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Restless and Unsettled

wiccanwolf1
wiccanwolf1
For the last week or so These are the feeling I have been pushing back.

I have had the urge to fill a hiking backpack with some of my clothes, put my blade in the back of my belt and just go. To be free again, to live by my wits, my cunning, my intelligence.

That was my world, I was a god in that world. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and in the way I wanted to do it. Living each day not knowing where or when I was going to sleep, not knowing what was going to be my next meal, having no one to answer too, crushing anyone or anything that stood in my way.

Yes, living by my primal nature, that is who I really am. I'm not meant to be domestic. I was never meant to be domesticated.

I AM AN ANIMAL I WAS MEANT TO HUNT

DAMN I MISS THE HUNT
gmason
gmason
Have you ever tried to find a balance between the two, or is it black and white?

Is it possible to have a safety valve that allows you to live this for a short time, or once you re-enter that life is it impossible to leave?
BabyShelby
BabyShelby
Where is your habitat?
deleted_user
deleted_user
constant negative thought patterns that would pretty much sabotage
anything good i had in my life are a huge red flag that i'm headed towards psychosis.
wiccanwolf1
wiccanwolf1
My Habitat: The streets in whatever environment I found myself.

Gmason, ask any handler of wild life, there is no middle ground. A wild animal can never be domesticated only caged and contained. which I had to learn to do many years ago.

@ Mojo, your right. Which is why I write. As long as I can get it out into the light of day and out of my head, I am able to look at it and keep perspective on it. This is perhaps my most difficult battle at I fight every day.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i don't think you're crazy at all for feeling that way.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i was just speaking from my own experience, and i don't think wiccan is crazy at all.
deleted_user
deleted_user
and it must be something to do with spring, but i too have been thinking about packing the car and getting on the road.

must be pre-programed mammalian migration urges.

damn you moon, i love you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
oh Mojo, no i wasn't trying to directly refer to what you had said, and i realize too, what you mean.

i understand.

sorry about that.

i just mean those can also be relatable feelings because 'civilized' society seems often a very awkward place for us to live in and not always what could be right for our natural selves.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I lived in Yosemite for awhile backpacking Half Dome and Bridal Veil falls. It was majestic. I am going again this summer. Can't wait to hit the trails in my hiking shoes. I love being out in nature. It is such a beautiful primal place.
jeansmind
jeansmind
It's defiantly warmer weather related..... we are all primal beasts, some more than others.....
gmason
gmason
I would then ask is this related to personal choices, or is it related to something else?

Are you longing for a life you gave up, or is this an issue that repeats itself as a mood swing? Does this proceed something that is sociopathic? Is it something that creates danger for yourself or others?
silentnight
silentnight
I'm the complete opposite wiccan and take my hat off to you. Living in Ireland surrounded by greenery and roaring countryside I'm afraid its all wasted on me.

As a martyr to paranoia, just this minute the thought of leaving my front door fills me with terror.

How ill-divided this lonely planet is....
dancingd
dancingd
You recently had a surgery ?
Yes ?

These feelings could be residual affects of Post Surgical stress....my Pdoc warned me about having episodes after my surgery.

Anyway, hoping you can find some peace soon.

I was a Huntress once. I miss the Hunt also.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for ya wiccan.... I think most people often go through the grass is greener on the other side stuff...
This isn't to do with mania or hypo is it?...
Perhaps there is some compromise to be had??.. could you have time for yourself to go and explore.. a holiday of your own to get back to your roots...x
wiccanwolf1
wiccanwolf1
To be quite frank, Gmason, I do believe it's a combination of all three.

I live for the excitement and the danger of living on the edge, it sharpens my senses, puts my skills to the test. I was told once by an old teacher " there is always someone just a little bit stronger, a little bit faster, a little smarter and just a little bit better than you out there." Problem is I ain't found him yet.LOL

I spent a good deal of my younger years bringing Justice(not law, justice) to predators for their victims. I miss the excitement, the danger of that. Yes at times my behavior could be described as sociopathic, but that has always come with serious consequences( seems I have a conscious) LOL
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