Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I've been on DS for a while, but this is my first post in Breakups and Divorce. I have to say, I never ever wanted to be welcomed to this group. Because it will make me feel a bit better I am going to relate my story...
About a year ago I found out my wife had an emotional affair with another man that involved online chats, webcams, and (use your imagination). I had been working a hundred + hours a week, and by the time I found out what damage it had done to my marriage the affair had gone on for 9 months. It ended shortly before I found out, but I took it incredibly hard. My entire life I had been abused and abandoned (sometimes to life-threatening degrees) and carry a lot of scars, but I always loved my wife and until I found out about the affair, she is the only person I have ever trusted.
I suffer from depression and PTSD due to long-term sustained physical and emotional abuse, and so when I found out about the affair my life came apart. I was suicidal and at one point found myself sitting on the floor with a gun in one hand and a loaded clip in the other. I sought help and have spent almost a year in therapy and with psychiatrists tackling my own demons.
Throughout all of this, despite my pain, I wanted my marriage to work. I did my best, and screwed up a lot by being angry and mistrustful. Having an anxiety disorder like PTSD has a bad habit of causing paranoia (that the affair was continuing, or that she had not been honest about the whole thing).
After a particularly bad argument, things changed. She decided she wanted her own phone on her own plan, her own private bank account, her own private laptop. She started working late every night (her boss truly is a psycho) and while I believe it was legit, it just added to my pain and fear. My trust had already been shattered, and there was no way that I could help but feeling that she was hiding something again. She was (and is) unwilling to budge... She wants her private life apart from me, and after the affair, there is just no way for me to rebuild trust under those circumstances. Finally, she told me she couldn't take it anymore and that she wanted a divorce.
I moved out a week ago, and we have still been seeing each other. I kept hoping she would change her mind and decide to be open so we could some day rebuild trust. I know it doesn't happen overnight... I tried to explain that to her that one day I wouldn't worry that she was talking to someone else again... She told me that it wasn't enough... that she wouldn't change her mind... that she needed trust now. I knew then that it would never work.
Tonight I made the decision to stop seeing her. I can't take seeing what I have always wanted (and had, and lost) knowing that I can never have it again. I'm turning to the only thing I have left, and that is DS.
Sorry for the long rant. I just needed someone to hear my story (even if no one reads it). I don't know where to go from here... I have few friends and little self esteem. I don't know what to say or do. I guess I will have to learn.
About a year ago I found out my wife had an emotional affair with another man that involved online chats, webcams, and (use your imagination). I had been working a hundred + hours a week, and by the time I found out what damage it had done to my marriage the affair had gone on for 9 months. It ended shortly before I found out, but I took it incredibly hard. My entire life I had been abused and abandoned (sometimes to life-threatening degrees) and carry a lot of scars, but I always loved my wife and until I found out about the affair, she is the only person I have ever trusted.
I suffer from depression and PTSD due to long-term sustained physical and emotional abuse, and so when I found out about the affair my life came apart. I was suicidal and at one point found myself sitting on the floor with a gun in one hand and a loaded clip in the other. I sought help and have spent almost a year in therapy and with psychiatrists tackling my own demons.
Throughout all of this, despite my pain, I wanted my marriage to work. I did my best, and screwed up a lot by being angry and mistrustful. Having an anxiety disorder like PTSD has a bad habit of causing paranoia (that the affair was continuing, or that she had not been honest about the whole thing).
After a particularly bad argument, things changed. She decided she wanted her own phone on her own plan, her own private bank account, her own private laptop. She started working late every night (her boss truly is a psycho) and while I believe it was legit, it just added to my pain and fear. My trust had already been shattered, and there was no way that I could help but feeling that she was hiding something again. She was (and is) unwilling to budge... She wants her private life apart from me, and after the affair, there is just no way for me to rebuild trust under those circumstances. Finally, she told me she couldn't take it anymore and that she wanted a divorce.
I moved out a week ago, and we have still been seeing each other. I kept hoping she would change her mind and decide to be open so we could some day rebuild trust. I know it doesn't happen overnight... I tried to explain that to her that one day I wouldn't worry that she was talking to someone else again... She told me that it wasn't enough... that she wouldn't change her mind... that she needed trust now. I knew then that it would never work.
Tonight I made the decision to stop seeing her. I can't take seeing what I have always wanted (and had, and lost) knowing that I can never have it again. I'm turning to the only thing I have left, and that is DS.
Sorry for the long rant. I just needed someone to hear my story (even if no one reads it). I don't know where to go from here... I have few friends and little self esteem. I don't know what to say or do. I guess I will have to learn.
I'm glad you are in therapy and have made the decision to have no contact with her. This will help you move on.
Keep talking to us here--we understand.
(((hugs))))))
I think it is a big step, and that it takes a lot of courage to decide to quit talking to her. I need to do the same probably.
Welcome to DS were glad you found us but sorry you have to be here. What follows is some information that I have compiled for new people. I hope you find something in it to help you:
Some information from Kimmeee: (one of community leaders)
Privacy features.
Go to my account on the left side of the screen below your profile. You will see provisions for changing your privacy and who sees what you post.
You may pick friends only and only friends will see this or you may pick Ds members only. That mean anyone that has a ds membership will be able to view your profile and see your hugs. If you choose everyone, people will be able to google you and see what you have written.
If you use the journal feature you may want to make them friends only.
If you want to chat with anyone, you can do this but you may get many requests from Ghana asking for money. Just end the chat, and report it to us. Report any inappropriate sexual overtones in a PM or chat to us with the member name or to the admins using the abuse link.
You may Set to friends only and this will cut down on who can contact you.
The Community leaders for this group or CL's are
ChiTownBear, Chrurop, and myself. We can answer general questions and we help to limit trolls.
If you receive a Private message or PM that says something to the effect of I saw your profile and I really like what I see, they send you an email to contact them. Please forward that to one of the CL so that we can ban that member.
If you have anyone show abusive behavior toward you in a pm you may use the report abuse button at the bottom of each post and report them to the admins.
If you have general questions about the Rules of the Road or The Terms of Service, that is here.
http://www.dailystrength.org/help/faq
This is a manual for newcomers. It has tried and true ideas from all of us that have had to walk this new path.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
From Patti:
I started to write this in reply to someone else but decided to make it it's own post.
Wake up. Force yourself to get dressed.
Reward yourself with a cup of coffee or tea. This is a big accomplishment. (Thus the silly posts on here debating which is better.)
Then force yourself to keep your mind on something else. This is VERY hard. (Thus all of the silly OT topics which are really much much more ON topic than some people realize.)
Reach out for support....Everywhere. It will probably hit you hard when some of the people that you thought would be supportive won't be. And some of the thoughtless comments will have the power to send you into a dark hole. So come on here and tell us all about them. Chances are someone's heard the same thing, or worse, and can help you throught them.
It will also surprise you the people who will be supportive. I lost a ton of weight, and while buying some clothes, the cashier sympathized and remembered going through the same thing.
Talk, talk, and talk. Talk it to death if you have to.
And also come on here where we understand that sometimes you want to talk about anything Except what's going on. (Thus all of the Other OT topics, that really aren't OT at all.)
Some of us got hurt badly by abuse, some by infedelity, some dealt with alcohol/drugs, and some are going back to work for the first time in years and years. And a lot of us go through issues with our kids.
Take a chance and post. The OT stuff gets tons of responses because so many of us are trying NOT to think about it all, but don't let that fool you. This is a divorce and breakup site. We're all in different stages of it.
Hugs. And sorry that you're here.
From Nannylisa:
10 Things You Can Do to Cheer Yourself Up
Whether you have the winter blues, you're suffering from a disappointment, or you're just feeling a little down, we all have times when we could use a little lift. Here are 10 ideas to get you back on the upswing.
1. Plan Some Fun. Get out your calendar. Next do a search for things to do in your area. Local newspapers usually have a "What's Going On" section. Pick out your favorite 5 or 10 things. And remember the things you choose don't have to be big events. It can be as simple as taking a long drive in the country or going for a walk on the beach. Write them into your calendar. Invite someone to join you on some. For others go and meet some new people.
2. Express Your Creativity. Do some painting. Decorate your house with flowers. Do a paper mache project. Pick up that guitar, practice and write a song. Practice juggling. Make a funny photo album with all those old photos you've got in boxes by adding quirky caption above each picture. Learn how to play the harmonica. Write and illustrate a mini book or comic book. Maybe pick your favorite movie get a friend to act out one of the scenes with you while you videotape it. It doesn't have to be good. Just doing these things will make you feel good. And if you keep doing them you'll naturally get better.
3. Get Outside. Fresh air does wonders for your body and spirit. If you can go to a park or a place in nature, even better. Here are some things you could do: go for a walk, fly a kite, plant some vegetables or flowers, roller skate, ride a bike, or go on a 'treasure hunt" to find things for an art project.
4. Let Music Take You Higher. Turn on your favorite music and sing! Pull down the shades and dance. Rent a video on belly dancing. If you're in your car, you can still move a little to the music. Go for it! What do you care what other people think? Have fun with it! Sing, dance, play an instrument. Practice your favorite song and then go to karaoke and let the world hear your talent!
5. Walk a Dog. If you don't have your own dog, offer to walk a neighbor's dog. Or even better yet, sign up at the local MSPCA to walk the pooches who have no one to love them. What a nice way to make a difference!
6. Volunteer. There are so many ways to help others. Here are a few ideas.
* Feed people. Volunteer at a food kitchen or make your own homemade batch of food and share it with people who could use it: shut-ins, elderly, new mothers, someone who is works too much, etc.
* Help People: volunteer with the Salvation Army, the Red Cross, or Meels on Wheels.
* Mentor. Check out Big Brother/Big Sister, Mentoring.org, or SCORE(mentoring small business start-ups).
7. A Change Will Do You Good. Get some order in your house. Change your furniture around. Change your decorations, or maybe go minimalist for a change. Clear out the clutter. It doesn't matter where you start. Just pick a place in your home that's been bugging you and attack it! Then sell, throw, or give away stuff you don't need. You'll feel great afterward and you'll have made a dent in making your living space more peaceful. And maybe it will give you inspiration to tackle another area tomorrow.
8. Plan a Party. There doesn't need to be a good reason other than it's time for some fun. Start with a small idea and build around it. Maybe you can get inspired by a theme, certain foods, or your favorite music to get the ball rolling. Then think about who you would like to invite. When and where will you have it? Will you cook, hire caterers, or make it pot luck? A meal or finger foods? Will there be dancing, contests, games, or other fun stuff like costumes? Maybe it will be low key with some jazz music, wine and cheese. Or maybe it will be a Hawaiian luau. Or maybe if you have a lot of singe friends you can have a white elephant party. Call a friend for help with the logistics.
9. Personal Spa and Relaxation Day. Include as many of these ideas as you like or have time for. Get a massage, pedicure, and haircut. Take a bubble bath with candles, music and champagne. Give yourself an egg-white or mud mask facial. Line up 2-3 movies to watch in bed while eating your favorite delights: ice cream, chocolate, whip cream, jello, popcorn, finger food hors d'oeuvre, and more. What else would you include to pamper yourself?
10. Reach Out. Connect with friends and family. When was the last time you wrote and mailed an actual letter? Why not do it today? Or how about making some home made post cards with materials you have lying around the house. Cutout some pictures from magazines or from your photo collection and make a mini collage. Maybe just call one old friend from college or high school that you haven't talked to in forever. Or maybe you could visit a neighbor who might need some cheering up too! Bring some cookies!
From TD:
Be wary of who you give your personal information to. I personally have 3 email accounts. One for stuff I sign up for on the web (like DS), one for work, and a personal.
There are, and will continue to be jackasses on DS that will attempt to be "friendly" at first, and then attempt to evolve a relationship to an unwanted sexual relationship.
Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of consensual relationships that exist here, and that's fine, it happens.
Just be aware, people know who you are, and it will not take long for the majority of the board to find out.
I am also aware that misunderstandings occur, and I could be wrong, if that's the case, I would expect not to hear anything more about this.
However, if it happens again, you'll be reported, outed, and banned from the site, plain and simple.
From me:
One of our newer members posted wondering what a few terms meant so let me try to help:
Nabbing - just a little game - on non-serious threads some of us try to get the next round number like 20 or 30. Sometimes, on a thread that veered into six, someone may try for 69 - it's just how we feel.
Trolls - these are people who invade DS and don't really have a serious issue - it's hard to tell for new people but here are some general guidelines:
a) They have recently joined DS
b) no hugs, friends, photos, other groups
c) repetitious posts with the same hardluck story (ie, David yesterday)
d) for women, typically really huge breasts in their picture; guys are usually impossibly handsome
e) you will see some of the longtimers (ALC, Kimmeee, Frank,
Veech, and others) jump on the person
Banning - the person is deleted from DS and can't post anymore
Ignoring - there is a feature on a person's profile that allows you to ignore that person. That means that you will not see that person's posts.
A lurker is someone who is behind the scenes - he/she reads the threads and posts but never or seldom does any.
STBX= Soon to be ex
fucktard - well that one's easy, same as sbtx
OP - I've seen OP stand for "Other Person" when used in the context of a marital affair or "Original Poster" when used in the context of a message board thread.
MIL - Mother in Law
BIL - Brother in Law
SIL- Sister in Law
OW- other woman
OM - other man
PTSD - post traumatic stress disorder
And from our wonderful Z:
Welcome to DS. I'm sorry for your pain. We know that drill all too well and it is so sad to see someone going through this hurt. Here are the links that a fellow DS member, PGamble, put together. We all care. It's time roll up your sleeves and start taking those necessary steps before we MARCH MARCH MARCH. Do your part and we will walk beside you and you should seek counseling in addition to your daily strength. Godspeed.
http://dailystrength.org/c/Breakup...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://dailystrength.org/help/cris...
http://www.hud.gov/homeless/index.cfm
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
My own:
I've been practicing family law for 34 years. I've seen many complaints (legitimate ones) about attorneys on this site and I thought this might be helpful in looking for or at an attorney.
l. Check him or her out. Go on line and look for the disciplinary section of your state bar site. See if there are any complaints. Check with Martindale-Hubble to see how your lawyer is ranked. Check with your friends, employment department (yes, I get a lot of referrals from them) ministers, and any social groups.
Some rankings - AAML (American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers - top attorneys in each state and many countries. Check their on-line directory for names.
Certified specialist - many states have a specialization program - some have a family law specialization (California does). You have to take a test and pass, have a certain amount of experience in family law (5 years) and you have to take family law courses annually. Each state has its own accrediting standards so check it out.
2. Be clear about your goals and upfront with your attorney. If you don't want to pay support, tell him or her so that attorney can give you a reality check. Never, ever lie to your attorney (I've dumped clients for that). If your attorney asks you for information or documents, get them to him or her immediately. You don't want to be billed for nagging.
3.Billing, you are entitled to an itemized bill as well as a written fee agreement that spells out what and how you will be charged. I bill in increments of six minutes. If the attorney does not break down fees and costs, tell him/her you want to see an itemized billing. If you are unhappy with your attorney you have the right to get a different one and take your attorney to fee arbitration through your state or county bar.
4. Retainers - most attorneys charge a retainer. There are "true" retainers (non-refundable) and refundable retainers. Know what you are signing up for. And remember, the retainer is seldom the total fee. At the beginning, the attorney has no way of gauging what he or she is getting into and your fees may exceed the retainer by a quantum factor, especially if you and your spouse can't agree on the time of day.
5. What your attorney owes you - loyalty, prompt responses, regular progress reports, answers to your questions, being on time for appointments and court hearings. He/she owes you respect - you are paying him or her, after all. In my office, after every court hearing, I give the client a report and analysis. I also give copies of anything that comes in or goes out of the office. If it is a huge stack, the client is given the option of reviewing it and deciding what he/she wants. I also forward to the client emails that I receive from experts, the other side, or anyone associated with their case. The client also gets copies of anything that is filed with the court.
Another option is using some of the free or low cost services available to you. Websites - most counties, including mine, have websites with some information, but not the type you want. Most, if not all counties, have a Lawyer Referral Service where you can get a cheap consult with someone who knows family law. Other resources include the court facilitator (I think they have one in every county). This is someone who works for the court but helps with the paperwork. Some counties have court-run legal clinics which again are a free service.
If you ever have questions about lawyers or the court system, I'm glad to answer them without any charge. Please remember I practice only in California so I well might tell you to contact an attorney where you live.
As the lawyer in the house, let me give you a few ideas.
Separation - there are two things to consider - a defacto separation (we don't live together) and a legal separation where you file legal proceedings. Defacto is no protection other than not having to see their face, legal separation in many states mean automatic restraining orders kick in. in California, the restraining orders preclude transferring, encumbering, hypothecating (getting loans against) or otherwise eating up community or separate funds, it precludes a spouse from changing medical, life or car insurance and both parties from taking children out of state. They are called "automatic" because they go into effect immediately when the legal separation or divorce is filed.
There are no rules on who goes or stays - unless a court order evicts one party.
Starting your own bank account makes a lot of sense - then you have control over your own money. If you haven't done it yet, take one-half the joint funds as long as no action has been filed yet.
Some people are confused about the difference between a legal separation and a divorce. Basically, they are the same proceeding. With a legal separation, you are still married. With a divorce you are not. The only advantages to a legal separation are that with it, you may be able to stay on your spouse's medical insurance longer and, since the last time I checked, Social Security requires a l0 year marriage which time frame runs until you are divorced, a legal separation can help you build the l0 years.
This is probably more information that you wanted, but I hope it helps you. Please consult with an attorney where you live to find out the laws in your state.
Lynne
(((HUGS to poster)))). Be well.
My stbx has PTSD from a MVA we were in in 2004. She has been in treatment since then, but I haven't noticed much of a change, and she is convinced that the world is wrong and she is right. In the beginning, I felt like I was hit by a bus, and that the world as I knew it was crumbling down around me. Everyone kept telling me to hang in there and it would get better. I would suggest that you take this time and focus on you. From reading your post you have been through a lot. I also thought about ending it all a couple of times, but my 6 year old daughter would be the one who would have suffered.
http://dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/2816539-manual
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358621-stages
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358615-loveless
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358611-7steps
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358596-no-contact
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358587-forgiveness
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358584-loving-yourself
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358575-loneliness
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358567-pastas-posted
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/Off-Topic-Posts/6358554-drama
http://dailystrength.org/help/crisis-resources
http://www.hud.gov/homeless/index.cfm
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/6969338-your-message
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/7880220-break-up-survival-guide/lastpage
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/8291684-survivors-bill-rights/lastpage
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/8686330-101-little-instructions-surviving/lastpage
Here is another contribution from a beloved member that will be leaving us...Zen11...we will miss her and we thank her for so much and of course, for her parting words that she allowed me to share with you:
I have watched many come and go...and come and go again. I have read too many "good-bye cruel DS world" threads, not that there's anything wrong with that. Its just not my thing. As much as I would like to acknowledge some wonderful people publicly, I'll just keep this here and hope that some find this with sweet serendipity.
I'm certainly one who likes to give her opinion and advice, so it really was difficult to end my thread addiction. So here is my final advice (yeah, gotta have the last freakin word):
On online support group etiquette:
1. don't be an ass. I could write a dissertation on this topic alone. I will spare you.
2. yes, there is a difference between a 20 y.o.'s 2 month relationship blowing up and a 40 y.o.'s 15 year marriage tanking, but pain is pain. Have some compassion for pete's sake. Refer to #1 before responding.
3. number nabbing is a serious sport. it is not for the weak or those with dial up connections.
4. online groups aren't all that different from "real people" groups. you wouldn't walk into a party and start talking shit about people you don't know so don't do it online either. read the threads. read the responses. learn about the people in the group. refer to #1 before responding.
5. creating multiple profiles, trolling, stalking, etc. is creepy and just plain wrong. shame on you. refer to #1.
6. nothing good can come of starting a thread after midnight on a lonely Friday night while drinking. trust me on this one. okay, maybe some good. those who are sober are usually thoroughly entertained.
7. starting new threads every half hour that pretty much detail your every thought is grounds for banning. okay, it isn't, but it should be. Journal that shit.
All right. Getting off my high horse now. I should be allowed up on the soap box once and awhile considering my veteran status. :)
On break ups:
The best advice I ever received is the same advice that made my blood boil when I first got it. Take care of yourself. I didn't understand what that meant on many levels and no one ever expanded on it. In a nutshell (cuz an entire book could and should be written on the subject) bring the focus back to YOU. There is a time to vent about what an asshole your ex is, but that time really needs to be short. Get it out. Journal, bitch, scream and let it go. Then bring the focus back to YOU. Basics. Food, exercise, hygiene, etc. Every time you catch yourself complaining about what the ex is doing or who they are doing it to, stop. What are YOU doing? You won't change what she/he did. You won't change her/his behaviors. You can only change yourself. Live the life YOU want. Right now.
For God's sake get some therapy and don't take all your advice from some whackos on an online support group site. :)
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.
Everyone will react differently to divorce. There are common stages you will go through. Stages much like those we experience at the death of a loved one. Knowing what to expect will help you find your way through the stages but nothing takes the negative feelings away.
Just like with grief of any kind it is common to move back and forth between the stages. You may find some of the stages easier to navigate than others. The thing to remember is that you eventually make your way through to healing and hope.
Emotional Stages of Divorce:
Denial:
You find it hard to believe this is happening to you. You refuse to accept that the relationship is over and struggle with trying to find solutions to the marital problems. You will spend time believing that if you do or say the right thing your spouse will come home.
You hate feeling out of control of the destiny of your marriage. You will be convinced thatdivorce is not the solution to the marital problems.
Shock:
You will feel panic, rage, and numbness or like you are going crazy. You will swing between despair that your marriage is over and hope that it will be restored. It will seem impossible to cope with these feelings
You will experience some common fears when thinking about your future alone. You will wonder how you are going to survive. Will you ever find love again, will the pain ever end or will you feel this way the rest of your life are all feelings you will experience during this stage.
Rollercoaster:
You cant seem to settle your feelings and thoughts. You swing from being hopeful to feeling utter despair. During this stage, you will try to intellectualize what has happened. If you can only understand what is going on then the pain will go away and all will make sense again.
You will tell yourself stories to try to make sense of it and your imagination will run wild. You will wonder if there was more you could have done, or if there is anything wrong with you. Maybe your spouse never even loved you. You will wonder if your entire marriage was a lie.
There is a lot of mental re-hashing during this period. You will fill as if you cant control your thinking and find yourself obsessed with the failure of your marriage. Depression is a danger at this stage and you may cry at the drop of a hat.
Bargaining:
You are still holding onto the hope that your marriage will be restored. There is a willingness to change anything about yourself or doing anything and that if you could just get it right, your spouse would return. The important thing to learn during this stage is that you cant control the thoughts, desires or actions of another human being.
Letting Go:
During this stage you will finally realize that the marriage is over, that there is nothing you can do or say to change that. You will become more willing to forgive the faults of your ex spouse and take responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the marriage. You will begin to feel a sense of liberation and some hope for the future.
Acceptance
The obsessive thoughts have stopped, the need to heal your marriage is behind you and you begin to feel as if you can and will have a fulfilling life. Suddenly you are looking ahead and not behind you, you are making plans and following through with them.
You will open up to the idea of finding new interests. This is a period of growth where you will discover that you have strengths and talents and are able to go forward in spite of the fear you feel.
Your pain gives way to hope and you discover that there is life after divorce and the future is made brighter due to the pain you have suffered
Come back, post more. We care.