I have been trying to cope with my illness for most of my life and I'm thinking that maybe you should be asking yourself what it is that's missing in your life that would make you happy if it existed then plan on taking measures to try and have that for yourself in the future.

I guess what I am trying to say is that in order for there to be light at the end of the tunnel that maybe you should try and figure out what color light that you will hope to find :)

When I felt like things wouldn't get better I changed my focus to "endure" I decided that if life was going to be a heavy blanket on my back and I would always feel bad then I would try to make myself feel comfortable and try to make myself endure the hard times for as long as I could...i took hot baths when I couldn't muster the strength the stand in the shower..i felt good about staying hydrated even if I could only snack on pretzels and cheese for the day and I tried to be kind to myself if I couldn't get put of bed I told myself it was ok and rest was important too sometimes and just opened the window and let in the sunlight and fresh air

I don't want to make anyone angry by talking about this but I am seeing a Tdoc that specialises in BP and teaches DBT and CBT. One of the topics is identifying a higher power. Now I am not talking religion but I am talking about a little bit about faith. My beliefs are not from any standard religion and it is sort of made up. I just take what I like to believe in and I believe in that. I believe that there is a higher power that I call the Universe and it has a plan for me and that I have a purpose here and that I matter. Then everything I go through, good and bad is for a reason, I am not a patient person and I have to force myself to believe that this situation will not last forever. It gives me some comfort when it feels like everything is hopeless and that I have no control over anything. Maybe if you can identify a belief, however made up it is, it may give you strength.

Another thing I can think off from my therapy is to identify my values. Everyone values things in life. If you can identify yours and perhaps put actions to them then you will have goals that you can work towards to achieve them and that gives you a little purpose. Like, I value time. What can I do about it, I can ask for flexi-time at work and go to work earlier and leave earlier so I have more daylight time for things I want to do. Just little things like that.

I don't know if any of this helps. I am still struggling with acceptance that I have this condition and only been diagnosed recently.

Now I think about it, I am sure you have heard this all before. Sorry if it is not useful.

Well the first question you'd have to answer would be, why do you hate life so much? 2nd would be how do you become happy with yourself and just you, how do you learn to accept the person that you are and be okay with that, know that you're someone worth loving and being cared about, then learn to love and care about yourself. That's one of the more difficult things, self acceptance. Putting yourself out there with a belief that you matter and are worth something better and all the love you can give yourself.

As for the BiPolar and it's symptoms, they can be managed and longterm Stability can be achieved but it can take time. Medication cocktails have to be found that work the best. And working through issues/trauma's/emotional troubles with a Therapist and learning healthy coping skills for dealing with symptoms takes time and hard work. You're the only one who can decide if you're willing to do that. But don't mistake being worth the work of it for being willing to do it. Your definitely worth it.

Take care and try to find just one or two things about life that you don't hate and focus on them. Good changes can start small and taking things a day at a time is usually a much more productive way.

Kat

Welcome to the board Anghellic ….. I'm sorry that you're in a dark place right now..... I find this time of year can be rough

I find gratitude helps me a great deal.... I am on the depressive side and the worse I feel the more I focus on how much I have to be grateful for

When I am feeling grateful I never feel as bad..... Big hug.....xo

Hi...yes life can feel like a dark cloud, transitions of seasons, beginnings or endings of relationships, or just your own way of looking at what you are doing or not doing.

What I've discovered about myself, the worse I feel, '''what is the lesson I'm to learn''' meaning to gain more strength...that's one thing about BP, it comes in waves, so the emotions come, ever changing sometimes tsunami's some times just beautiful sounding rolling into shore.

Just a small shift in your sails, perhaps looking outside your window and watching the birds, the sway of trees will help to calm your mind. Or inside, find something of beauty you love and feel comforted by...give that to yourself with kindness.

Many many years I was brutal on myself with expectations of the 'shoulds' that
"fear blocked" me from even trying out of fear of failure so I didn't even try....living life period. Could you journal here about what might be your fear blocks, to find freedom to live?

All the best to you on your journey...of purpose and meaning in your life. ml

Xoxoxo

Anghellic,

I so wish I had a magic answer....in any event I'm glad you found your way here! Yes life feels hellish and that can go on for as long as your willing to tolerate it....

Cut yourself a break when ever you can...extra sleep, long walk outdoors, breathe...

And don't forget to take make the time to love yourself!

Get that extra hug ((((hugs)))

I know it seems bleak but keep fighting just do whatever you need to keep going even if it’s driving down the road banging on your steering wheel cussing God out. No I’m serious it may seem blasphemous but I think he will understand your pain.

Hey A. I feel very much the same way you do. VERRRRY MUUUCH.... I don't have the answers for you and I'm not going to even give you my two cents worth of advice, I don't know you (but would be happy to get to know you, if it helps) and would hate to mislead you.

But what I can tell you is that you're here with us, seeking help. That tells me that you're on the right track and things will eventually turn around for you. You're a good woman, your smart and you will find your light at the end of the tunnel.

I think for myself after I've done everything I can to seek outside help with meds and therapy, I need to work on accepting myself the way I am and not expecting any dramatic change. Affirmations have worked for me in the past and I'm starting to do breathing exercises as well.

I get these thoughts too when I focus on the big picture. I don't like what I see.

That's why I just try to stay in the now, and focus on the battles to be won today, rather than the war I have in my head and the fights I have yet to come.