at the co dependency that you say about. He has such a hold over me. I feel like his property.

deleted_user 09/19/2013

You are not his property, but I totally understand how our feelings don't match up with our logic. Even though you know your not, you FEEL like you are. Ok, you might laugh, but you know what came to mind? Remember in Dirty Dancing, when he said, "Nobody puts baby in the corner"? That's what you need to say about yourself. Im here to help support and love you any way I can, but a big part of the battle will be fought by you. Gird up those loins girl, bc YOU are worth fighting for. Hiya! So is your daughter, even if she makes wrong choices, lies, is irresponsible, she needs to see you stand up for yourself and value yourself. Maybe you will inspire her to respect herself so men wont use her, if not, that's her choice and not yours. Giving you strength and faith and love and support. You can do it, and you are worth it. Think of yourself as L'Oreal, "Because your worth it". :D

needafriendplease 09/19/2013

Thank you blondie. Today he text and said that we should all meet and talk. Me. Him and my daughter. He now recons that she sent those texts through a computer to her phone using his number so that it would look like he sent them. I think that cannot be done. Then he kept texting saying how ill this is making him. And that we were forced apart. What do you think of that one ?

deleted_user 09/19/2013

I think he's full of crap and is trying any and all ways to get you to get back in line. I think you need to believe your daughter. You have your proof. Don't let him get you to unsee what you've seen. Stop taking his calls/texts. Block him if you have to. He's messing with your head, and this meeting is just another way of trying to control you.

needafriendplease 09/19/2013

yes I think that to. even if it was possible , there are so many things that show he is lying , plus all what I know is proof. He will try anything by look of it. He messes with my head as you say

patti22 09/20/2013

I understand wanting him back...seeing the good in him and all of that.

BUT it would be the worst thing ever for everyone....especially HIM. Once someone crosses that line....there is no way back....but he can move forward and onto a hopefully more respectful life. He can make amends by making the transition smooth....or he can be a jerk (I'm putting it kindly) and make the separation and divorce difficult.

If you don't have your head together, which is totally understandable.....please get counseling. You're not going to be much help to anyone if you're totally messed up yourself.

deleted_user 09/20/2013

Is your daughter HIS daughter by blood and DNA and stuff?

Sorry, I get caught up in details.

However, it's the difference between incest, and someone who just wants to bang a younger girl, and just so happen to be married to their mom.

needafriendplease 09/20/2013

She is his step daughter. Not blood

needafriendplease 09/20/2013

I'm not doing well tonight. Weekend the worse. Alone. How do you cope. I need strength to get through this. He turned up earlier and started crying. Saying that my children don't want us together. Why can't he see this is his fault. He blames everyone else. His family would side with him if anyway. They telling him they upset because he hurt. They think it's me and my daughter causing trouble. Not a chance. All I ever wanted was a husband that would love and cherish only me. I'm the hurt one in this

deleted_user 09/20/2013

If he's truly sorry he'll go get some help for himself in the form of counseling. It's not like your daughter set him up - you found those texts, they weren't shown to you by your daughter. He got caught and is trying to blame it on your daughter because she's having issues so it's an easy sell. You have proof. Have you discussed this with your daughter? Did she give you any details?

needafriendplease 09/20/2013

My daughter is a recovering drug addict. She is very thin and don't eat unless I buy her food. I don't know what she does with her money. She is on benefits and always says her money hasn't come. I won't give her money but I buy her food. She always asks me for money. I worry about her all the time. Her phone has been off all week but she does this all the time. Then turns up when she wants feeding. I am on antidepressants as I worry over her so much. I can't handle when she disappears. When I question her about the texts she blames him. Says he came after her and she was trying to end it. I know she tells lies but I saw these text messages myself.

deleted_user 09/20/2013

Well that's a very telling thing. You had to confront her about it - she didn't come to you with them. If she wanted to break you two up she would have come to you with them. But you found them on your own. You have your proof.

needafriendplease 09/20/2013

Yes I do. She is my baby and cannot ever be replaced. A man can be. But I don't want another man. I want my daughter to get well. She keeps disappearing and even her boyfriend who is an ex addict to don't know where she goes. If messages me. When I ask her where she goes she says she stays with a friend because she argued with the boyfriend. I think she still taking stuff. If I ask her she says no.

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