If you want to cut yourself and really do it go to the hospial!

))HANNA(( I hope u feel better sorry to hear that u are feeling this way i felt the same way last night and this morning before seeing pdoc

I know Babygil...I'm don't do SI anymore. I wouldn't do it again...too many scars to remind me of those horrible times. thank you.

you need to look no further than your own avitar for the answer.the best I can say is what goes up must come down.just hang on to the fact that in this case its just a matter of time till you go back up,Huggs

I think the fuck it club needs to come back...i'll see if i can find it

Yeah girl ..it's BP. And hate to say it but maybe that little weekend trip to see your friend may have brought on the depression. Sometimes when things arent just how we wanted or remembered ..or not like the way they were the last time. It just plain hurts and makes us sad. I break shit , scream ,cut a whole bunch of shit that does absolutely nothing to help my situation. It just makes me feel even more crazy in the head that I still do stuff like that. Just lay in the bed. Do as little as possible. Take a week off of all responseabilities (put the kids in the closets , like I always tell you). And just collect your bearings. You are NOT alone. It's just this stupid fucking illness. Your not lazy or any other things like we like to call ourselves. Ii used Pledge in 2 rooms. I have dusted. That is IT ! Do one thing to prove to yourself that you are functional and lay back down in the bed. Sit on the computer for as long as you can. At least your keeping your brain busy. I dont care if no one is comeing over ..do your eye makeup. Just keep doin stuff untill this wave has crashed.:) I love you *tweak* ooxoooxox

Your welcome I am hear for u1

The search engine is down so here is a big "FUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for you

and i can still draw homer (_8(l) see

Maybe you need your medicine tweaked if you are on any......
I think it's time to call your pdoc. I do hope you get to feeling better soon.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Princess

My short term memory is completely shot. I even forgot about my tdoc appt today....even though i remembered it when I first woke up (and the appt was at 9am).

My tdoc is "worried about me"...and sees "the downward spiral". Great. Just another 3 weeks til I get to see a pdoc.

I've been in these pj's for 2 days now (aside from the 2 hours I went to my live BP support group). My appearance is that of someone who def. doesn't give a flying fu*k. I hate crashes.

Your not alone I have been feeling the same exact way for these couple days. I cried and cried, played music, and took a klonoipin.

It sucks, doesnt it. You can rant all the want. Keep talking to us.Sometimes I will take a hot shower and stretch in there, it realease some of those chemicals to our body to help with moods.

Yesterday, I will admit I was bad, lots of issues going on in my life. I called the crisis hotline number. You dont have to be suicidal to call. She was really nice and calmed mw down.

(((Hanna)))

Emeila you just reminded me how bad I got when I came out of my last manic/psychotic episode...whne i realised i had lost evrything. It was before I found this site and I called "lifeline" here in australia...i cried for about an hour relentlessly....I was so alone...and in big financial trouble...not much has changed, except finding this site.
Keep talking to us Hanna, take it out on other people if you have to (as long as its not me) :)

I've been to the tdoc today. I didn't feel like crying then...but since I've been home, that's all I want to do.

I won't though, my Mother is in the other room, and she'll blame that I'm being triggered by this online site. I don't have my own room yet. I have nowhere to go to be alone. Plus the kids get home in just over an hour. Gotta get them off the bus, give snacks, make dinner, give baths, all that fun stuff.

I've taken more xanax than I've ever taken. It's not helping. If I called crisis, they wouldn't understand me. If I start crying, my words are incomprehensible.

Yeah I reckon you woulod have trouble saying incomprehensable whilst in a sobbering mess :)

Wish I could help but I feel like shit and hate god as well. Nothing is going right for me.