I'm experiencing depression and anxiety.  I'm tired of dealing with this disease.  I feel terrible.  I have sadness, fear, guilt. Can't feel pleasure with things I enjoy and lack of motivation.

Physical symptoms are fatigue, muscle weakness trouble sleeping, poor appetite.

The left side of my head feels stiff, like someone is poking me.  I know not everyone is religious but sometimes I think it's a demon attacking me.

I'm having memory lapses which can be scary.  Right now I can't remember if I remembered to report some information to our state funded medical insurance or not.  I'm sure I did but I 'm not 100, percent sure.  I could call and ask to check but I don't want to feed the "beast".  Also the have long hold times to talk to someone.  The told me they have direct connection to SSA so they update that info easily.  I think they said that's what it was for.

It doesn't take much to freak me out these days.  As you can see, my mind is a huge mess.  I'm afraid of getting into trouble for things by accident.  I don't like getting into trouble at all.  I overthink things a lot.

I just started therapy at a new place.  It will probably be awhile before I see results.  I have a few tools in my toolbox.  I'm just so tired of the fight. BP is a monster of a disorder.  I wish I could think clearly and rationally.  I want feel joy, again.