I know its a hard choice but good for you for making the decision and moving forward. I myself went back and fourth so know the feeling and when i think back wonder how i put up with all this crap for so long:( i also have kids but not grown so its a battle but the peace i have and control for my life is priceless..
Just keep moving forward.

I just rent and i like that aspect so i can move
on and out when and If i am ready.

I feel your pain and read some Of your back story,
I have been thru a lot of the same stuff with my
Dry A husband.

My marriage started going really bad in 2003 and
It never got better he just got meaner. I did not really
Understand, i am better now after doing alanon for
Awhile plus my other support groups and therapist.

Sending you a big hug

(((((( barnmaidbren))))

Hi! I am in pretty much the same boat. I have been married 23 years, our daughter is in college and it's been a very abusive marriage. He served me with the papers himself on Mother's Day. Right now, I'm doing my best to figure things out. I am in therapy, which is helping, reading as much as I can about divorce and frequenting this board, which is an absolute godsend! I have no idea where I'm going to end up living. Wish I did because that's about 50% of my worry ... that and health insurance. I'm trying to take it one day at a time though. I've got a fantastic support system so I'm confident I'll be okay eventually. :-)

Good for you. I know that when it finally hit me that our oldest was heading off to college in the fall, and the second child 2 years later, I was devastated thinking I'd have to live the rest of my life with a man who treats me as nothing short of invisible. It's a hard journey with teens still at home, but I'd couldn't hold out for another 2 years. I'm finding so many women finally leaving marriages after 20+years of a bad marriage. Why does it take us all so long? The why doesn't matter as much as the fact that we are getting out of a bad situation. Yay for us!! Be sad for how you were treated, the love or dreams that never materialized as you had hoped, but be ever so happy for the new, healing, freeing life in your future. It can happen, it will happen for you!

Why? Because you're a good mother! You've raised your nest, and you're free now. You'll always be a parent, but you don't have to be his wife anymore. Go find your happy place!

Nice sentiment Lamar..."You'll always be a parent, but you don't have to be his wife anymore."

Perfect summation!!!

I am not sure if you have voiced this to him (leaving), if not then you may want to get your plans together before you start to let him in to what you are thinking about doing.

Of course, I am one to say, try to work it out. Talk to each other before walking away. Check in with some counseling, etc. Do what you can to work it out together before walking away. Its fair to let the other person know you are not happy and also fair to give the other person a chance to correct any behavior that is contributing to the souring of the marriage and in return work towards being a better person for the marriage and life. If they want that is.

So make sure to let him know you are unhappy so he doesn't act blind sided and hateful. If that does not change his behavior towards you, then prepare and plan for what you are now stating you want. Peace and freedom from an abusive spouse.

Welcome to the group

I don't think you owe him anything in terms of trying to work it out at this point if it's as bad as you say it is. Sounds to me like you've put up with a lot of cr@p for a long time. Sounds like it's time for you to take care of you.. Bless you and many hugs..