Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Need advice for Bipolar father

nic4024
nic4024

Hi All, 


I need some advice. I am 30 years old and my father is bipolar. He most likely has personality disorder as well. His moods are so bad that he often verbally abuses me and tends to "push, pull" with me and one minute begs me to answer the phone and demands my support, but then the next minute pushes me away and claims I am against him and don't care about him. He definitely exhibits symptoms of paranoia as he tends to think the whole world is against him. He has always had a thing with me about respect and my attitude and that I disrespect him by laughing at things he does or doubting his intelligence. I know this is not the case but he has gotten so worked up about it to the point that he is not threating our relationship. He was sending me emails today saying that our relationship won't be the same if I can't take responsibility or admit that I am wrong and disrespecting him. For years and years I have gone along with most of the things he accuses me of in order to keep the peace, even though I know they aren't true. I am a great daughter and I have done A LOT for him over the years due to his disease. I am at the end of my rope and now that I have been defending myself and setting boundaries with him he can't seem to accept it and like I mentioned, is threatning our relationship. I'm not ready to give up on having a dad, but I also can't keep going along with his accusations. I can't take blame for things I know are not true about myself just to appease him. 


Any advice on how to handle this? How can I defend myself and set boundaries for his abuse while not losing the relationship we have all together?


Thanks in advance, 


Nicole

malibumark
malibumark
do you have a Psychiatrist you could go see with him?
nic4024
nic4024
@malibumark he is in between right now, but typically no because he is in Florida and I am NYC. I try to stay in touch with them by phone but unfortunately Florida has a terrible mental health system and we are still searching for a decent psychiatrist...
MarleneJ
MarleneJ
I always recommend the book: "loving someone with bipolar disorder" by Julie A Fast. It is more written to someone that is a spouse or significant other, but there are lots of tips about how to deal with bipolar and the relationship. My husband got it from a marriage counsellor, and I read it. I used a lot of the tips myself, and it helped me a lot.

I hope you figure this out.

I think there is a "Friends and Family of People with Bipolar disorder" forum here at DS. You might do a search and check it out. I'm not sure how active it it, but even reading the older posts might be helpful.
Debbalina
Debbalina
It very tough to take a stand with someone who is symptomatic. My sympathies go out to you. I've heard good things about that book by Julie Fast as well. It sounds like your in a really tough spot - either defend yourself and risk frustrating him more, or don't defend yourself and still continue to frustrate him and yourself. You need to do whats right for you. Perhaps seeking therapy yourself to help you through this rough patch would be helpful.
Hopefulsoul
Hopefulsoul
One thing here fir sure: Fkorida has a horrible mental health system. I do a lot of " volunteer" work for the public clinics.
My sister's psychiatrist said " he would not send his dog to a Central Florida's xxxx clinic ".
I hope your father has a good doctor that cares about him.
My sister finally after a decade found an amazing professional that cares for his patients.
Be patient with your dad, he doesnt chose to be this way. My sister has been to many ups and dows and i have akways being her support when she fell back on depression.
OlderCPer
OlderCPer
Sounds like you need to have a very frank discussion about his behavior in safe, calm environment of his Pdocs office. That way his Pdoc can help point out things that he shouldn't be saying/doing and giving him reasons not to without validating his behavior.

The Pdoc is a neutral mediator, so your dad can't say that he's only taking your side.

Is your dad managing his BiPolar, i.e. medications, regular therapy, support groups, those types of things? Because if he's not managing or treating his BiPolar, the odds of him having a rational conversation and changing his actions are not very high.

Take care,
kat
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
you could ask for advice on the families and friends of bipolar board

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/family-friends-of-bipolar
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