Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
we have been married now for 5 years and things have been pretty hard especially over the last couple. I feel like I’ve probably done everything wrong to help her, she is a wonderful woman who I love dearly. She has always taken her meds but I’m not sure she has done anything else to help herself besides that. She is always so negative, she thinks she is terrible and ugly and just always down on herself. So the problem I have is when she is like this she is not willing to take ownership for anything she does, she Will treat me badly and I try and talk to her about how I feel and right away she gets defensive and won’t deal with it and then this gets me very upset and angry that I feel like I can’t have feeling or be heard, and I tdon’t y and tell her that it just feels like she doesn’t care about me or my feelings and it just makes everything worst. Sometimes things will change for a couple days and then she does something again and again won’t deal with it and she ends up feeling like she is a failure and can’t do anything right, and says more negative things about herself. She has now taken off back to her parents and blames me for how she feels about herself, I really don’t have a clue what to do she is my wife and the wonderful woman I love, I have tried telling her she isn’t a terrible person, I’ve told her I don’t care how many times someone messes up just need to apologize and move one but she is always unwilling. I feel like I’m being unfairly blamed for how she feels now, she thinks I have anger isssues, but I think anyone would be upset and get angry if they were never aloud to talk about how they have been hurt. I don’t know maybe I’m wrong, I am trying to work on me, but I don’t know if there is anything I can do for her or should be doing, she won’t even talk to me now and ignores me and my messages and email, I’m so confused right now and really don’t want this to be the end of our marriage, if anyone has some advice I would really appreciate it
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Without really knowing either of you I wouldn't want to judge the reasonableness / unreasonableness of this or advise what to do next.
If you could have couples therapy that might help - but again if she doesn't want to do that it looks like the relationship is heading towards break up.
This board is principally for people with bipolar - there is a friends and family of bipolar board but it is not so active - given my assumption that this isn't a bipolar thing you may get better advice on the healthy relationships board. Or breakups and divorce.
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/healthy-relationships
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/breakups-divorce
Thanks for the input, yeah i didn’t know where else to turn, I think it has been a big part of the bipolar thing she does have a hard time communicating but she has been depressed for quite awhile and every time she tried to do something to change she seems to fail and then beats herself up and keeps thinking less of herself and that she will never be able to change I think she needs her meds adjusted too but she doesn’t go to her doctor and tell them what’s going on, thanks again for the input
Bipolar is a cyclical disorder with extremes in moods if a person is unwell however daily personality isn't the same thing
Therapy might be a big help to her.... Coping skills would be helpful as well
The Healthy Relationships board is a good board..... Big hug
But, bipolar disorder is also part of who she is. And it sounds like you want that to go away. Plus, I agree that this sound more like low self esteem, or perhaps a double diagnosis with some kind of personality disorder.
In my younger days I went through this a lot. It was just bipolar, which I didn't know for years I had. Once I found out, I starting working a program, which I think you need to look at. (I think someone recommended it here!)
"Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder" changed my life, as a bipolar person. It also helped my husband understand me. It is by Julie A. Fast, a woman with bipolar disorder, and John Townsend, a doctor. It is incredibly practical. I have stuck with it about 13 years now, and it has really made a difference in everything.
PS. I think these two have also written a book for a bipolar person. But, start with this book, and it will help you a lot.
Thanks for the input
MarleneJ
I don’t want her bi polar to go away I know it’s part of her. And I have read that book that you have recommended and also when someone you love is bipolar by Cynthia G Last, which have been good books for information, thanks for the info I appreciate it I’ll see what happens next
Have you considered getting Counseling to deal with your anger, frustration, fear, etc.? A Therapist can help you learn better communication skils, coping skills to deal with your wife and her BiPolar and communication issues....
Your wife definitely needs the help of a Therapist, with someone whose BiPolar is unstable as hers sounds, meds alone don't tend to do it. There are skills she needs to learn in order to communicate, coping tools so that she can handle the cycling between the Poles, how to deal when things seem out of control. All of that can be done, but it takes being taught.
Both of you seem to need guidance and teaching in how to live in a marriage with BiPolar Disorder.
Take care,
Kat
Thanks for the info, I have all ready schedules myself to get some counseling, so I’m doing everything I can, but she has never been for any herself and unfortunately you can make some go to get help so we will see what happens I’m hoping she will figure it out, right now she isn’t seeing anything as good and right now when she does send a messsage everything is always negative and seems like I’m her enemy. It’s just hard I’m human I make mistakes too but I have been by her side trying to help her through things and now to feel like an enemy suck.
Thanks again
Jay
Yes I have suggested she see a therapist and even found one for her but being she doesn’t really talk to me at all I only hear from her when she wants something, so no idea if she will see someone or not, the hardest part is sitting around knowing I can’t do anything at all to help and I miss her a lot, and it doesn’t seem like she misse me at all
Yeah I know I just really hope something will change and we can work at life together, thanks for all the input, just have to wait now and see what she does