Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My ex and I had the most toxic relationship. It was actually more on an obsession on my part then really even love. I spend a majority of our relationship terrified I would loose him because he always made me feel like a second option in life. He never made me feel I was worth very much. Somehow I began to think that if he left I could never ever be happy. Anything he said, I did. Anytime he wanted to see me I dropped everything and went. Everything was always on his terms. He treated me however he wanted to based on how he was feeling. I got to a point where I stopped having a voice or opinions at all. I feared losing him so much that I learned to be exactly who it was he wanted.
After a lot of therapy , tons of inner soul searching and spending countless hours telling myself I was better then this I stopped begging him to give things with us another chance. I learned to just let go. as painful as it was in my heart I felt like I was sinking into the deepest hole trying to fix things with a person who didn't respect me.
A month ago out of the blue I met someone wonderful. Someone who appreciates everything about me. My flaws my imperfections. He is literally everything I dreamed my ex would be. As cautious as I am I decided to give things a try. As I became more used to the idea of possibly finding happiness again my ex happens to come back into my life. He told me knowing I was with someone else made him realize he wanted to work things out. He arranged for us to get together to figure things out. After a lot of thinking I decided that I couldn't ever go back to that place again. There was a point where he made me not want to live in this world anymore. I lost everything being with him. I became literally a shell of a person. Something in me found the strength to tell him that I cant undo the work I have done on myself by going back to where I was.
I am feeling many things right now. I wonder if I made the right choice. if it was possible for him to change and maybe I gave up too fast. Then another part of me says for the first time in my entire life I chose myself first. I decided I mattered and that I was more then what he made me feel. I keep going between guilt and sadness and then reassurance I did the right thing. If I did do the right thing why do I feel so miserable. Maybe he had a hold over me that was so strong that I may never totally be free from him in my mind. I feel very lost today and could use some kind words. take care everyone thank you for reading
After a lot of therapy , tons of inner soul searching and spending countless hours telling myself I was better then this I stopped begging him to give things with us another chance. I learned to just let go. as painful as it was in my heart I felt like I was sinking into the deepest hole trying to fix things with a person who didn't respect me.
A month ago out of the blue I met someone wonderful. Someone who appreciates everything about me. My flaws my imperfections. He is literally everything I dreamed my ex would be. As cautious as I am I decided to give things a try. As I became more used to the idea of possibly finding happiness again my ex happens to come back into my life. He told me knowing I was with someone else made him realize he wanted to work things out. He arranged for us to get together to figure things out. After a lot of thinking I decided that I couldn't ever go back to that place again. There was a point where he made me not want to live in this world anymore. I lost everything being with him. I became literally a shell of a person. Something in me found the strength to tell him that I cant undo the work I have done on myself by going back to where I was.
I am feeling many things right now. I wonder if I made the right choice. if it was possible for him to change and maybe I gave up too fast. Then another part of me says for the first time in my entire life I chose myself first. I decided I mattered and that I was more then what he made me feel. I keep going between guilt and sadness and then reassurance I did the right thing. If I did do the right thing why do I feel so miserable. Maybe he had a hold over me that was so strong that I may never totally be free from him in my mind. I feel very lost today and could use some kind words. take care everyone thank you for reading
It sounds to me that you are on the right track to happiness with a new person that treats you with the respect and kindness you deserve. The past is in the past and needs to stay there. You said your relationship was toxic. Since you have already realized that, please, for your own well being, don't look back! Lots of hugs and positive thoughts headed your way!
I'm so glad you found someone new who is valuing you as you deserve. Just tread carefully. It is easy to fall into a new relationship when someone makes you feel good and to overlook problems and red flags in the process. I would say just go slowly and use what you've learned from your prior relationship to try to make the new one more healthy. Maintain your own individual personality, feelings, needs. Remember not to lose yourself, and remember to insist to be treated with respect. I would be open and honest with the new person and expect the same in return.
Don't waste another minute being guilty or sad about turning your back on your (perhaps borderline abusive) ex! It's time for you to move forward. Good luck!
Please do not question your decision to move on and meet a healthy person that treats you with love and respect. If you have to, make a list of all the awful things the ex did to remind you how lucky you are that you met someone that WILL NOT do those things.
Stay strong - we are behind you.
You ARE worth it.
you were & are the person capable of change, you came to change your see yourself as you are, a person of worth
your old boyfriend will only try to beat you down and take your worth from you as he did before
i'm glad for you that you sense that
We lived a similar situation and when I left....I too doubted a few times. However, the longer I stayed away and started feeling better, the weaker the feelings to return diminished.....so much so that 6 years post divorce......I would NEVER go back. For once in my life, I am being selfish by taking my life back. I feel my ex had his chance....27 years to be exact and he blew it! Oh, sure....abusers always try to suck us back in....they are lazy and have us trained....it would require too much time and work on their part to train another sucker.
My door to another 100000 chances is closed, locked, bolted, nailed.......and any other barrier known to man has that door permanently sealed shut!!!
I love feeling better and having a better life. I have not found anyone else. I love the peace and quiet. I love my own space....heck......above all I love and respect myself as it should be. I think I'm the one....lol :P
Stand strong....I assure you the feelings of guilt will dissipate with time....and perhaps talking with a therapist. Guilt is such an ugly ordeal.....no need for guilt....it does you no good.
Wishing you the best.
Just the fact that he admits to you right up front "the thought of you being w someone else makes me want you back" says a lot: I have a toddler, he has toys he doesn't play with, but if his cousin even looks at one of them, he goes ballistic and wants it just because she is showing an interest. That is NOT what a healthy relationship is based on. This is a cheesy line from the TV show "Friends," but it is so true: "you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you." It's true. He already had you and didn't treat you right, didn't appreciate you, etc. He had his chance. If he's anything like my ex, he WANTS you to feel guilty about choosing your own mental health over giving him another chance. You have no reason to feel guilty, so don't buy into this. Stay strong.
I caught mine sexting with a woman 3 months into our relationship. I kicked him out. He begged and begged and made promises. I was scared that he would take it as a free pass to do as he pleased if I took him back....
I took him back, we even got married,but if you read my story, I should've done what you did.
Stay strong and best of luck