I am afraid of a relapse.
I used to be afraid of the holidays too, but these past few years I have put measures into place that take the scariness away. For instance I draw up a plan to be busy and I stick to it.

My plan this year is to work every holiday. That way I avoid family events and I will stay busy at work and will be safe. I will talk to my boss about it when it comes time for the holidays

That sound like a good plan Kisses2016, working during the holidays will also help you plan and pay for some holiday time for yourself.

Stigma from disease and relapse when changing medications to name a few.

I'm afraid of a few things. I'm only 50 and my back and hips hurt so bad. I'm afraid what my later years are going to be like. I'm afraid of another major relapse.

It seems like we're all afraid of a relapse. Myself included. I'm not sure I'm out of the woods yet with my last 2 ups and downs.

And the holidays were so hard for me too this year. I barely made it through Christmas for my kids' sake and then by new years eve I was suicidal and almost hospitalized a couple times in January.

In my current state, I'm anxious a lot of the time and am afraid of everything. Life itself feels like hardly anything more than a chance for constant disaster and hardship. But I'm always the most afraid of some of my worst manic actions coming to light or my kids getting sick or hurt.

Good plan, kisses. It's always comforting to have a plan for the what ifs.

I'm afraid of not having my medications. I lost my job a few years ago and had a lapse in insurance before state-funded Medicaid kicked in. Even when that kicked in, I had a terrible time getting them to approve my mood stabalizer because my doctor had me on a higher than "suggested" amount. So, I went about 4-6 weeks not having my medications - including an anti-depressant - and went through awful physical withdrawals that caused me to lose touch with reality. I've never had a psychotic break, per se, but I was damn near close to having one until I called up the Dept. of Health & Mental Hygeine in tears, begging them to find someone who could just approve the paperwork.

Eventually everything was taken care of, but medication withdrawals are real and they're awful and I never, ever want to experience that again.

On that note, it's kind of funny how when you're taking the medications and you think, "I don't think this is working at all," and then when you don't have it you realize just how much they DO help!

In the end, I found a new employer last year and got married last month and could get better insurance.

Big hugs for everyone

I see my pdoc next Monday and have been thinking about asking him to prescribe Latuda

He's mentioned it to me before BUT I am really afraid of 'the devil I don't know' ya know.....xo

Yes, suncloud. I know the apprehension over new medication. I always ask so whats this one gonna do to me?? And sometimes the side effects are unbearable at first and then they lift, sometimes they never do and you never which or how long you should put up with them.

Kelly, yesssss. When I went off geodon my withdrawals were so intense. I felt like I was losing my mind. When I miss a dose of trileptal (I have to take it 3 times a day) i get such a sore throat and headache.

Ok, add those to my list of fears too! Haha

Yes! I hate Ned changes. Either adding or removing one. I want off the Zyprexa but twice when my pdoc took me off it my suicidal ideations increased. I just hate the weight I’ve gained on it

Kisses, it seems to me the withdrawals from going off of an AP always trigger depression. Abilify did nothing for me so quitting it cold turkey was easy but I was suicidal while stopping geodon and for a while after. I'm scared to death to quit the rexulti even though it's making me gain weight like crazy.