I didn't get to the point of writing anyone.. I made this long elaborate to-do list beforehand thinking I'd be forever getting it done and talk myself out of it by then. Was in a mixed state, not just depressed, so i was getting everything done alarmingly quickly. Called my p-doc and was in the hospital within 2 hours. Now I really fight off those thoughts if they ever creep in.

I have thought I'd be better off dead but have never planned or acted on it. Only thing for sure is I will be cremated. No box or boo hoo ceremony either. I want a party and if anyone talks bad about me I will haunt their ass . I had a brother who committed suicide and it is awful for those who have to deal with it, clean up the mess, etc. I would never put my kids through that unless I was terminally ill and then I would make sure my kids didn't have a mess to clean up.

I'm confused when people say suicide is selfish. Do you mean in every case? It might be a little insensitive to vocalize that judgement when there could be many here who have lost loved ones to suicide.

Are there cases where the mental pain or physical pain is so great that we can put ourselves in their shoes and understand? "Out of their mind with pain" and acting as they normally would not. Like if our brains worked right, we wouldn't be suicidal. And if we could be cured why go that route?

I love how Irish put it- "I died of bipolar disorder". I often think of MIs, esp. depression, as a cancer of the mind. And though some think suicide is selfish I sometimes think it's selfless, at least I can see how someone about to do it could think of it that way. You are going through hell, disrupting the lives of your loved ones, you thin they'd be better off without.. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. And in that state you can only see one way to kill two birds with one stone, pardon the pun. If I'm not depressed and I think of dying I have mini panic attacks, when I'm depressed I crave it, it's constantly on my mind. I think thar says a lot

If you died from a heart attack, nobody would call you selfish. people are just ignorant. My youngest brother was killed by bipolar by hanging and I have only good thoughts that his pain ended and he is in a good place. I would never think badly of him about it.

on the other hand I saved a sister who had od while drunk because I knew that if she was sober she would never have done it. she is glad to be alive.

I also found another brother in late april this year who had fallen after overdosing and is now paralysed from the chest down. people have said the most insensitive things about him. bp lied to him and he did not know this is how things would turn out. I should not have happened. he was extremely unlucky to fall and at the angle that he did. it was an accident.

I also spent ten years of my life answering suicide notifications from one of my sisters who constantly self harmed by cutting. she is in remission now for over twenty years and living a good life. she's a psychotic bitch but she is still alive.

this illness is very unpredictable and difficult to treat and 15 to 20% of people with it die each year. screw those who judge while knowing nothing at all about it in reality.

At least 10 out of the 12 in my family have tried to self harm. If that is not a hereditary illness I don't know what is. my mother had depression and my father had undiagnosed bp/bpd.

sorry for the long ramble,

I think the original post talked about people wanting to write to all of the people who drove a person to commit suicide so I think that's where people are talking about being really hurtful to others
Regarding being selfish the loved ones left are devastated by a 'successful' suicide... They beat themselves up and blame themselves for everything that they couldn't do often for years
It's hard and painful when we're in a bad place our mind often tells us it's better to just leave this earth... We have an often painful and difficult illness

When I was younger during a depression I would plan out how I would do it. But never wrote letters. Never tried to kill myself. I guess Im lucky.