can you seek therapy to help you or a start? I am depressed too and am about to start therapy to help me deal with some stuff. I am sorry you are depressed its not easy to deal with. For now if you have friends you can vent too would help or journal. I have a personal blog where I write alot of my feelings then journal on here as well.

Oh, sandy, I know how difficult this must have been for you to put this out here, looking for some advice, so I know you must be having a difficult day. I am on my way out the door to work right now, and don't really know what to say, but wanted you to know I saw this and that it's OK to feel the way you feel - but if it is severe depression, you simply must get some help. Posting here is a good start, reaching out for help is a good thing!

Anne, you are a love. Thanks guys. I'm going to start the search for a therapist tomorrow.

hugs, Sandysan.

Jaken thanks. Thing that scares me the most is that I have no reason to be. I'm most scared of that fact.

Love and hugs your way! Don't be afraid to make a couple appointments with different counselors to find the right one. I went through sever depression when my world fell apart from unwanted divorce, five months have gone by and I still don't feel right--knowing that you were lied to and cheated on---something you truely believed your spouse would never do...it take it's toll on the ones left behind with the broken hearts...trust me, I was never prone to depression, and now it is a daily battle---If you feel underwater, please get help right away---I let the self blame torture me and go on way to long and it almost killed me! Always know that there is family and friends who love and care for you and that we here also care wish to see you back on the happy trail of life...(let me know when you find that trail too, I'm still searching myself!) :)

I'm kinda going through a similar stage. I think we went through similar experiences so I'll talk about my experience and you can take what applies to you. At first, when the shit went down, I was so busy dealing with the aftermath. Basic survival, intense grief and pain. Then, it was putting one foot in front of the other, setting goals, going through the actual legal proceedings- still grieving, but a little stronger. Then I started to achieve some of the goals, no longer own what my ex put off on me (stopped believing his negative voice in my head). And then, and then, and then....now what? I've put in a lot of work on me and I'm left not quite knowing where to go from here. I'm mostly healed (still a work in progress) but still a little scared to step forward into the unknown. I'm a little too detached to enjoy much of anything, but don't often feel the depths of despair either. Ambivalence.

I don';t know if that's the right sort of timeline for you, but it's where I'm at. I'm starting to date again soon, and don't expect anyone to be my everything. But I'm hoping it will help me shake this feeling of ambivalence.

Either way, hugs to you, it's a damned long process isn't it?

it might be S.A.D. or as simple as vit D deficiency

I don't know where you live, but most North Americans become vit D deficient during the dark winter months because we get so little sunshine

besides, your body needs it anyway, it doesn't hurt to take it, helps reduce risk of ALL KINDS of diseases

I triple my dosage from October to April