I spent my first five years of therapy learning that cutting is a primitive coping skill and that I didn't love me anymore. Please go to your therapist and try to stop. You deserve so much more. You deserve to be happy and to love yourself enough that you don't want to hurt yourself anymore. I feel so bad for you and I do understand because I have been right where you are at. Find out a proper diagnosis and get the right treatment. My son was diagnosed bipolar and the meds never helped and he got a second opinion that said borderline and after a good bit of therapy he is doing really well. I hope things start getting better really soon. My heart goes out to you. Hugs.

Autumn I'm glad you get it. It's such a tough situation. I hate cutting but I love it.

I totally understand that Breona. It is for sure a love/hate relationship. But you can beat it but you will need help. Sometimes, even though I haven't cut in several years, I still get that urge to cut. But we have to be stronger than that urge. We have to value ourselves enough to not scar and hurt ourselves. I won't be an easy battle but I have faith in you!!

I'll always remember the first time I ever cut. The moment it became an addiction. How good it felt to release the emotions so quickly. How calming it was for me, because in order to get my self to do it again, to go through the physical pain of a knife to my skin again, I had to take deep breaths. I had to slow my breathing and concentrate my eyes to a singular point in the room. I also remember the next morning. I woke up, looked at the bandage on my forearm and felt 10 times worse. Packed an exacto to take to school with me. And continued the process.

Cry. Cut. Release. Breath. Sleep. Wake up. Feel worse.
Cry. Cut. Release. Breath. Sleep. Wake up. Feel worse.

I guess what I'm trying to say is.. I haven't cut in over 2 years. I still get the urge to. But I have come to a point in my life, where immediately after the urge to cut, comes the thought that I always felt worse about myself and my life the next morning. And even sometimes right after.

I also remember that in order for me to cut my self in the first place I had to concentrate and slow my breathing as I mentioned before. During recovery, I focused very hard on that aspect. I can force myself to take deep breaths in and out, focus my heart rhythm and find a focal point with out having to cut. With out the cutting, it became meditation. Now meditation is very significant part of controlling my anxiety and mood swings.

I hope that helped. It took me a long time to come to that realization. But I did it. I feel if we can recognize the process of our negative coping methods, we can find a good aspect in all of them and turn it into a positive coping method.

Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I too agree with everything you're saying. I've been clean for 4 years now but it's so hard not to! I don't know what keeps me from doing it. When I was a kid and I was still living at home my biggest excitement for moving out was to be able to cut without getting in trouble from my parents! Now I'm living with my soon 2 be wife and I still feel the same way that I know if get in trouble. I guess maybe that's why I don't or haven't cut in so long.