I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I there somebody there with you? I'm not sure what else to tell you. Sorry about that. Big hugs.

(((Hugs))) I've never cut before. I'm not quite sure, but if do understand, you're feelings of pain numb you, and to control or help yourself to feel 'less' pain you cut. I'm so sorry to think this is happening to you. I have a friend who's daughter, young 20's cut...she felt lost. I so hope you can call a friend or seek out someone who you can trust. Monday, can you call a doctor or therapist for support...For now, perhaps a crisis call line just to get some personal comfort....my thoughts are with you. Try to think about what you can do, not what you can't control. Hoping that will help you to feel more control over the situation that is causing your pain.

Be good to you - I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time right now. But, remember, it is RIGHT NOW. It will pass, and you will feel better, hopefully sooner than later. But it is temporary. That's what we all share. Big hugs and light sent your way. May you feel better soon!

Thanks everyone. It's just so hard to stay clean. I'm struggling so badly. I feel like I'm losing my mind. But its scary because I'm sitting here perfectly "fine". No one would ever know how badly I'm hurting because you can't tell.

That is the curse of 'invisible disabilities'. No one will know unless you can reach out for help. Staying clean takes energy, and energy can only come from self-care, not self-hatred...cutting. You are a beautiful person, going through a horrid moment in 'present time'. God willing you will find a way to bring yourself some peace. This website is a listing of many different healing meditations, to let go of the past..."cut the cord' to your pain and let the healing begin. By Not Cutting, every second You get stronger and more in control of making decisions for your wellbeing and your life. Best to you!
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=meditations+to+heal+cutting

so, are you on meds?

No, I am not on meds. I used to be years ago. But I don't want to be on them. They never helped before.

So sorry you are feeling this bad Breona....take yourself out of the daily activities until you feel better. Do whatever it takes to pump up the self care to get back to some place of comfort. None of this is easy but start with loving yourself ......

Im just done. Idk what to do

ok, meds didn't work. You tried lots?

So maybe it's not bipolar? Did you have an additional diagnosis of borderline?

I don't know that I have bipolar or not? I've been diagnosed with it but my Dr was a quack. I've also been diagnosed with. PTSD, OCD, manic depression, and anxiety disorder.

well manic depression is bipolar.

I'd strongly recommend that you get a proper assessment - proper assessment = proper diagnosis = proper treatment.

Bipolar meds don't work for people without bipolar which is why I made the suggestion. Also I've remembered your posts from the past and borderline personality disorder is something I'd suggest should be looked at.

That has treatment via particular forms of therapy - I don't think it ever entirely goes away but I think it will make your life alot easier - if it is Borderline.

Yeah I've also felt like cutting lately again. But then I think of how far I've come. How well I'm doing. How I hated hiding the new cuts and how restricted my wardrobe became. So yeah, I don't want to cut anymore.

Bre do you see a therapist? Therapy has been a huge part of my recovery. I get not wanting to be on meds but therapy is so important to dealing with any mental health condition. I still feel like giving up at times. But I redirect my thoughts. Cbt has been a huge help

I just started therapy a few weeks ago. And its been so chaotic around here that I have to keep rescheduling and last time I had an appt she frgt about me.... And came out half hr late and we were supposed to talk about the deep shit and never got to. That was like 2 weeks ago and I haven't been back yet. I go Thursday.

Perhaps you need a new therapist. It is your right and her responsibility that she keep appointments and that they begin on time. She strikes me as very irresponsible.