Chelle, I want you to know that I do not think of you any differently. I'm sorry you are going through this.


I don't know a whole lot about psychosis and delusions but here is my take - the fact that you are recognizing these thoughts as being false, makes me think you are not psychotic or delusional right now. I gander that these are intrusive thoughts and only intrusive thoughts for the moment. I know how it feels not to be able to stop them, though and it's terrifying and crippling.

Do you have a pdoc along with your tdoc? What has your tdoc said about getting these thoughts to stop altogether?

Chelle this must have been so hard for you to share with us... I do not think anything differently/badly about you and I KNOW that these thoughts are due to the BP and not down to you personally... whether they are delusions or psychosis I don't know..from what little I know I would say the former?

It could be ocd. When I was delusional I thought my delusions were real. Really thought the police had my phone tapped and were trying to set me up. So much I called the lead detective at least ten times telling him his co workers were working to set me up. Let your dr know what you

I am sorry you are going through this.

I don't think any less of you Chelle. It must have been so hard to tell us this, and I commend you on your bravery of sharing.

Continue to talk to your tdoc and pdoc about it, and hopefully it'll pass quickly. I wish I could say more, but I can't even fathom how to cope with something like this. Good Luck and big ((((HUGS))))

When I've had horrific intrusive thoughts, I would blast really loud music to try and drown them out. Even better if it was something I could scream along to. Sometimes it would help, sometimes not. So sorry you're being haunted by these thoughts. Hope it resolves soon.

You have to be one of the bravest people I have ever met and I'm amazed at your honesty. Thoughts are just that thoughts,we can't control them all we can do is control what we act upon.I'm certain you are not a child molester or you wouldn't have declared the thoughts here.Talk these through with a professional,I don't think you are delusional or psychotic.

Chelle...

I'm kind of in shock. Your courage to say this is... is beyond me. But now I can find my own bravery and say for the first ever, ever, ever, even on the grand expanse of the internet, I've never said anything, but I, too, suffer from such upsetting thoughts. Never ever ever would I ever do anything like it, so it's puzzled me for years why my brain involuntarily produces such ideas without my consent or input. They just show up, and make me gang, and look down at the ground no matter who with or where I am.

I always thought people would pounce on me as a pedophile if I said anything. I haven't been seeing any therapists since they started, mainly because I know they're bull shit and I can handle them myself. There's one thing I'm certain of, that I am not a pedophile. But I do admit that my brain is beyond my control sometimes, as scary as it is, I know I can control any action my brain could urge me into.

Still doesn't make it any easier to make it through those thoughts. I have them at random and usually a lot of time in between them. I hate it most when it's my friend's kid, playing and romping and smiling and then some horrific snippit I caught on the news about child abuse gets tied into a picture of him and I have to walk away - not because I want to act it out, just because I'm so disgusted with my brain and the thoughts don't stop just by me telling them to - I usually have to remove myself from the room for a few minutes.

This has tormented me for four years now. If I ever get suicidal thoughts, I always figure I'll write in the note that a major part why is a good damn reason... and that would be it.

I'm really glad you spoke about this Chelle. I'm still feeling embarrassed and ashamed. But I've known since they started that it's a farce and my brain is probably either in a loop of my own abuse, is overwhelmed with all the shit I see on L&O: SVU and other grimey crime shows, or, well, something unexplainable that I'll just have to work through.

*hugs*

I agree with everyone else, Chelle.....you are really brave to share this. I believe they are intrusive thoughts, though, due to OCD perhaps and I have had them as well. Mine have had to do with things like homicidal thoughts......pulling off the perfect crime......that sort of thing. I would NEVER be able to do something like that, so I understand how you feel about these thoughts popping in your head for no reason. My pdoc has upped my anti-psychotics when I've told him about them, and it really helps.

Of course, I don't think any differently of you...........just don't be thinking I'm some kind of a serial killer!

Chelle, do you have OCD by any chance?

I've heard similar things from suferers of OCD - they call it pure "O" - it often involves obsessive thoughts of harm to others to the grotesque max - it's extremely distressing for them.

First off (((((Chelle))) luv ya my friend and very proud of you right now - what a brave thing you just did and can't believe anyone around here would ever think different of you for your admittance. . . . .

I am on the bandwagon of perhaps its OCD. When my mania gets above what is a tolerable level for me my OCD tends to kick into overdrive along with it and then here come the intrusive thoughts. When I can get the mania back down a few notches the OCD drops a bit and the intrusive thoughts go to the shadows once again.

Not alot of help I know and for that sorry again kudos to ya darlin

Delusions and psychosis is the same thing for me...the psychosis is a general term for periods of delusions and hallucinations as I understand it. My intrusive thoughts are part of the delusions. I like to call these intense periods when my illness is most active as "alternative realities" and I tend to hover between these alternative realities and real life until I get to the hospital and get my meds sorted out. I don't know about other people but for me I know when I am becoming ill as it is a gradual slip into psychosis it's not like I wake up one day and am in psychosis totally unaware.

What you are thinking is not you ..it is the illness don't think for a moment that you are somehow a bad person and don't be ashamed for talking about it,,,that is the first step towards healing. It can be very distressing I know but because you recognize that the thoughts are wrong says a lot...you will not act on them. Like someone said the thoughts are just thoughts. It is good you are talking about it with your therapist. Did he/she recommend a med change? When I am having difficult times with the intrusive thoughts/delusions I go for a med change...I'm a bit of a weenie and don't like the pain that the thoughts bring into my life however last xmas things got out of control and I started having visual hallucinations which I acted upon and ended up in jail. I don't want that happening to you. These thoughts can be dangerous if the delusion gets worse.

Also have you been under some sort of extreme stress lately? I tend to get ill after I have been under a lot of stress...it's a trigger.

I am sorry you go through this. I have intrusive thoughts of people being killed. I can look at someone and see them being stabbed. I hate it. I was told they are just intrusive thoughts. I don't have the urge to do them. My zyprexa shuts them off like a switch. HUGS

Chelle I dont think any different of you. I actually understand it. I have had very derranged thoughts as you know. Its all because of the abuse and its hard to deal with. Just wanted you to know that I do understand and I could never, ever hold anything against you for it. Your such a beautiful person inside and out. And your a damn good mom to those children of yours. They are very lucky to have a mother like you. xoxo

With tears in my eyes..........you guys are so wonderful. Thank you for supporting me through probably the worst thing in my life. I would rather be abused or taken advantage or over and over as to think these horrific thoughts. In my next post, I am going to respond to some of you individually. Hugs and Love from me to you all.

As with the others, I think it could be OCD, but also PTSD, like what we discussed before.

For one, you are so brave in sharing this! If anyone thinks differently because of what you shared, they are not your friend.