So for the past week or so I have been feeling
pretty good - I have been journalling and going to therapy
and I haven't been on DS.org too much.

At the same time I have been doing pretty well, I have also found that
there has been some emerging feelings of being overwhelmed by things.
Overwhelmed at the thought of driving half an hour to my Dad's house.
Overwhelmed at work a little. And while sitting here at home - I have just felt like an overwhelmed 'old guy.'

I am trying not to let this overwhelmed feeling- which manifests as fear - take hold. OR to hold onto it.. It's weird how the fear can almost reinforce itself within us
and cause a crazy circle of feelings and behaviors.

I am planning on going to a party tonight. It's out in the boondocks but so it goes. I will go.

I wrote the title of this post as "unstable" because my mood - has been spiking - really quickly. I am going out tonight - but I feel a little suicidal.
Like I just want these mood shifts - the fear - and my struggles to go away.
It's like "OK I am ready for this shit to just be over.."

I know it will change and I will feel better - and I appreciate life so much - but I am feeling really tired of one moment feeling though a little unstable and shaky - to shift to really intense thoughts that feel like two steps - or 10 steps back.

Maybe I will go for a walk. I feel like my illness is a smokey pet dragon. It's really hard to take care of - and it walks beside me all the time.