all this advice helps alot, i really appreciate it. and i will take it. i will switch therapists. i don't feel like she can help me. she is very nice, but i think i need someone else, so i'll man up and ask for a different one and try that. thank you guys. as of now, i feel a little better. nice to have some advice better than none. thank you again. :)

Good job Bunni for wanting to switch and man up. Sometimes you need a slap in the face about shit. I grew up in a strict house, then left. That was a mistake. I got out of control, but oh well, that was then. I used to be you, except I'm a guy. I would throw myself at women. They knew I had shit for self esteem, fuck them and throw me away. Hell, they still do if they ever meet me..but that's only via internet these days. Everyone is right, sex and love are different.

Reminds me actually of yesterday. I got a text from someone I know asking if I've ever been in a 4sum, I said no I haven't, but I have 3sum's. She said it would be her, her friend, and both their boyfriends. Her and her friend are bisexual so they'd play with each other, but when it came to sex they wouldn't switch off. That's not a 4sum to me. They said because of feelings that's why. Well, don't ask for a 4sum then if you can't separate sex and feelings..point blank.

yeah. cause i already know both are different, hell, i can't be intimate to save my life. i just don't know how to do it. :/ but on the otherhand, i want a person to love me and to hold me and all that other shit.
before i got married, i was heading down that path of doing threesomes and so forth, but thank god i got married. LOL. now it's like my fuckin FRIENDS are doing this to me. "can i see your boobs?" "send me some pics" "3 pics in exchange for 1?" *eyeroll* it's like wow...even my guy friends use me. it's hard cause it's like an addiction as well. my labido is high, VERY high. so mix that in with some fuckin low self-esteem issues, bipolar, depression, OCD, family member loss, cutting, bladder problem, eye vision problem, being gullible, being vulnerable, being dumb, etc etc and you have ONE GIANT CLUSTER FUCK. lol. if i haven't found this site, i dunno what i would be doing right now. i'm just so fuckin thankful there are others out there like me, and i don't mean to offend by saying that, i wouldn't wish this on anyone in the world, but i hope you know what i mean.

' They '

' They'


They...They...They

Umm, no such thing as male friends? That's a bullshit comment. I've had more female friends than male friends and I haven't slept with any of them nor have I tried. I don't mean to come across as mean, but that statement just basically puts guys as a whole like we are crap. We're not all assholes. I'm that way with women, 99% are shit and the rest of the 1% are the good ones, gotta fish through them. No sex, female or male, is worthless. And anyone can be anyone's friend.

@ mojopaw.

http://www.oprah.com/health/The-7-Year-Old-Schizophrenic


http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pediatric_schizophrenia

http://www.riversideonline.com/health_reference/Teen-Health/AN01516.cfm

many more where that came from....

i totally agree with what u said metalfan..i was just about to say that just cuz a dude wants to b friends does not mean he wants to screw u..men make great friends and many guys just genuinely wanna b ur friend..ive had many that not once made any sexual advance..sure some do but the ladies will do the same to a guy friend..using someone and leading them on to make urself feel better is not cool no matter what the situation is..

ull find assholes that wanna use u n lie to u but if u look hard enuff u can also find a true blue guy that actually cares about u..never feel ur worthless just cuz ur single..ur single for the time being cuz u just havent found the right guy yet..work on finding ways to love urself in the meantime...its easier to love someone when that person values themselves more..show them u have worth with or with out them..u dont need them to live and be happy in ur life..its awesome to have a guy but make sure its a guy u truly enjoy having around for reasons other then just sex..u wanna b with someone that treats u good n someone u can laugh with,a guy u actually just enjoy spending time with no matter what ur doing..sex is a great part of being w a guy but its hardly the only reason that should make u feel great about being with him..it should not be the only thing u feel u can do with them that makes u feel special about urself..ur special cuz ur you..it has nothing to do with how many guys like u or wanna have sex with u

if u feel that u are useless, no man will ever make u feel otherwise..u are not useless and its in u to find ur worth..it will not come from a man..it comes from ur heart n once u find it the man that deserves u will come along and u wont NEED him to prove ur worth..you'll just be happy being in love together :) xo

Okay, I know my reply put the blame on the predatory male.Ive been feeling a little bit grumpy lately. Sorry.

Yes, I know the decision was mine to sleep with the guys that I did. I have been insecure for a very long time, and have often based my worth on how much people like me. I didnt have a lot of guidance growing up. My mom left when I was 13, and I hated her for it. Mostly because my dad remarried within the year and we got stuck with a bitch step-mother. I was so dang shy in high school and never had a single date until prom, and it was just a friend. No experience whatsoever. I never went out with friends. I was a loner.

When I moved away from home..far, far away, I met a lot of people who didnt immediately see me as a silly shy girl. I was actually asked out on dates! I really thought that if I slept with them, they would stay with me cuz they would like me more. It wasnt every guy I went out with..just the ones I was hoping would turn into something. Man, I was dumped left and right. What was wrong with me? Im completely serious when I say that. Absolutely no one stuck with me for more than a couple of months. I STILL wonder what I did SOOOO wrong. Were every one of these guys just players? Was it just what EVERYONE did in their 20s? I was left feeling more insecure of myself than ever after all of the rejection. I met and married my husband in my late 20s, and shortly after the honeymoon, he decided that his brothers farm was more interesting than I wasif it wasnt the farm, it was something else. I was rejected again.

This is why I am saying that I have been disappointed by the men I have loved..my dad, some of the guys I have dated, and my husband. I DO have to get over the idea that my worth is not based on what these men think of me, or how much they love me, or dont love me.

This is just my story.I am adding this because I did put all my blame on the males. I still feel rejected and disappointed, but I have to get over those feelings and put them behind me. My whole problem is my very very low self esteem and low sense of self-worth, low self-confidence..all of it. Its all me. I hate it all. I just cant convince myself otherwise.

Sorry for blabbing.

@kim, everything you said is similar to my situation as well. always feeling like i did something wrong when i've played every damn card. i admit, yes, i did blame males for awhile and i won't lie, i still do. but i do try to not to, i really do. sex is all i know, so of course it would be hard for me to find the right guy when i usually just compromise myself, have the guy lie to me, have him sleep with me, and then leave. it's the same shit over and over. but the thing is, why should i love myself at all? that's what i think. so i rule that out and just continue to find a guy.
when my mother passed, she was beginning to educate me on life and being a woman and all that shit. so after she passed, i was alone. a father can't really relate to a daughter that much because of obvious reasons, so i basically just turned to my girlfriends, which was a bad idea. so i didn't know shit about anything. i didn't know how to cook, clean, keep shit to myself, etc etc. i don't think you were babbling kim, i thank you for sharing that story, it has helped me realize that there are other women out there that have gone through similar situations. so again, thank you. :)