You need to learn to love your self. A man really shouldn't be the purpose of your life. There are many other things worth living for and you need to start a journey to find those things.

I know how you feel I use to only value myself if I was being loved by a man. But eventually I came to realize that I am valuable whether any one else realizes that or not.

I hope the same can happen for you. It's very liberating to not "need" a man. Having one should be a bonus not a necessity.

I also did many things in many areas in which I question myself today. Most of my answers come back to me and that I have bipolar disorder.

Here on ds.com I have learned what that meant.

Be complete in who you are as much as you can before you go out there again if you are looking for the relationship to make you happy or give you purpose its similar to getting pregnant to try to save a marriage a lot to put onto a tiny new soul, Whether a man is there in your life or while you walk through life on your own you need to love and like you then you have the skills to cope with rejection as well as being able to give and feel healthy love.

If your ex said something so hurtful as saying you were unimportant he is an insensitive ass whether you date him or not he needs to grow up and learn compassion for others. And I would guess if you loved yourself a little more he would never have stood a chance with you in the first place, he may have never seen who you really are, I think more of the little girl who lost her mother too young is in need of a big sisters hug than a man in her bed right now.

And truthfully when it comes to a relationship l don't think emotionally your poor heart is ready yet heal and love you first hun let the love for your new b/f come when you are ready to see what you have to offer so you can choose instead of being chosen. Maybe start by asking yourself why should he love you when you find yourself unlovable then answer it positively not with tears or hateful words and say those words while you look at yourself in the mirror.

Don't rush take your time he is out there you will find him but work on you first white knights are rare as diamonds don't count on being saved by him we all have to grow and save ourselves, when he falls in love with you he can stand by your side and support you.

I used to have sex all the time when I was in my early 20's like crazy. None were girlfriends though, just friends, and well we just were bored and had sex to kill time. I know how ya feel though. I feel worthless just about every single day. Hell I don't even get dressed. Only time I do is if I leave the house to go see my daughter or go to the bank or mow the lawn. My neighbor Andrea, whom is sexy as hell may I add, asked me one day when out getting the mail "why are you always in pajama pants??" I said well why get dressed when ya don't leave?! I mow her lawn also since she has no lawnmower and she's like you're dressed!! I'm surprised she talks to me to be honest. It's like I put women on different steps. Like her for example, she's smoking sexy, so why the fuck would she talk to me in the first place? She said she needs to start walking, which I do when it's nice out and she found out and said she'll walk with me. Ok, that's nice, on the other hand it's nice for me because I can just walk and listen to my music. May sound stupid but I'm intimated by her, even though it's just a damn walk. I have never been one to go after the pretty women, I'm too much of a I get rejected everytime if I do do that.

In your case, stop throwing yourself to guys. I'm a guy, I can tell by your picture you're a pretty young woman, but I wouldn't use and abuse you and just throw ya away, or anyone for that matter. I've been used and abused that way myself by others, so it doesn't feel good. I think I got lost here, but anyway, I'm just like you it seems. Even in your other post I commented on, I feel worthless and a waste of fucking space. I know that if I kill myself, my family would be devastated. My 8 year old daughter keeps me going, talks to me, texts me, draws me things. She's so bright at her age (she's got schizophrenia too, go it from me), advanced, etc. She puts a smile on my face. I think of suicide...she pops in my head.

8 years old with a schizophrenia diagnosis?? hmmmmmm??? looked on more than a few medical sights and couldn't find a single example of this.

that sucks

I know what you mean Bunni, I've been there when in my teens and I can sympathize with you. It's like a void you are trying to fill, you're at an awkward stage & unsure of yourself, the guy is kinda cute and bam - you're in bed together.

I think we all go thru this at one time or another, I finally looked in the mirror and told myself what I longed to hear. That I meant something and that I loved myself, do not just "settle" for someone - I'm a good person I deserve a good guy.

I believe you need to see that in yourself before you can be in a meaningful relationship, and find someone that will love you for being you. Good luck with the soul searching, don't worry your soul mate it out there - you just wait.

thank you for the kind words. :)

this fuckin illness pisses me off. i think i just lost a male friend because of it. it's like i know i'm punishing myself and hurting myself by letting these men treat me this way. this male friend of mine...he knows i'm not right, in fact, he was support. but after tonight, i dunno where our relationship stands. what i don't understand is why do i still care?? i'm used to it, which is why it's no problem to cut myself (i have scars on all limbs, each representing a guy). why the fuck do i act so surprised when i get the lies from them?? i guess this is just a vent.

anyways, fuck it, dramamine makes me feel better, though i dunno how much longer my liver has left to endure this shit. i'm just so fucking angry right now! i'm sick of this shit!

my mother would always tell me i'm pretty and shit. and i never believed her. my father says it all the time as well.
some of you mentioned that i don't need a man and that i should love myself first. but that is SO hard to do. :( i feel i will NEVER love myself, EVER. i died when my mother died, so EVERYTHING other than my brother and father, is irrelevant to me in this fuckin world. i feel like i deserve to be treated like a whore. i mean, if i'm still nice and caring (because i am. i have a kind heart.), what difference does it make if guy a and buy b don't like me... :( ok i'm done. sorry. it hurts to have a person tell you that you aren't worth shit.

My kids are now 25 and 23 and I really believe the most important lesson I taught them is that noone can truly live with another human being and make a relationship work until they can live 1 year on their own without a significant other

The 2nd most important lesson was that yes sex and love are totally differnet and each can be had with or without the other - whichever you choose make sure you are comfortable with your decision

bunni what you're describing sure doesn't sound like all bipolar behaviour to me??... It sounds like there's a lot more then hypersexuality going on from what you're describing..
If I were you I'd get into therapy now... It's important to take care of you!! A therapist will help you to work on healing and loving yourself
You are so worth it girl!!....xo

Yes Mojo, my 8 year old daughter has Schizophrenia. Females can be diagnosed that young. Good thing is, they have a high chance of living a normal life with it than males do, why that is I have no idea.

bunni.....I know exactly, exactly how you feel, and I think that richardmoderate hit the nail on the head. I think a lot of guys can pick out the girls with the low self esteem and insecurity and know who to target. I was always looking for someone to love me. Heck, I'd have even taken just a steady boyfriend, but hardly anyone really wanted to date me very long.

I've been disappointed by every man I've ever loved. I can say that the others are right in that you do need to get your own self worth improved before you try this again, or it will keep happening. You will end up settling for less than you deserve, or you will put up with much more CRAP than you deserve. People can be soooo cruel.

Please, love....take care of fixing yourself first.

I can relate. Lately I've been working on trying to accept myself and others. Then I observe if I feel accepted by them, thinking that I deserve people in my life that accept me. But I'm not sure how this is going to work since I'm still learning about myself.
I don't feel safe in a relationship, I just feel lost.
I don't know if it's healthy, but I'm trying to be a flower to others in my life, and help out where I can. I'm trying to allow myself to freely give even though I'm viciously insecure.

That you are absolutely 100% sure that you are doing all this - gives you the opportunity to stop this behavior.

You have lots of great advice and I agree with everyone, especially sex isn't love - and you can have both! Being aware your hurting, let me point out something that changed my life...

Married, in-love, having sex - YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS - people can't use or hurt us, if we don't line up and invite them. People can't hurt our feelings without our permission. Once you are aware, you have a choice - Do I want to get better, or do I want to get worse?

There comes a time - we are volunteers. My favorite quip, if someone lies to you 99 times, who is at fault the 100th? The liar or the person disappointed and hurt again?

((((BIG HUG))))) Sex or codependent, work on yourself! When I was 28, my therapist told me "Gina, you have no rules for yourself so I'm going to give you some..." "No more casual sex, you don't know what intimacy is...and no more smoking weed every day on the way home from work! LMAO

Make yourself happy, then find a good that wants to hang out and have great sex!

Glad you here, but time to read a book or make an appt - Women that love too much.... excellent read!

Bunni- I agree with what Suncloud said

I'm just a person on the internet but here's my take..what you write about abandonment issues (maybe), feeling you deserve to be treated as a whore, hurting yourself (& more) ..do you have a medical professional you can talk to? Has anyone suggested dialectical behavioural therapy? It's totally possible to break this pattern you're in with men & to have healthier, happier relationships=- so think you'd benefit from working on your issues. Wish you the be best x