sigh, DS ate my reply.

welcome to the board - are you on meds?

Welcome poeyspop!... I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now.... I would start by seeing your doctor.... I'm glad that you're here..... This is a good place to come.....xo

Hi Poesy. Welcome to the forum. Sorry for what brings you here but glad you are here.

Adapting to a new dx can be a real mind bender, running the gambit from WTF to Why me to psychosis city.

In my own strictly personal case, my real therapy progress began when I gave up The Fight. I was the one who ended up with most of the black eyes in that particular fight, anyway. I am a natural control freak who always likes to have full command of my senses, reactions and actions. My stubborn self-will served me well, I s'pose, but it also lead me to many a disaster. It was a huge surprise to me when I discovered the strength in letting myself be weak. In my weakness, I discovered many, many a solution that would not have occurred to me on my own. Trust is pretty high on that list of solutions.

But that is me. . .

Welcome to the forum. Gentle support while you find what ^it^ is for you. Every case is unique.

Welcome and big hugs.

Hi Posey...welcome :) to you and hope you will find what you need to bring some peace to your mind. In reading your post yes you have done amazing, huge efforts for your physical wellbeing..I hope you are giving yourself credit for that. I share your "tired" in dealing with bp...my own way to cope sometimes is to return to bed, or try and get busy with 'really funky rock n roll music' to dance my way out, get something accomplished so I don't feel like a 'dud'....please try to remember you are worthy of happiness, I try to find tiny tiny things when I'm down the rabbit hole to be grateful for...like my fat cat Chachi. Some times fighting can create the anxiety, I use DBT to help me keep my head on my shoulders...I surrender to the sadness, try to be gentle with myself...reaching out here is a first step, so please give yourself credit for 'looking and finding DS'....hugs and hope for a better day for you :)

Welcoming me to the board. My seasonal depression is back too. The holidays are the toughest time of year for me. Daily strength has been my safe haven the last few years. So many kind people.

Thank you all so much for your kind responses. I'm currently on lamotrigine and seroquel, hopefully they begin to balance me out soon. I think you're right arfie, I need to give up the fight and let myself be weak. Easier said than done, but I'm working on it. And like you said ToGoFruit, I think I patched myself up as well as I could alone with quick-fixes and willpower and that can't get at the root of the problem. I want to find freedom, I really do, and I'm willing to learn to let community in. I just... don't really know how. But I'm trying. Getting medication was the first step. Setting up weekly phone calls with an older woman I respect was another. So was texting a crisis line which led me to DS. I guess all I can do is take each step as it comes.

I'm so scared but it makes it less scary listening to all of you. Thank you.