Im not a teenage so I don't feel perhaps what a young girl would.. as someone has said it's your right to get to know someone before friend-ing them or not..
I accept all friend requests due to this being a support site and have deleted 2 people over almost 5 years..
I agree with Fish on this...it can hurt some great guys and make them uncomfortable... I would report anyone you feel is inappropriate...
Most people here are wonderful..x

@ Midnight -

You are certainly correct about myself being OFTEN incorrectly perceived by others. I think I am likely the single most misunderstood human being on the planet! LOL

I DO respect her opinion, and her choice to accept or decline a friend request, because it is precisely that. a REQUEST, and NOT a DEMAND. I take absolutely no fault in Ms. G whatsoever.

I make exactly one presumption to either of our "rightness" or "wrongness", that being that we are ALL here entitled to feel, and express those feelings whatever they be. Even me.

Again you are correct about changing what I do to prevent my actions from invoking such misconceptions in others of myself. This leads to a twofold problem for me:

1. (the hard part) Discovering when I am inaccurately perceived. If I don't know about it or understand it, I certainly can do nothing about it. (On this point I am most grateful to Ms. G for this post - in so doing, she has given me opportunity to openly explain my own point of view on the topic.)

2. (the almost-as-hard part) Figuring out precisely what to change in me to correct what others perceive. Including deciding whether it is truly a "Fault" or simply a case of "Me just being me".

Friend request pending, Midnight. It's there, take it or leave it. or take it long enough to check out my profile, journal and hug book. As always, the key word here is REQUEST. ;-)

why are people taking this as a personal slam

You know what they say about the word assume

I go back to what I first said. There's no requirement to friend any one.

I don't care what their reason is, even if it is a false judgement of some one, that's not any one elses business and there is no need for them to explain them selves to you.

Also I realize every one on here is not in the same place,

but FYI acting defensive makes you look guilty as hell even if you aren't. It's neurotic and only some one who has experienced being accused all the time resulting in being defensive even of things you weren't accused of understands that.

But to the rest of the normal world jumping to a paranoid conclusion that people were talking about you makes you look sketchy and guilty. Keep your paranoia under control in RL. Just a piece of advice.

It's one thing to vent on the bp forum but in RL you are causing more problems for your self if you do that.

This thread has left me a little stunned. What curious 'rules' people assume to be "common sense"!?

So older people of the opposite sex shouldn't attempt to communicate with younger people as some kind of blanket ban as it's just "inappropriate"?? Poppycock!!

Older people don't so much have things in 'common' with younger people, but can offer their experience on the- let's face it - probably been there done that- front.

Blanket assumptions about older people's motives is ageist and offensive. Sympathies to you, KK for your friendly and welcoming approach to new members being maligned or misconstrued by anyone. That speaks to their personal issues and is no reflection on you at all, IMO.

Doorknob your opinions whilst strongly held, have no basis. People should feel free to communicate with people of any age or gender. This is how different perspectives can be obtained and wisdom shared. Age limits discussed seem to be some kind of dating 'rule of thumb'! One learns how to set personal boundaries by politely but assertively rejecting behaviour from others one feels uncomfortable with.

I am a 43 year old woman. On my university campus I naturally interact with people of all ages. That includes both young men and women, and I take pleasure and some amusement from these interactions. MENTORING is precisely that- communication and sharing of experience with often much younger people and often of the opposite gender. In communicating with young people, it is more likely the older person who is in a position to clarify difficulties that a young person may struggle with- including identification of predatory behaviour, although of course my interactions are primarily intellectual.

As a young woman, I was targetted by a male sexual predator on campus and it was an older MALE on campus who helped clarify the situation and brought it to the attention of authorities when I was unsure of how to proceed.

Arbitrary rules are self-limiting and offer no guarantee of maintaining your (or anyone's) personal safety. Good judgement and experience only tips the scales in your favour!. People of any age can be victimised both sexually, and otherwise. Implicit in the idea that older people talking to younger people is in any way dangerous per se, sets up the scenario where if the younger person bucks this stupid rule, then if things DO go pear-shaped, the younger person has 'brought it on themselves'. It is from these "common sense" (lol) ideas that "victim blaming" is derived.

Grenadine I remember my own discomfort with older men approaching me (in a sexual way) at your age- but simply ignoring sexual innuendo, or worse (for them) laughing it off as ridiculous worked wonders in denting overactive (in this case male) egos. Funnily enough, you will likely come to experience the opposite situation as well. Much younger men trying to hit on you when YOU are in your forties. For me, it is flattering but holds little interest. Of course, I can't speak for all- we are all entitled to different motives and responses to situations as they arise. It is an essential life skill to learn (over time) to be discriminating and assess all people on a case by case basis.

Sexual perverts occur in all age demographics- including your own. Don't assume someone your own age is safe.

Listen,

I am talking about men above 40 who FRIEND REQUEST me so they can chat with me and see my journals and whatnot. I agree it is GREAT to get advice from older people.... ON POSTS THAT ARE PUBLIC. I am reacting to men above 40 who on their profile "hug" pretty young ladies comforting them and I thought it was strange and didn't want to be one of them. It grossed me out actually and that is why I made this post to see if anyone else had that same experience.

That's all, I do not take credit for anyone else's opinion on this thread, just my own.

Great debate people!

I was going to make a comment about

some one who works at a university that never apparently took an english 101 class.

But I'm not here to cast stones it's quite common for people to ignore and OP and take things I said out of context. I'm use to it.

But I think every one reading this could benefit just to take a look at this

http://www.odessa.edu/dept/english/mjordan/fallaciesofargument.htm

Grenadine, yes I understood that. My response was intended to counter the trend seen in some of the replies to your OP. The short answer is "No, it isn't necessarily strange". Older men are just as capable of exercising appropriate restraint (boundaries) in these situations. That's how some get to be community leaders on DS ;)

We all know some people are sus however. Why, I PM'd an OLDER guy in his 70's a few times supportively- who was expressing suicidal ideation- and HE hit on me and tried to get a private email address- bless his heart lol... I ignored the request. Ah, he's still talking- but not to me, lol...

I am quite aware of fallacious arguments doorknob, which was why I was happy to point out yours. And also to offer my personal experience. I didn't do English 101, I did the more advanced course.

What if they are 39 and tomorrow is their birthday? Is it okay then?

When this post first started I thought it very mature to be able to discern friend from foe. Now I see it's just a nasty shit starting attention grabber.

Sorry, Grendane, if you are going to communicate with the adults you are going to have to put your big girl panties on. Or maybe wait until you grow up. Do you know how to use the ignore button??? I fail to see why this is such a disgusting issue for you. Just simply don't accept friend requests if you don't want to.

I do see that you have managed to insult my husband, my brother, my nephews, half the members of this community, many who are my friends.

All the kids and teenagers love my husband and he loves them, but there is a certain type immature girl that he says you should run - not walk away from.

I've kept quiet all morning about this. Although I have cringed at some of the blanket statements made about men.

Gentlemen, I don't see your reputations as being ruined. I don't see men in a negative way. And I don't think it's cute to hurt others feelings. I have always had wonderful men in my life. Luck?? I don't think so. Just a little common sense.

Just my opinion.

MagicKingdom:

Did I say all men over 40 are bad? No. I don't recall ever insulting any member of your family so I think you need to check yourself on that one.

You are the one seeming nasty here for calling me a nasty shit starting attention grabber... tasteless... I am able to post my concerns on here. If you don't like it, tough, don't read this post.

Your condescending attitude shows just how immature you are. Maybe you are the one that needs to grow up.


Thankfully not everyone is reacting as immature as some.

Glad I could make some new friends on here who don't think my words are a crime.

Perverts exist and I think it's good to be aware of that. NOT ALL MEN ARE PERVERTS.

guys, let's not get uptight with each other?

Anymore of this and I'll put up the avi of me in a mankini, ok?

Guess what, you are on a public forum. Everyone can read it, and everyone can have an opinion.

Nasty, maybe. But I didn't insult half the board.


"Listen,

I am talking about men above 40 who FRIEND REQUEST me so they can chat with me and see my journals and whatnot." and "I am reacting to men above 40 who on their profile "hug" pretty young ladies comforting them and I thought it was strange and didn't want to be one of them. It grossed me out actually and that is why I made this post to see if anyone else had that same experience."

Does this refresh your memory any???

I repeat, why can't you just ignore them and not accept friend request's if you are so "grossed"?

sigh - stop this please.

Sorry, Fish. Just tired of all the man-hating comments on the board today.

I am not going to take back anything I said. This is my opinion. It's not perfect and is going to affect everyone in a positive way and whatever else, it's my opinion. Like I said in my first post, I have had bad experiences with predators, so I'm just a little sensitive. SO SUE ME! I was suspicious for my safety! Wondering if anyone else was experiencing this! So, if no one experienced this and everyone commented on how wow no way everyone is so nice here and no one has bad intentions from my experience, then I would feel better about befriending some men I found suspicious on this site.

Again, NOT ALL MEN ARE PREDATORS!