there are moments when
I seem to run out of my own ability to
know what to do with my time.
It happens a lot where I am engaged in an activity
or something i'd like to do
and then I run out of focus
or occupation.
Idle hands are the work of the devil as they say
and I tend to do something stupid
Like look at things and engage in things
that only bring me down ultimately
and fill me with regret, shame, remorse
I wish I could avoid it
I wish I were more dynamic
but I just seem to need to keep pushing that rock
or this particular rock every once in a while
up the hill only to have it fall down again
and then slowly push it up again.
I wish I had a bigger imagination to catch myself
and enable myself to keep active and fulfilled
but I don't know or think maybe that I am the only who
struggles sometimes to keep myself well occupied.
I feel like a fuck up and like I am damned
though perhaps something good will come of it.

peace out -
MM